In and Out of the Bubble

SIL, the drama unfolds just a little more.

2012-01-04T17:58:00.002-05:00

Boy o boy, are you sitting down with a cup of tea?

Today I am going to attempt to give you a rdc version of my SIL. This SIL is my husband’s only sibling. I know that once you have been around the bubble for a while and start reading about SILs it can be confusing. Considering that I have had 10 total I will try and label. If it has a number before it, it is one of the brother’s wives. But today I discuss, Hubby’s sister.

As I mentioned, she is my husband’s only sister and growing up they were very close. It has been told to me that they looked like the Campbell soup kids.

MIL and FIL sometimes worked opposite shifts with the kids home on their own a few hours by themselves. They learned how to cook, clean and do the laundry. This is something that my hubby has instilled in to our children as well. But I regress, they were very close.

SIL started dating hubby’s friend and after a few years they got married.

Now this is where I may sound very mean and hurtful but I am sorry, there is NO love for this woman in any way shape or form.

The skuz that she married was the cheapest bastard that you may ever meet and she learned very well from him. About 4 months before they got married the discussion came up about where they would live and my hubby’s grandmother kiddingly said they could live in her basement if they could not find anywhere else. 2 days later skuz and his skuzzy father came by to start building an apartment.

The skuz and SIL leached off of gram for YEARS. They were charging her for mowing her lawn and doing simple fixer upper things around the house. They paid no rent and paid only half of her heat and electricity. They paid nothing on her water or any additional things. Leeches!!!

Ugh,

Gram had major knee surgery and decided that she could not keep up her house any longer and decided to sell. Skuz and SIL freaked out because she would not sell them her house for 2/3 of the cost. His idea was that this was SIL’s inheritance and since she had 3 grandchildren she should sell to SIL for 2/3. Effen Arse!

They bought a house that they paid cash for all but $20,000. I am not joking when I say cash. Skuz did not believe in banks so he pulled $70,000 CASH out of the walls of the grandmother’s basement walls. SIL supposedly knew he had money just not that much.

Skuz was an arse. I won’t get into much about the details of the next three months but needless to say when SIL came home from getting her drunk on one night, Skuz was sitting in the dark with a shotgun pointed at the door so that when she came in she knew it was time to go.

SIL had been having some sort of affair with this guy that she knew when she was younger and hooked up with him and moved into an apartment. The apartment was a pit and they decided to move. Told the landlord but never looked into getting anything else. The landlord kicked their arses to the curb on the last day of whatever month and they gathered up their stuff and moved into my in laws summer camp. No running water, no shower, no tub, no toilet, no heat, a literal shack in the middle of the woods. They moved in their 4 cats, which were not fixed, and lived there for a few months until it got too cold. Then they lived in a motel room for a few weeks and left the cats there. I won’t get into much with this because they destroyed my in laws camp and that is just too horrible for me to get into.

SILs divorce went through and they bought a 5th wheel trailer and moved into a campground. Not a trailer park a campground that is only open a certain many months a year. They cut a hole in the side of this trailer and put in a wood stove when the temp started dropping.

Fast forward a few years…

SIL got sick and was hemorrhaging. She was brought into the hospital almost dead. It took three days for the bleeding to stop and for her to be brought back to consciousness. Dipshit boyfriend never told the parents.

When SIL was confronted by in laws as to why they were not notified she stopped talking to them for months.

SIL needed a car for a new job and the in laws cosigned. SILs boyfriend sold someone a stolen gun, he got arrested, they argued, she took off, she cracked up the car, she would not go home and started shacking up with this other “coworker” and refused to pay any car payments because the car was no good anyway.

Bank came to in laws to pay off the car.

SIL went back to other boyfriend and bought a new trailer in a new campground and got married. He violated his parole and she left him and now is on boyfriend number to high for me to count.

All in all we have spoken (me and the hubby) three times to SIL in the last 14 years. Once was when the FIL almost died with his infection back in 2004, once when gram died 5 years ago and MIL asked me to request an absent note from the undertaker otherwise SIL would lose her job, and once a few months back. Seriously don’t know what is wrong with that girl but I am too old to worry.

Have a nice night. Tomorrow I will let you know why all the in law talk is taking place.

MIL...hard to explain

2012-01-03T16:02:00.000-05:00

I hope you all had a very happy holiday stretch. Whatever you may celebrate, I hope it was joyful for you and yours.

Now back to the bubble.

When I left you last I told you all about my FIL and today I need to tell you a little about my MIL.

My MIL is one of those really quiet women who when she speaks you listen because she doesn’t speak that often.

When my hubby and I were first married, and I mean first married, she called me because I spent the night out. The call came in at 7 am after coming home about a half hour earlier. The hubby had worked at the same business as she did and complained because I didn’t come home.

Let me back up a little because this sounds like I was this horrible person.

Hubby was going on a long haul and was leaving at 2 in the morning to set off to New York. He left me at a bar with some friends and left me reliant on someone else for the ride home. I didn’t want to go home to an empty house where I was going to be all by myself in the dark. So when my ride made no move to leave I didn’t push it. Remember, this was newly married and I had never lived anywhere but home and college.

Anyway, the call came in just after I got home. This was the last time she attempted to be my mother. She called and said, “Did you have a nice night out?” I said “yes”, she said hubby “was worried and that bothered her.”

At first I was a little shocked that she would call me and then in the heat of the moment I told her that both my parents were still living and her son chose to marry me and if he were worried he needed to speak to me and not have his mom do it. She told me I was right and it was never brought up again.

Since then she and I became friends as well as family. We taught me how to play golf. We golf a few times a year together. We play cards together for money and for not. We have vacationed together. Things have always been just fine.

I am not sure how this sweet woman could have been hooked up with as an angry young man as my FIL but she did and it has always worked for them.

My MIL had a mother that was some sort of angel as well so maybe that is it.

But something that never happened before now has happened. She won’t talk to me anymore.

Just before Thanksgiving my MIL came to see me on Saturday morning and asked me to play golf with her at this turkey shoot. Two days later she called and said that she was not going to play with me that she was going to play with me because she had asked her friend Val first. I asked #8 to play with me and he asked a friend to play. This put me back into a situation without a partner so #5 played with me. We had a blast. But here is the kicker. I showed up that morning and MIL was without a partner. She had no one to play with because Val was rushed into the hospital. She had known this for 3 days at least. She didn’t call. We would have figured it out for her.

Anyway, then the whole birthday fiasco took place and when I talked to my hubby he had no answers knowing full well that she always felt comfortable talking to me.

Christmas Eve has always been a night with the in laws. We have switched back and forth at the different houses over the years and this year was supposed to be our year. We offered and said whatever would be easier. FIL said it would be easier at our house unless the weather was bad and then they wanted it at their house. We were fine with that. Less than 24 hours later the hubby came home to tell me that it was at their house. No explanation, he showed up there to pick up Butter and the next thing he knew his mother told him Christmas was at their house and she would explain at another time.

We still don’t have an explanation.

*shakes head and shrugs shoulders*

What is in a name?

2011-12-29T16:36:00.000-05:00

Happy Thursday Everyone,

I have started this post like three different times and still not sure how to start my newest blog rant.

I mentioned in my birthday post about my in laws but today I am going to give you some background.

I looked over the past posts and noticed that I write all about my brothers, their families and things that happen with my kids but don’t ever think that I wrote about my in laws.

Today I start with the patriarch of the family.

Dick!

No seriously, that is his name, Dick.

Dick is an extremely angry man. When I say extremely, I think maybe I am understating it just a little.

Dick had a horrible childhood. Dick is a veteran of the Vietnam War. Dick should have gotten over his anger many years ago but lately it has come back and come back with a vengeance.

Dick was 5 when his father was stationed overseas during World War whatever. His mother was an alcoholic who did not come home for days at a time because she was out on drinking binges. When Dick was this age he had three younger siblings to watch as well. He would rob stores and beg neighbors for food. At the breaking point the baby who was under 1 year old died of malnutrition and Dick carried its lifeless body to the police station for help.

The state came in took the kids and separated them in different locations. His brother and himself went to one orphanage and then were taken in by different family members. So all three living children were separated and raised by others. This angered his brother to the point that R didn’t speak to Dick for the rest of his life.

Dick was raised by Stella. Stella was a mean and nasty woman. I only have personal experiences with this woman but I am told that her meanness was something that she always had. Dick was a burden that she took in and her husband was the one who showed any feelings for him. Funny thing is Stella was Dick’s blood and Charlie was not.

My MIL met Dick when they were younger and they have been together and with no one else ever since. I mean he was her only boyfriend and vice versa. They had two children and now three grandchildren.

Dick has been sick for the past few years and it all started with chipping a bone in his elbow which infected. The infection went into the spinal column and into the ear. He had stents placed into his body for blockages. The infection caused so much damage that he has since lost all of his teeth. He lost his cochlea and now has a cochlea implant in order to hear.

For a few years we thought the anger had subsided but lately it is back and it is back with so much anger behind that new anger, my husband and I am not sure how to handle it. We have started talking to the boys about the behavior, the horrible remarks, and the nasty nasty comments about me.

Remember how yesterday I said that I was making the next year all about ME? Well it starts with my in-laws.

I found out Christmas night that my father in law thinks that I put my job before my family. He brought up to my husband the other day that I think that my job is more important than my MIL otherwise I would not ask her to put my kids on the school bus when I have an early morning meeting.

Funny thing is…I haven’t done that for 2 years.

I think the anger is coming back stronger because he is losing his capabilities.

What exactly are the early warning stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s?

I am not letting my FIL get to me. I don’t care that he thinks that I put my job first. My job is the reason why we have a roof over our head and food on the table to eat. My job pays our health insurance and our dental insurance. My job is the reason that we are able to drive back and forth to all of the places that our kids need.

I deserve the fact that I have a good job. I stayed home and raised my children up until they could wipe their own butts, clean their own teeth, and step onto that school bus without my holding their hand.

I deserve to be the one out earning a living using the skills that I have.

I like to be able to buy myself a pair of shoes on occasion and not feel like I am robbing heat from my children. Gosh Darn It! I deserve it!

Coming out slowly...

2011-12-27T16:07:00.003-05:00

It has certainly been a crazy couple of months. I wanted to say weeks but in actuality it has been months.

I want to be able to move forward so I am going back a few.

I got some help in my job April 1st that was not really help. In actuality, it was worse because I spent 4 months training this SFB to have him tell me on July 27th that he was ready to work. To make a long story really short, SFB told me that he had “mentally dumped” everything that I trained him on because he had another thing on his mind the last two months.

I had a major car accident the end of September that caused me some major issues physically as well as mentally.

I got some new help on 10/17 but needed to go on a trip immediately after he started. This had SFB training him and it took me three weeks to undo everything SFB did.

My birthday came and went and well we all know how that went if you read it.

Christmas has now come and gone and here I sit for the first time in ages with a little spare time.

We had the best Christmas day ever. I mean the hubby, the boys, and myself.

Jelly is now 18. He bought a used car back in the summer and is learning how expensive it is to keep. It is a used convertible that leaks when it rains. For Christmas he asked for nothing but got, a GPS system, a waterproof car cover, clothes, gas cards, and his favorite present…a bass guitar.

Peanut, who is now 15, asked for an iPod touch. He got it along with clothes and a crap load of gift cards.

Butter, who is 10, asked for Lego’s and that is what he got. A ton of them and he was so excited.

My husband and I usually buy stocking gifts for the kids and this year we decided to spend the money and buy them something that they all wanted. So we splurged and bought an Xbox360 for them.

My kids have never had a new gaming system so this was very exciting to them.

So now that brings me to the present and onward to the future. I have seen in the past where a lot of people spend the week posting all of the good changes that they are going to be making and others with their resolutions.

All I am saying is that 2012 is the year of ME! I am sick of being walked on and treated like crap. I started caring only about my own health and well being. I have started caring only about what my immediate family needs or wants. I am continuing with that same trend.

To start the new year, I am taking the family on a trip to the mountains with some good friends.

Not a Merry Christmas post...A true Bubble post.

2011-12-25T23:22:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas Everyone.

This is a warning to anyone who may believe that this is a happy post. For anyone and for those who may have been following me from the beginning of time, you know that this is MY bubble and you are not welcome here if you cannot understand that sometimes there needs to be a place to go where you can bitch and not be judged.

There may be a day in the near future where I can tell you about how special a day this was for husband, my boys and myself, but that all happened prior to 6 p.m. Backing up slightly, it kind of took a speed bump around 3 went downhill around 6.

#1 was not feeling well today. He and his wife showed up at my mom’s and #1 had a raging sore throat and was stuffed up. In my opinion, you say “I really would have loved to come but was sick”. Seriously, with 40 or so people crammed into a 3 bedroom ranch, germs are going to fly. I don’t need your germs and neither does my house, least of all my 73 year old mother.

Around 5 or so, #8 showed up with his girlfriend, of this year and at that time #1, his wife, my husband, my kids, my mom, and I were the only ones there.

#5 had decided this year that he would come by early and gift my mom and drop off the grab presents that he and his girlfriend (second year for her but I got a good one for you maybe later in the week about that). He was gone already.

#7 was next to show up with his wife and children. Not long after that #6 and his family appeared. The only ones we were waiting for was #2 and his crew. They were not long after coming and surprising to me, they came in two separate cars. His oldest 2 children came together and right behind them was he and his wife and daughter.

The living room was loaded up with presents and then the free for all started. The kids (all but mine) ran around the house playing tag. They drank and ate in the bedrooms. They pissed all over the toilet, walls and floor. They ground food into the furniture. All of this was going on while the mothers sat at the dining room table drinking wine. And lots of wine it was. I rinsed out 4 bottles to put in the recycling. In case you missed count on how many there were, there were 4. That means within a VERY short period of time my SILs drank a bottle of wine EACH. (#1’s wife shared her bottle of wine with my MIL and #1 so I can’t count her in on this.)

Wait a minute; I skipped ahead just a little too far. But #1 gave out his gifts to the kids and took off because he was seriously too sick to stay.

My mom gave out her gifts to the kids and then one by one the brothers and their families showered my mom with gifts.

Because we had already given my mom her gifts, my hubby, boys and I stepped outside to give the others some room. Butter mentioned that someone had spilled soda in the green bedroom and he went to find a towel. Now, I am not saying that my children are angels but looking back it slightly disturbs me that Butter cleaned up someone else’s mess.

Peanut and Jelly were with me the whole evening. They are 18 and 15 and a little too old to be playing with the littler kids.

#2’s oldest son’s baby mama (a long story for another day) showed up with the little guy and her dad. We all gathered back into the living room to exchange gifts. Remember now, this all started about 6 and my mom had not left the living room once. We exchanged our gifts and she got up to go the bathroom. She stepped into a puddle while lifting the toilet seat and found that all wet as well. Thinking that someone had had a problem, she opened the door to the green bedroom to find cake, cookies and candies all over the floor. She found soda spilled on her furniture and toys being thrown across the room and guess what…SHE FREAKED!

I don’t blame her. She started yelling at the kids and asking “What makes you think that you can come into my house and throw food and toys? I want this room cleaned NOW!”

#2’s wife grabbed both of her kids and stormed right out of the house telling my brother on the way by that she was not staying any longer and he was leaving too.

#6’s wife packed up her kids with a snide remark about the fact that she had her own house to clean and she was not staying to clean my mother’s. Oh, and stopped at my mom, looked at her and said, “You need to realize that they are just kids.”

#7 sat and told his kids that they had done nothing wrong and proceeded to pack them up to leave as well.

Here is where I kind of lose it myself…

I had Butter clean up all the toys, since he was in there with the other kids.

But…

My husband went in the bedroom and cleaned it up on his hands and knees.

My oldest son went immediately into the kitchen and started cleaning the dishes, counters, tables, chairs and everything else that needed to be done in there.

My middle son took the vacuum and vacuumed all the floors.

I went into the bathroom and cleaned the piss of the walls and floors.

Who the fuck thinks that it is okay to allow your kids to come in and destroy someone else’s home?

I have started thinking lately that it is time to move into a new tradition. Today just makes me realize that that time has come.

We were home by 9:30. It took us over an hour to clean up.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Oh, happy freaking day!

2011-11-28T15:05:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well…I am about to become the whiny arse bitchy blogger that you don’t want to read. I don’t do it often but lately it has been hard not to bitch and complain. But it’s my birthday and I will cry if I want to.

And I have done just that twice!

Really now, today is my birthday and I am just putting this out there in blogger world and don’t want or expect that you will respond. You will most likely just shake your head and go on to the next blog to read.

What have I done wrong? If you don’t know the answer to this question then neither do I.

Back history…

My in-laws have always given everyone a card with a check for $40 for their birthday. We had dinner there Thursday and my MIL invited us back to have cake and ice cream on Sunday afternoon.

We arrived around 4 pm and we had ice cream cake. (I don’t like ice cream cake) {crap, I am starting to cry about this again}

After cake my MIL handed me a box with a card. I opened the card and it was empty. I unwrapped the box and inside was three fake candles with the $4.99 price tag still on the box. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.

We went home. I tried to stay and not be ungrateful but I couldn’t.

After getting home and sitting down for dinner, we as a family discussed Christmas. I suggested to the kids, that wanted a very expensive present, that we do a family gift instead of filling up the stockings with things that they did not need. At that time my husband informed the kids that “we” didn’t need any presents for Christmas. I don’t know why I snapped except for the fact that I was tired of being overlooked and pushed aside. I stood up threw my plate across the kitchen and told all four of them that they could shove their presents up their arses and forget that I even brought up the subject.

I then went into my bedroom, crawled under the sheets and cried myself to sleep.

I am turning off the comments today because I don’t want to hear happy birthdays or that I am right or wrong, I just needed to put it somewhere.

Thanks!

2011-11-23T09:36:00.002-05:00

There has been so much going on in my life that I realized that months have slipped by and I don’t remember where half of them have gone. I recently celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary and for shits and giggles we tried to remember our favorite things that happened during each of those years. Funny thing was that the birth years of my three children were the three distinctive years that I could remember and not much beyond that. So sad, my husband decided it was not a fun game so we quit very early on.

But I am now looking on the cusp of my 43rd birthday (Monday) and have tried to put my life into perspective. Where am I? Am I happy? Am I healthy? Do I want to be here or somewhere else?

So, I decided that I would do a Thanksgiving post of the things that have truly been a blessing in my life these past few months.

I am used to chickens in my life but today it is turkeys.

1. I made it through the 8th grade year with Peanut, although he needed to attend summer school. He is now in a vocational technical high school and doing FANTASTIC.

2. I found that even though all summer we thought it was our last year at the camp, we have the chance to rent it next year (and maybe a few years after that). This may actually give us the chance to build.

3. I set myself a goal of 20 pounds by my 20th anniversary and even though I did not reach that goal (15 pounds instead) I feel so much healthier and stronger because of it.

4. I climbed a mountain. Literally, I climbed a mountain. This was completed and although I think I could have done it a few months and 15 pounds heavier, it was a great accomplishment.

5. Butter has stepped out of his comfort zone and secured a lead in the Willy Wonka production at his school.

6. I survived a major car crash and with only a month and a half of physical therapy and doctor’s appointments I am back in the saddle again.

7. I have a job, so many don’t now a day, but I do. It drives me crazy sometimes but all in all I am happy I have this job.

8. I have developed some strong friendships with those that had built walls before. I know that I am a strong willed person but I love breaking walls and finding that there is a great side on the other side.

I will post more thanks but now I need to get back to work or I won’t have #7.

Day two of Martha's Vineyard Vacation

2011-09-19T20:00:00.000-04:00

Crazy is the nicest adjective for the last two days here on the vineyard.

I started telling you the other day about the argument that my two cousins had and I wish I could get a little more into it but it would take days to explain either of them. Let’s put it in the RDCV for this post. MB has not spoken to her own daughter for almost three years because of some sort of an issue that took place with her daughter’s inlaws. Car went out to lunch with MB’s daughter just before MB showed up for her vacation. MB’s granddaughter, who is 4, told MB before Car did and now she feels that Car hid the visit from her (which she did) and feels betrayed. Car told her sister that she was stupid and overreacting and had no right to feel this way. MB packed up and left after Car told MB her feelings were “effing retarded”.

So, that being said, I am in charge of 4 old ladies this week and we started out with a trip to a different beach yesterday. They were too cold.

My cousin Car is a very domineering woman. Most of the time it is her way or no way. This week it is my way or no way. Since I hold the keys to the car and the manual and have not had a vacation in over a year, I am going to enjoy this week.

Today, we went to the beach and while I went to the bathroom Car packed up everything and put the old ladies in the car because they were all too cold. Then she proceeded to tell me to go back to the hotel so that the old ladies could eat in their hotel rooms.

I drove to a picnic spot at Aquinnah and enjoyed lunch there. Here is a picture of the cliffs there too.

I know that this post sounds like I was the bitch. I am glad, because this is the vacation that I have deemed for ME.

PS. The old ladies loved the picnic on the cliffs.

Day One of Martha's Vineyard Vacation

2011-09-18T10:36:00.000-04:00

I sit here today on the first full day of my vacation on Martha’s Vineyard, feeling the need to bring my blog up to speed.

I have been so crazy with life’s going ons that sometimes I forget that I have a little world out there that I can tell my stories to without any judgment from family members.

I know that most of you know that I come from a big family. I have 7 brothers, the majority of are married or in a relationship that has been years in the making, some of have children from other marriages and some have no children. Regardless of the amount of in and out family members from my immediate family we all “pretty much” get along.

As I sit here today let me tell you about another “little” part of my family.

My mom is one of 7 children. Only 1 of her siblings is still alive, that is my Aunt F. My mom’s 3 brothers all had children and each of them had 2 daughters regardless of how many sons they had.

This vacation that I take is usually with my mom, her sister Aunt F, Uncle D’s two daughters and one of Uncle J’s daughters. The ages of these women are 83 (Aunt F), 73 (mom), 70 (Car), 63 (Moe), 60 (MB) and 43 (me).

This year I have been looking forward to this vacation only because I have not taken one yet this year.

It is always a chore for me being the mobile one but it is also an opportunity for me to walk away from the drama and the chitter chatter of those women who know family members and memories that are WAY before my time.

Anyway, this year is not that way. Car and MB had a HUGE fight and MB left the vineyard. This is not a little fight that will get over really quickly; I think this is a while to go fight that two sisters may not talk to each other for months or maybe even years.

I may have said in the past that we put the fun in dysfunctional but my extended family really does that.

I will post more later but for now, I am taking 4 “not so little” old ladies to the beach for the day.

Chicken soup

2011-08-29T22:26:00.000-04:00

Chickens running around today and I thought I would post a few tidbits of my life these past few days.

Hurricane Irene caused us to move home early from camp. It was sad to leave camp but it was nice to come home and have an extra day and extra hands to clean.

I took the day off from work today to get the boys ready for school. It was the first time in over a year that I didn’t answer any emails from work or even acknowledged the fact that they wanted information from me. I feel like this is the first time I can put in for a day off that I actually took.

I took the boys back to school shopping. We bought all the supplies, 9 pairs of shorts, 6 pairs of socks, a pair of work boots, 2 pairs of jeans, a pair of sneakers, two back packs, and two NHL T-Shirts, a lunch box and two thermoses and the total came to just over $300. I think that was a fantastic day shopping and my hubby almost croaked. I guess compared to a kayak it was money well spent.

My hubby is reading my blog now. It has been almost two years since I started and now I have to worry about things that I say about him.

My hubby is the greatest guy in the world…this is for his benefit not mine.

Peanut is a freshman in high school this year. He is playing football for his high school and made first string. I am so proud of his determination. I just hope that he keeps making us proud.

Jelly, who is not an athletically inclined child, decided that he would go out for track this year. It is his senior year. My hubby wonders why he decided this year to do it. I don’t. The team is going to Disney for a meet this year and Jelly thinks that it is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

We have never taken the kids to Disney.

Butter starts school tomorrow. I am worried sick that with both boys in sports at the other school, he will be spending too much time by himself at home. I am an hour away and the hubby is working a second job so that means some nights he may be home for three hours by himself. Ugh! Sick, I tell you sick.

I joined weight watchers. I found that I have gained 15 pounds in the last 2 ½ years and that makes me sick as well. I tried so hard to lose the 60 pounds before, to gain 15 back is heartbreaking. This time I feel like I get it. I am down over 6 pounds in the last four weeks. At this rate I will be back to the weight I want to be by the time I take the hubby on our 20th anniversary trip.

I still don’t know where to take the hubby that won’t break the bank but will still be romantic.

That’s it for now…I am not going to ramble on and on because at this rate I could.

Need to stop the ride...

2011-08-22T17:21:00.000-04:00

I have been having one hum dinger of a month and my emotions are in overload.

I realized today that it has been a whole month that I have been riding this rollercoaster of a life and today I am asking when it is time for you to just throw your hands up in the air and let it all go?

My family has been feeling the same tension and frustration and it is not a good thing. We are all testy and perhaps it is all for the same reason.

I had a dream. Well, we had a dream. A want maybe is the better word for it.
For those who have been following for a while or even know me, know that I spend the entire summer at my summer home.

We have been doing this for the last 15 years. My husband has never known a summer that he did not spend it at our camp or the one next door.

Back about 11 years ago we were told that we would have the opportunity to buy the land that we currently rent that our summer camp sits on and build a house of our own. In the year 2011 the lease would be up and we would have the option.

Wouldn’t you want to look at this sunrise every morning?

That has changed. We now would need to buy an entire house that someone else built on the land for $500,000. Who the hell has that kind of money? Not me!!!!

We are down to our last full week at Rocky Pond and the kids are fighting. So bad that Jelly gave Peanut a black eye for teasing him about taking the last Twinkie.

I am rude to my friends and snapping at the slightest thing that NEVER would have bothered me before. Believe me when I say, I can take a lot but not now. Things are not “nothing” but I am definitely reacting a lot stronger than I would have in the past.

I am crying on my way home from work because I am overwhelmed there.

I SNAPPED at the cable people because I can’t seem to have them understand that someone disconnected my cable from the phone and they claim I “never called them or put in an order for a disconnect”.

I am sorry to spew my mental grief but I needed to let it all out somewhere before I snap at the wrong person.

Me and stress have never been bed fellows unless you count a hospital bed.

The Lawn Ornament is GONE

2011-08-16T16:27:00.000-04:00

I thought that last year I posted this little story about a very expensive lawn ornament that has been in front of my in laws house for the past 14 years. When I went looking for it I could not find it. Regardless, this has been the ONE thing that my husband and I have not been able to agree on since 1998.

This morning my 18 year old son sold it for $400.

Let me tell you how funny this is and how I have been chuckling inside for the past two days.

When my husband bought it in 1987 it cost him almost $18,000. He babied this thing for YEARS.

When we took it off the road in 1997 it was because it was too small for our growing family. Not to mention the amount of gas this thing took, ugh that hurt more.

In 2000, I was offered $5000 for it and I took the offer. The offer was rescinded because the person thought it was important to get my husband involved. My husband said he would not sell it for less then $10,000. Oh well.

In 2006, I was offered $2000. My husband said no.

Last year he had offers for $800-1000. He kept saying no.

This year I put my foot down and told my husband that it was no longer his. Since it sat in my in-laws front yard for over 14 years it was time to get rid of it and I sold it to my oldest son. (for a cleaning of the house and a few loads of laundry) Then proceeded to tell him that I would double whatever he made on selling the truck so that he could buy his own car. He cleaned it up all nice and shiny.

He sold it. Now he has $800 toward a car for him and I don’t have to listen to my FIL bitch at me EVERYTIME we go over there.

Win-Win!

A post for me to release some tears...

2011-08-05T10:10:00.002-04:00

There have been many times in my life that I wanted to say something but the emotional aspect of what needed to be said has stopped me from doing so. You know that feeling that you have when you know if you start to talk about something that you are going to cry? That has been the case just about every aspect in my life.

I have to let some of it out and here in the bubble is as safe a place as any to do so.

Am I “that” scary? If you know me maybe you can answer that.

I don’t hold grudges, I normally let things slide. I am a “happy go lucky” positive person 99% of the time.

I have recently been told by people at work that they are afraid to cross me because of “my wrath”. Seriously? I have a wrath?

Maybe I do and so I need some unbiased opinion from the “world out there”.

I have been told recently that I had a conversation that I don’t remember. That being said, there is a STRONG possibility that there was more of a miscommunication than a conversation but that is a mute point.

My point is this…I was told that I didn’t remember this conversation because I “was drunk”.

I took some serious offence to this statement. I don’t get “drunk” that often and when I do, I do it responsibly.

In this instance, I had my three boys and my youngest son’s best friend that I was responsible for. I was attending a child’s birthday party. I was drinking SOBE and sweet iced tea. I had not had one drop of alcohol during this time.

People think that comments like that are “funny” at the time but don’t realize the repercussions of those comments might have if the wrong person heard it. Maybe no one else had heard it or read it or even cared but I did. I took offense to it.

Lately it seems as though my character is always the one that is in question. Maybe I am a “slut” because I hang around with the guys. Maybe I am a “sleaze” because I tend to swear more than most women. Maybe I am not going to win Mother of the Year award because I am so “mean”. But one thing that I will not stand for is being called “a drunk”.

There it is out.

Itch? Maybe, but make sure you capitolize the B!

2011-06-13T15:22:00.000-04:00

It is not often that I post lately. If nothing else, I have been busy. Today however something came to light that forced me to post some very eye opening revelations about myself.

Let me just say that, when and if you were ever to meet me, I am for the most part, a very happy positive person.

Today, I learned a very valuable lesson. I.AM.A.BITCH!!!!

Not only am I a bitch-with a capitol B-but I am a SUPER.SNOB.

All of three of you that are still reading my blog are now wondering how I stumbled across this revelation.

It started here…

This is Butter at his fourth grade recorder concert this morning.

First, see the big blob at the left of this picture? That woman stood, in front of everyone, through the entire concert. She was a mom and would not sit down. Picture this, this small portion of children was 1/20th of the children in this concert and this mom was blocking the rest of us from seeing. After the third or fourth attempt to get a picture without her in it, I finally stood up and said something. The look I got from her was a KILLER! Then the look I got from the other mom’s for saying something was just as bad. Am I the only one with manners that would sit if I were in the front row?

Second, see how all the other children are wearing white T-shirts and my Butter is wearing a long sleeved BLUE button down collared shirt? The note came home that the children were to wear white shirts. There is a white shirt under the collared shirt, see it? I looked for a white shirt with a collar and found three of them. All three of them had some sort of stain on them. I have three boys and Butter is the third. At the age of 10 boys grow out of their clothes faster than they change their underwear. I knew I had white shirts. So, that being said, I now say that I told him that he would have to wear the only white shirt that was clean (the t-shirt underneath) and he insisted on wearing the collared shirt because “it was a concert, ya know”. I let it slide. What the Hades do I know, I am only the mother.

Okay, on with the Bitch part.

I came in to watch Butter’s concert and attend the recycling fair (more about that later). NO sooner do I sit down, one of Peanuts teachers sees me and insists on sitting with me to give me the updates on how much of an asshat my middle son is.

Like I am not aware that my son lies to me and all other adults? Does she think that I need to be constantly reminded of all the horrible things that the kid has done to me and others? Seriously, don’t you have other children besides the one you always talk about?

Very nastily, and I can’t blame the female hormones since I just finished that, I told her that I was not there to discuss Peanut but to see Butter’s performance. She then continued to tell me that after I spoke to Peanut last week he had a different attitude. Did I speak to Peanut last week? I don’t think so. Well, anyway, after I signed the detention slip he must have got the point because he was much more respectful. Did I sign a detention slip? HHHMMMM? All getting to me now...here come the kids…and she is still talking. The final straw…”MaeRae, I know that this isn’t the right place but I want you to know that Peanut is a great kid despite everything that we have been through. After Friday’s detention I saw him in the hallway and he apologized to me.”

Wait a darn garn minute!!!!! Friday’s detention? Speaking with him? Signing the detention slip?

Onward…

The concert was not all that bad. Butter chose not to play the harder ones because he just got his glasses last weekend and prior to that he had not been able to see the board well when they were practicing. (under your breath now say “bitch”) My ears only bled once and believe me when I say if I had the opportunity to post the hideous rendition of taps EVAH I would. I just can’t figure out how to.

Next, we went to the kid’s classroom to see the recycle fair.

The kids all had a project to do. It was to create something out of recyclable products to demonstrate. Butter chose to create a recycling robot. This kid has worked very hard for the last three weeks creating this and putting together his report. The teacher put him right next to the door, because he was the well dressed one, to thank everyone for coming to the fair.

He did his job well.

The parents were rude. Most were dressed still in their pajamas. The kids were rude. I walked around the room and checked out the other kid’s reports and only two other children even said thank you for looking at my project. The parents in the hallway were rude. Many were dressed like snobs. Almost all had another kid or something in tow. One mom, okay picture all of the above, with two teeth missing was laughing as her younger child ran up and down the hallway ripping children’s artwork off the walls.

This was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me!!!!!

Effing people are effing rude. If you can’t respect yourself to get dressed in the morning to go out in public then DON’T!!!! Seriously, stay the eff home. Control your effing children. Some of us are raising our children to have respect for others. I am the mom that you would roll your eyes at for grabbing their little shit under the arm and smacking their ass for acting that way in public. Why can’t you?

It is one thing to be called a bitch, which I have been on occasion. It is another to get in your car and think, “What the? I hate people. People just plain ole SUCK”.

I may need some help...or a slap!

2011-06-08T11:22:00.002-04:00

With this blog post I will probably piss off many a people but seriously I don’t care.

Lately, I have been dealing with ignorance beyond words.

Work has been a killer. I have been swamped beyond swamped. I was personally responsible for over 2 million dollars worth of sales and renewals last year and am on target for 3 million this year. I have discussed with my VP that it is beyond what any one person can possibly handle on their own.

He agreed that I need help.

In case, you missed it, 6 months ago, I was transferred to another department. My job did not change only where I sit and who I report to did.

Anyway, BigBoss and LittleBoss decided that it would be a good idea to move someone from another group to help me as soon as they could. This was done with no discussion with me until after it had happened. They transferred the person that was not performing in their job.

I have been training this individual for 2 MONTHS. Not weeks, months, and I am pulling my hair out.

Backstory – I have my degree in Elementary Education and certifications in Math and Special Needs. I could teach a special needs 4th grader algebra and I cannot teach this person how to think before he acts.

Today, for an example, he sent an email in French thanking a woman for her inquiry and order forms to a group coordinator that was concerned that the order that she placed 2 weeks ago has spelling errors in the names. THIS WAS AFTER I RESPONDED YESTERDAY AND TOLD HIM SO!!! VERBALLY AND IN EMAIL FORM!

Ugh, I am trying so hard to help this individual to learn the group process and yet he doesn’t listen to anything and just goes forward doing his own thing.

Not intentionally, I hope, he is sabotaging a $3,000,000 money maker for this company and I have no other options.

I know I need to say something but am not sure how or to who. I am up to my elbows in my own work and now fixing all of his mistakes on top of it. I am becoming a bitch and know that the emotions will be worse the longer the situation persist. I have a bad habit of letting my emotions overcome my tone when I talk.

HELP!

Tiny Bubbles...by the sea

2011-04-24T20:50:00.000-04:00

There has been no bubble the last couple of months. Seriously, there has not been time for the bubble. I don’t have time to bitch to anyone because there just aren’t enough hours of the day.

So here I am to tell you a few of the little tidbits of my life that will eventually become great posts.

#1 and #8 have been taking my mom out for dinner on Sundays lately. These have not been healthy dinners and they have been buying her alcohol to boot. My mom has been swelling up like a balloon at a birthday party. Her ankles look like my thighs and her feet don’t fit into shoes. When I tell my brothers that they can’t serve my mom alcohol and salty fried foods, they laugh and say it is not like they are force feeding my mom. Okay so that might be the case but why not bring food in instead.

#2 has been coming to family functions the last few months and leaving the wife at home. It has been very pleasant and even his little shit of a kid has no one to run to when he gets what he deserves.

#3 became a grandfather three weeks ago. One of the most beautiful baby girls became a part of this scary world and even scarier family. They kids came to visit and show off the baby and only 2 of my brothers and their families bothered to show up to say hello and even then it was only evens that were there.

#5 is back up and going after his horrible car accident this winter. It is great to see him but something is still a little off. I am almost afraid to ask but when I get him alone I will.

#6 has no really horrible stories to tell about but I am sure there will be something soon.

#7 has become the biggest victim and so has his wife. We spent Easter afternoon together today and well…I think three bottles of wine for one 120 pound woman is a little much. It is for their little guy that I am running in a 5K next Sunday to raise awareness for Autism. If you could or do watch Parenthood, they are definitely Adam and Christine only…well Adam is in great shape.

#8 has been coming to dinner every Wednesday night for the last few months and is now dating a really “hot girl”. I just wish things had worked out with the “good doctor”. This one is a ditz.

I told you that next Sunday I am running the 5K in the morning but I am also going to be celebrating the bestest baby in the whole wide world’s first birthday party. I am not even the little bit exaggerating.

I will take pictures if I get the chance and you can see. He is just the greatest. But it is sure to have more family fun stories since it is #3’s grandson and a family function that will bring his first wife and her family along with the second wife and all of us. Yippee bring on the fun…I can feel the bubble growing.

Chicken Soup for April

2011-04-22T16:09:00.000-04:00

It has most definitely been a crazy couple of weeks but it seems as though it may be coming to an end.

If and when I have 5 minutes to sit at the computer and type out a post there are so many things shooting through my head that I can’t decide on one thing.

Today is Chicken Soup…

For those who know me, I don’t suffer from attention deficit; hey, did you see that chicken?

I don’t have the time nor the patience for a whole bunch of chicken pictures today either.

My 14 year old needs to get a 98% in Math this quarter to pass for the year. If he does not pass, he loses his acceptation to the school he chose. He has a piss poor attitude and he stole money from me last week. I have no more patience with him and finally kicked him out of the house and made him go live with my in-laws (for all of about 18 hours). My husband can’t accept that I am right and this behavior needs to be nipped in the bud. Lie and cheat and steal….not on my watch. Maybe the next time, I will move out.

I have been hired an assistant. He is the sweetest guy in the world. He smiles constantly and has the best attitude. He is as dumb as a post but sweet just the same. No wonder they gave him to me.

I have just over a week before my first 5K ever. Ugh, I am scared to death. I figure I walk a 15-16 minute mile; I can have this finished within 40 minutes even if I only run half of the time.

My bestest baby friend EVER turned one this week. It makes me feel so old. However, I cannot figure out how I could love this peanut as much as I do. It is like he is mine, only he is not. Does that make sense? Maybe, maybe not.

I had a dream, a dream of living on the water. I dream of building my house that I would live in for the rest of my life. I dream of winning the lottery and then it can happen. I found out last night that unless someone has a market for a 14 year old boy (just about the only thing worth selling right now) I will not be able to afford this dream. I could start dreaming that someone rich dies and leaves me money. The only problem with that dream is that I don’t know anyone rich and I certainly would not want them to die.

I have a few friends that need a swift kick in the ass. I think that I would very much like to get some of my frustration out in doing just that. The problem is that I think they know it too and so it would not be a surprise.

I hope all that celebrate this weekend have a beautiful and blessed Easter. Those of you who have just celebrated Passover, I hope that you had a Chag Sameach. (Darn, I hope I said that right).

P.S. Don’t forget that it is Autism Awareness Month…that is why I am running my 5K.

It is Autism Awareness Month and I am doing something about it.

2011-04-13T15:02:00.001-04:00

Just before going to sleep each night, I collect my thoughts and count my blessings.

Almost eighteen years ago I was preparing to become a mother for the first time. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. I spent the next eighteen years raising that son and two others. My boys are a blessing that I count every day.

For those who know me personally, you know that I am one who strongly believes in the sanctity of family. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses and my family is one of my strengths. This is another one of the blessings that I count.

I have 13 nieces and nephews and a great nephew and a great niece. These beautiful children are another blessing that I count.

My little dude Ryan was lucky number 13. Ryan is now 5 and has captured my heart in a way that I did not know could be done. This little dude is the only person alive that I will allow to call me “dude”.

I have another blessing to count.

I can walk. I can run. I can move.

Today, I ask you for a favor that I never thought I would be asking.

I am running a 5K. Yes, I know that sounds funny to hear, it sounds even funnier to say. But I am running a 5K on May 1, 2011.

I run for Ryan. I run for the Autism Resource Center of Central Massachusetts. I run to raise money for the center that has done so much for Ryan. I run for the joy of seeing the finish line and for awareness to all.

Please support me by going to the link and donating. I am not asking for much, I need to pull my weight for the team so anything will be helpful.

Thank you!!!!!

https://sna.etapestry.com/fundraiser/HMEA-HoraceMannEducational/5KRunforautismawareness/individual.do?participationRef=162.0.121512333

And I count you as a blessing.

My sincerest apologies, it was not intentionally done.

2011-03-21T09:33:00.000-04:00

I have been a very bad girl! I have not blogged or read blogs in weeks. I can barely keep my head above water most days and lately it seems as though it is just getting worse.

Work has been interesting. I received an Employee Excellence Award last week at the annual company meeting. It is like Employee of the Year award that each department presents, only it is presented by the President of the company.

It made me feel worthy of all the hard work and long hours I have been putting in here. However, I feel as though it is also an excuse for my new department to create more work for me without any sign of help in the future.

I have been going through some shit at home too.

It is not new shit, just escalated shit that never seems to go away.

I have been over and over in my head how I can do things different or how I could have done things better. The only answer to my questions comes in the same phrase that upset me so much on Friday.

“By this age there should be some responsibility.”

I am talking about Peanut. He is at it again. He has days that are so great and then the lying starts all over again.

Two weeks ago, progress reports were sent home. Since Peanut and Butter go to the same school it comes as no surprise that when Butter brought his home, I should have expected Peanut to do the same.

Only I trusted him. He said the reason that he did not get one was because the class had spent a week in Washington DC and so the 8th grade was a week behind everyone else.

When a week later came about and I still didn’t have it in my hand, I questioned him again. He said he didn’t understand why he did not have it yet. So Friday I called the school.

He had been given it. He had also failed three classes. I once again was livid that the school had not informed me of the problem. I guess what upset me the most was that they had no intention of contacting me until after the school play had finished all of the performances. Peanut had a lead role.

On Friday night, I refused to let him participate. Since he had lied to me for over a week, I felt as though there should have been consequences. So I made my own.

My heart had been broken. I cried for hours.

I apologize for not being around, I am so sorry that I have not commented on your blogs. I am very sorry for not having the time and or resources to read everything in my reader. But I am mostly sorry that when I looked at the number on the reader I became extremely overwhelmed and I have deleted them all.

I will try and be better.

Little steps

2011-02-26T22:31:00.000-05:00

I went shopping today. I hate shopping. I hate grocery shopping the most but really hate shopping.

I needed to go though and Butter has been busy all week so it was a special time for us to spend together.

Butter wanted to bring my mom.

I like to go and get what I need and get it done. My mom does not allow that to happen. She is too sore all the time to walk and drags me down.

I don’t just mean physically but mentally as well.

See, my mom is depressed. My mom has been depressed for a few years now and it is not getting any better. She has nothing good to say. No great stories to tell, only depressing ones. It is very hard for me to get through any time with her at all.

But that is another little bubble that I would like to build and have float far, far away.

I bought running sneakers today.

I know I don’t run, but this is going to change. I am watching my mother not be able to walk. I watched my dad die from complications due to his diabetes. I am watching my mother gain weight and gain weight and get more depressed.

I don’t want diabetes. I don’t want to not be able to go out and do things when I am older. I don’t want to be depressed. I want my children to want to spend time with me when I am older. I want to live a full happy life. I want to lose this weight.

I need to find a sports bra and some good running shorts. Oh and maybe some tops but the bra is the most important thing first. These Double D’s need some support.

I am bound and determined to make this work. I have been exercising 3 days a week. I do weights one day a week and for once in my life I have upper body strength.

I feel good.

Chinese food and fun

2011-02-20T20:55:00.000-05:00

I know that I have not been to vigilant at posting lately. One of the main reasons is that I have been so busy at work lately that I have not had any time. I come home from work and deal with the family things that need my attention, like algebra homework, and then I am too tired to write that I end up in bed before I can even turn on the computer.

Tonight, however, I feel the need to tell a little story.

Remember, Wednesday’s post about Butter and his in school suspension? This happened the night before the big boys and dad took their trip to the Keys.

I have been trying to punish Butter by making him do chores in their absence and it has worked. Another thing is I have been trying to teach him how to filter.

This is not an easy task.

Especially when you have a ton of uncles who insist on giggling about your misfortune.

Tonight, my #1 brother took my mom, #8, us and his daughter out for Chinese food. This in itself was a great idea. Feeding my mother Mai Tai’s, not so much of a good idea.

My mother was a very refined woman. For years, all we ever heard was the proper way to behave in public. After two Mai Tai’s, my mom’s filters fall off. She talks to strangers and tells my 9 year old horrible stories.

My brothers are not much better. At one point, #8 corrected Butter for saying broccoli. He quietly told me and #1 that the child needed to learn that when in the correct setting the word is broccori.

After a slight chuckle and a few back slaps, #1 says ROR.

ROR people, ROR. I ROR’d so hard that I peed my pants a little.

I am so going to hell in a hand basket. This was just a little few extra weaves that I have sewn into that basket.

Is it any wonder why my children are the way that they are.

Butter! Butter!

2011-02-16T12:03:00.000-05:00

It is a Wednesday and I am already looking forward to a long weekend.

I have an amazing bitch session to do about my husband and his baby boy attitude that he has had over the course of the past few weeks. But that will have to wait.

You see, the big boys are leaving tomorrow morning for a 10 day scout trip to an Adventure Camp on the High Seas. Hubby is going with them and it will be just Butter and I.

I know I have talked about Butter in the past. He is my baby. He is 9, very close to 10. He loves to read and it continuously telling us and others that he is artist, not athletic.

I have come to accept his little quirks. Today however I can’t accept this little one. This is a two inch quirk.

Today at school, Butter was playing kickball in gym class. The teacher set the rules at the beginning of the class. One rule was there is no leading. If you take your foot off the base the other team can tag you out.

My little guy, who is not athletic, was playing a base and the little girl on the base took her foot off the base and moved a few feet away from the bag. Butter got the ball and tagged the girl out. SUPER victory for the little guy. The little girl cried and so the teacher let her back on base and didn’t call the out. Butter was put back and voiced his opinion. If you are going to make the rules, the rules should be for everyone. Then he questioned if it were a little boy who was tagged out would she change the rules then? The teacher said she was the teacher and allowed to change the rules when necessary.

Butter could not accept this. “Rules are rules and my mom and dad always tell me that if you don’t follow the rules than a game is not worth playing.“

The teacher told him he could go sit on the bleachers if he did not like the call she made.

Butter headed toward the bleachers, and in one last effort to prove his disappointment he turned and …

Butter has an in school suspension today.

He’s grounded and in some serious trouble.

Why am I finding it hard not to do a fist pump?

How fitting?!

2011-01-25T10:54:00.000-05:00

This is my 200th post. How fitting for me to be able to say...Yeah for ME!

Sometimes my intelligence amazes me.

After this post and all the crap I got from family and friends for telling my children “LIES”, I just want to make sure that the world knows.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41188500/ns/world_news-weird_news/?gt1=43001

My life is AWESOME when I can say to all…PPPPBBBBBSSSSSSTTTTTTT! (that is a huge raspberry for those of you who don’t know)

Told you so.

I love my life sometimes.

Chicken Stew

2011-01-12T22:32:00.001-05:00

Free Range Chickens are the only chickens around here lately.

I think with the two large snow storms that we have had around here and then also the holidays, the coop got damaged and hence the randomness of the chickens.

For those of you who haven’t been around since the beginning, I suffer from attention; hey, did you see that chicken?

Well this post is all about chickens because sometimes when I point those out they come back on their own and I can then gather the eggs and feel like I have accomplished something.

Chicken #1-Sarah Palin did not shoot Rep Giffords. Stop posting the shit on the internet and keep your mother effing opinions to yourself or I will delete you from my friends list, or better yet (wait right here…) HAH! I just blocked your wall postings. I feel better.

Chicken #2-My Jelly is going for his license. I feel extremely old and am scared to death as to how much my car insurance will increase.

Chicken #3-No shit, I tell you no lie…I received a bill from the electric company for $14,882.56. Yup, tell me I was in the wrong to call and argue this bill. Better yet, tell me I was right in smacking my husband upside the head when he told me that I better not just pay it. Who the hell has that kind of money in their checking account? Seriously? How long have we been married?

Chicken #4-I planned on working from home today during the snowstorm. Instead, I shoveled for 5.5 hours straight with only 2 butt breaks and even they were outside while I brushed off the cars. I hurt everywhere.

Chicken #5- I desperately need a haircut.

Chicken #6- I am reading a book right now and if the woman who wrote it didn’t live in Utah and have 3 more kids than me I would swear she and I were twins.

Chicken #7 –Speaking of Sarah Palin…see the brain works weird…Does it bother anyone else that she had the biggest bi-atch in the world on her show and I lost a little respect for Alaska letting her in. Oh yeah, and I love her dad.

Chicken #8-the military channel sucks. Just saying. It is the only thing on my tv lately is Hitler.

Chicken #9-this November I will have been married 20 years. I want to take a trip with my husband for this joyous occasion. Only issue is I want to do it as a surprise. How might I get that done?

Chicken #10- my new boss was in 2nd grade in 1992. I need a promotion.

Chicken #11-my next post will be my 200th. I can't believe that number. I don't even remember the past few months. Did I really blog about it?

WOW! I feel better. Thank you for reading my gibberish.

*all chicken pictures are borrowed from Google Images

Communication? Relationships? I don't really know.

2011-01-08T11:16:00.000-05:00

There have been so many things that have happened over the last few days/weeks that I want to post about and yet it seems that the busy-ness(I know that is not a word but this is my blog) of my life. I sit here at my computer on a Saturday morning catching up on the other blogs and emails from home and still the thoughts are running amuck.

Although Christmas has created almost no major drama, there is always drama to be had. I find that a lot of drama can be found as a result of the internet and society's new “ways” to communicate.

This brings me to a question that has been lingering in my head for a few weeks now.

What is a relationship?

The definition of a relationship according to dictionaries is : the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a : kinship b : a specific instance or type of kinship.

What the heck does that even mean?

When I was in junior high (7-8 grades) we patiently waited for a boy to “ask us out”. This usually consisted of telling friends that you “liked” someone and they would tell the boy’s friends and so on and so on. Maybe you would get a note passed to you or maybe this would be an encounter by your locker. We had dances. You didn’t necessarily dance until the slow dance with your “boyfriend” but you “knew” that when the time came you were not sitting on the bleachers when that song came on. When you “broke up” it was traumatic to your little heart but you got over it because someone would usually say that “his friend” liked you too.

I had three “relationships” in junior high. One was with Jason. This was a “relationship” that I had from 2nd grade on. Jason and I kissed each other under the desks one day and again on the playground because “our friends” did not believe that it really happened. Jason and I "liked" each other and when he moved away he would still call me on occasion just to talk. I look back on this as a mother and have to chuckle. When in 6th grade he called to say he was moving back to town, I was so excited. He came back a hoodlum. I was mortified. He still wanted to “go out” but being the “good little girl” that I was this scared the crap out of me. “What would my daddy think if he ever met this boy?”

That was usually the deciding factor in EVERYTHING that I did. Scary, looking back and knowing that the decisions in my life always revolved around what my daddy would think.

My second relationship in junior high was with Todd (not the Todd you think). I had a HUGE crush on his older brother and thought that he would be just like him. This was so far from the case. Todd was as shy as could be and when one of the boys that he was friendly with told him that I planned on kissing him at the dance during a slow dance Friday night, he broke up with me. (Side note: I found out later that Jason was the one instrumental in creating this rumor)

My third relationship was with Danny. There was a sweet boy that I knew that Daddy would approve of. I broke up with him eventually only because I was leaving to go to another school and did not want to have to deal with a “long distance relationship”.

We broke up in person or on the phone but usually, it was in person.

This whole post is in response to two things that recently took place in my life.

Back in the beginning of December, I logged on to my Facebook account and found my son Peanut was in a “relationship”. This to me was somewhat amusing. What type of relationship can an 8th grade boy have with a girl that lived three towns away? He asked her out on Facebook by messaging her.

A few weeks later he posted that he was now “single”. This was even funnier to me because in my mind he had been single all along. She broke up with him on Facebook by messaging him.

She broke up with him because he was never on line. Little did she know that he had been grounded from the computer by his mother because he had bad grades. What happened to the personal communication that we used to have?

Then the final straw to my questioning mind broke.

Remember my story about #8’s new girl. Maybe not, maybe you need to read back all about #8. I knew it would not work out, but I am only the big sister.

Wednesdays have been our day to have #8 for dinner over the course of the past few months. He would come and use the computer, stay for dinner and have a great time talking. He did this throughout his fantasy football league. But now it is over and I have no idea what possessed me to call him. Maybe it is the bond the two of us have. I emailed him to tell him we were having homemade lasagna and I was fully aware that #3 had just left that day and maybe he wanted to celebrate. Then again maybe I just missed seeing him. Either way he agreed to come. He had had a bad experience that day and wanted to vent.

The “chick” he had been dating broke up with him that day. BY A TEXT MESSAGE. He was furious. Not that he hasn’t already had enough crap happen in his life but this was enough to make him rant.

#8 is 32 years old and when the two of them started dating he said she was so much younger than him. She was 27. When I questioned how that could be he said she didn’t like to “talk” she only liked to email and text. He was mad as hell that she broke up with him by text. He was not mad that she broke up with him but that she did it by text.

So the whole thing lately that has bothered me is what happened to the personal communication? Why is it that if we are going to break a heart or pump one up, we can’t do it face to face?

Phew...

2011-01-04T09:54:00.000-05:00

Alright, I will admit it, I suck! I have been really bad at getting my stuff done. My work at home is piling up and the work at work is not much different. I have become very forgetful lately and have gone some days forgetting that I need to use the ladies room periodically. This is not something that is good when you have a funky bladder.

But I accomplished something this past weekend that I didn’t think that I would do.

I finished reading a book. This book has been sitting on the end of my bed for the last few months. I read a little and then put it down. Finally all 737 pages have been read. My opinion? No, no opinion here, this is pure fact. I will never read another damn book if it has been on Oprah’s list of books to read.

She sucks more than me. I just spent three months choking down the second book that she recommended about hell on earth.

This book that I just read will remain a mystery to most, unless you are on my “goodreads list”, but let me tell you this. I know that life sucks for a lot of people. I have been that mom trying to make ends meet when the car breaks down while sitting on a thread bare couch. I also realized that this book was meant to be a depiction in earlier times but that doesn’t change the fact that the whole town was messed up.

I have read many posts about New Year’s resolutions and have seen many posts on “crack”book about what people are setting their goals for the year 2011. I can tell you now that there will be none of that from me.

I will however pick up the other two books that are on my bed and start reading again.

Day after the day after...

2010-12-27T14:58:00.000-05:00

I know the craziness that is my life on occasion gets in the way of the simple pleasure that is my blog.

I also know that I promised some drama for the holidays and well, there was no real drama this year.

I do have a few stories, so to sum them up in a simple blog, here they are. Pictures sometimes make the best points.

Just before Thanksgiving, my mother's sweet neighbor gave my mom a brown plush snuggie. We all laugh at snuggies but this is the warmest blanket-slash-sleeved whatever you call it in my house. Butter has stolen it from me and it is usually a fight to get it back. So, for Christmas he asked my MIL to get him one. His came with Snuggie socks too.

Peanut didn't want anything for Christmas under $250 so my MIL filled a stocking for him hoping that he would like that. He also got some clothes from people and was thrilled to death...his favorite present however was the new Tracfone that MIL got him for $9.97 at wally world. See, you can make someone happy with just a simple under $10 item.

or something cheaper like a red bow to match your eyes.

Jelly was thrilled with his stocking stuffers. He asked for NOTHING for Christmas. I am serious. He was the hardest to buy for. He only gave us two hints...gloves that are thin and a fushigi. He got both.

Christmas morning came and the kids were excited. Since Peanut asked for an iPod touch, a bike (valued at almost $300 and/or a lap top, we thought we would teach him a lesson. The bike in the background is Butter's...but Peanut got an orange in a bag. We wrote on the outside open last. He got all giddy and started ripping open the bag because he thought that he would get the iPod. When he pulled out the orange he was all confused and looked at hubby with a look of horror. Hubby asked what else was in the bag. Peanut pulled out a letter saying "Orange you glad you opened me last? Match my color to the item on the porch for your last gift." He is still holding the orange in the picture.

We then got in the car and went to my mom's. This is where the craziness usally takes place. For some reason it when very smooth and maybe because my SILs are finally getting the message. We had three new additions to the mix this year.

#5 has a new girl. She is really sweet and even after I seriously wenched on the poor girl for screwing up my method of cleaning after dinner, she was smiling and I knew she would make it. She had #2 in the grab and he usually is horrible. Did I say horrible? I mean merciless with his presents. He usually throws it down and says something like, "oh great, a shirt that doesn't fit" or "Oh yippee, a tool that I will never use." This year he loved the gift and commented on how wonderful she was and how thoughtful that it was something that he would wear. She passed that test too.

#8 has a new girl too...not the winner we were hoping for. At one point someone asked if she was having a good time. Her comment was, "well at least I have a glass of wine in my hand". Did not go over well.
#3 did not have his 5 children come with their girlfriends and boyfriends so the amount of people at my mom was only 30.

See the little guy in the background? The one on #2's second's lap? That was the third new addition to my moms this year and he made the whole day so much better.

I hope you all had a great Christmas and one without drama as well. Would never have thought to ask for that for a present but it was the best one this year.

Let's hope for a great NEW YEAR TOO!

We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a ...oh just read on and see.

2010-12-14T13:31:00.000-05:00

Okay, I write last night that I don’t have time to blog about the goings on in my life and then today something happens that makes me think “I will truly forget to post about this, it cannot wait”.

The Christmas time is a time in my life that I value family. I believe that the best thing that you can do is take some time and truly love where you came from and what has made you what you are today. It is also a time to value yourself and your beliefs. It is also a time to get together with the normal ones in your family and talk about how bad someone needs a good ole fashioned kick in the head.

In this case, #3 may need more than a kick in the head. He has been hit by two cars, ran his moped into a telephone pole and had 2 tons of 2X4s fall on his head one by one. I don’t think that his head has any effect on his behavior. Now it is my whole hearted belief that he needs to have a pole shoved up his arse so far that maybe the common sense that is in his pants can have a chance to make it back up.

Let me back up…

Remember back in June when I told you all about how he came up to Massachusetts for a few weeks to “find a job”? Remember how I told you he left his 15 year old son behind? Remember when I told you that the woman that he lives with in Florida is NOT the mother of the 15 year old son? Well, let me fill you in since June.

The 15 year old, basically left on his own, was being picked on at school. With no father around to talk to and a “woman” in the house who didn’t care too much one way or another, he took the situation into his own hands and beat the ever living daylights out of a kid. Seriously injuring the child, to the point where charges were brought against him.

When #3 returned to Florida, he informed his son that the only reason he came back was because #8 told him that he could not leave him behind. So he was going to have to leave so that he could move back to Massachusetts. (Pointing out right now that he told his 15 year old son that he was kicking him out) Son spent the summer in Maine with his mother, another long story but not important at this time, where he met a girl. This girl told son that if he moved back to Maine for good she would have sex with him. What 15 year old boy would not have his bags packed. (Well, besides mine who are so innocent and well behaved)

Son returned back to Florida for the hearing and received his sentence and then packed his bags and moved to Maine. Where he is living now with the mother and his ½ sister and from what I understand the soon to be ex husband…or something like that.

In the meantime, #3 has decided that he is “coming home for the holidays”. He packed his truck and left this morning.

The “girlfriend” that he has been with for 13 years is still in Florida. Jackass never told her that he was leaving “for good” or has had a conversation with her for the last month about the possibility. Nope, the spineless effup had a lawyer do it.

In the meantime, he has invited all of his children to live with #8 over the holiday too. #8 is pretty upset at this time. #8 has never seen #3 for what he really is but now his eyes are open.

Back up and tell you that #8 is a widower that lives alone with his two cats. Now he is being inundated with 1 alcoholic eff up, 2 nephews and their girlfriends, one of which is pregnant, 1 niece and the boyfriend she is bringing and two other nephews. Yup 8 additional mouths to feed and house without any support financially from #3. Why, because he hasn’t had a job in over 3 years and has no intention of getting one either.

So, #3’s girlfriend sent #8 this message a few weeks back…

Just wanted to say "thank you" for the effort you have put forth, to terminate a 13 year relationship, and screw me over, at the same time!

I thought much higher of you, until this!

Today he received this one…

I am filing charges against #3 for RAPE / assult and larceny. And I will be sending him his dog!

Good luck with him.

(her misspelling not mine)

So, this is the beginning of the holiday cheer for all of you. I myself am very interested to see how this all plays out.

Hope you are to.

Just a quick catch up...i'll be back

2010-12-13T21:47:00.002-05:00

Well, it has been a few since my last post and let me tell you something. Change is inevitable. I guess just being able to flow with it is a blessing in itself.

Let me tell you about my last few weeks.

I turned 42 a few weeks back and since then my life has been a whirlwind.

I had the best birthday week ever but am paying for it since.

I worked only two days my birthday week. I have been catching up at work since.

It is renewal time and since I have done over 800,000 dollars in new sales last year and over 1.5 million in renewals, I have my work cut out for me right now. I am literally drowning and don’t see relief around the corner. In fact, I see myself slowly getting deeper and deeper.

My VP quit in October and last Tuesday we met the replacement. We all sat around a large table listening how this VP was going to make great changes and ½ hour later, I learned the first big change.

I no longer work for that department. I have been moved to the sales department. I know that sounds weird after just telling you how much I did in sales, but I worked for the Marketing Department before now.

I move sometime this week and on top of doing all my work, I am packing my desk and getting ready to move.

I sit here at home taking a break from working in order to catch you all up to date. I promise to tell you more soon because I got some good stories to tell.

See you soon.

The holidays are coming...

2010-11-30T15:52:00.000-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am glad to be back. I have so much to tell you and fill you in with the goings on of the family fun house. For those of you who are new to the dysFUNctional goings on of my extended family, let me give you a crash course. Know full well that you can’t the full picture unless you go back to the beginning of the blog when I introduced you to them all.

I am a mother of three boys who grew up in a house full of brothers. I had 7 of them. I have no sisters, only sister in laws, at last count I have had 10 of those and there are two new girlfriends. You do the math. I have been married to my husband for 19 years. My husband was BFFs with my #2 brother and that was how we met. I tell people that we put the FUN in dysfunctional and boy, do we ever.

I will let you know that this holiday season is bound to be the best yet. Let me tell you why…#1 has decided to declare himself the ruler of the roost. Since Dad is no longer around and “no one is willing to help mom” he will call the shots. Bwaa ha “choke”, “gag”, ha, “choke”, ha, hold urination in, ha ha ha…read back to see how much he does around the fire.

#2 was at #1’s for Thanksgiving without the wife and kids. I got the biggest hug ever and the kids had a blast wrestling with him on the floor and laughing the whole time. But that is getting ahead of myself, at mom’s birthday she decided that she was going to spend the entire time outside smoking in her car and if people wanted to talk to her they would go out there. She actually numbered you when you got to the window. Anyway, funny little chicken here…I had to make the names for the grab and could not find her. I went looking for her with my bowl of names for her to pick her grab and when I found her she said “Number 4”. I was slightly confused and said “?”, she told me that I was the fourth person to come and find her. Since there were 23 people there that was not a good odd. Still confused, because I don’t get those kinds of games, I stuck out the bowl for her to pick. It was here turn to be confused and acted like she had never seen the bowl with names before. She then told me she was not picking. She had told “EVERYONE” that she was not in the grab this year and then continued to bitch at me. At this time, I turned on my heals, said it was nice to know that “EVERYONE” knew and maybe she should inform her husband since he was the one who sent me out to her car to find her. Bitch! Oops, positive atmosphere, positive atmosphere.

#3 is moving home…alright I know I have said this a few times already but the girlfriend called my mom last night and sent #8 an email saying “Just wanted to say "thank you" for the effort you have put forth, to terminate a 13 year relationship, and screw me over, at the same time! I thought much higher of you, until this!”

Oh believe me the story will get more interesting as the time goes on. Again, if you new around these parts…I very much dislike my #3 brother and all that he does. He physically makes me ill.

#5 has a new girlfriend, who has a 16 year old daughter, who is cute, who is constantly being pushed upon my boys as if they needed it.

#6 is still #6 and still awesome.

#7, well again lets use the odds and evens here. Who is doing alot of the pushing around when it comes to my boys.

Then there is #8. Who finally has a girlfriend, well a friend who is a girl. Who does not want to get too serious. Who only certain family members have met yet. Who is bound to go running like the wind once she gets a hold of this mess.

I will keep you up to date and the time comes closer.

Phew, i am done

2010-11-29T22:13:00.000-05:00

This is it folks, it is official; I am done with the challenge and, after this post, have finished all 30. I apologize in advance if it gets too long.

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Change? This is something that many people have difficulty with. Me, not so much, I like change. I would love to change my current cash flow. I would also like to change my waistline. The stretch marks on my middle section from carrying three HUGE babies and gaining very little weight during my pregnancies…definite CHANGE. Personality? Nope, I love me and wouldn’t change it.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Dear MaeRae,

Are you aware of the fact that you are an inspiration to others? I know you hear it on a regular basis and have a hard time accepting it, but it is true. I love the way that you have raised your little boys into great men that will make a woman very happy. I love the way that even at the age of 14 and 17 they still climb on your lap to have their backs rubbed or the hair combed through with your fingers.

I love your love for your friends. It is a great thing to feel the love for a friend even if you had not seen one of them for a long time.

I love your words of inspiration and your genuine feeling of pride for people that you don’t even know.

I love the fact that your smile is a constant. I am very proud of you for the strength that you have to voice your dislike for something or someone but not keep it deep inside. You have this great strength to LET IT GO. I am even more proud of you for growing that even more over the course of the last year.

I love your new sense of completion. You persevered through these 30 days of Truth and completed it. Great job.

I love your sense of family and the love you have for all of them.

I love you and all you do! Keep up the great work.

Love always,

27&28 only two to go...

2010-11-27T09:44:00.000-05:00

The craziness that is my life continues on and I am so happy that I am just a few days away from finishing my 30 days.

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

I have this issue with jinxing things by saying that they are going good and then waking up to find that they are gone or destroyed. So today one of the things that is going really good for me right now is my ability to spend money that I don’t have. I can save and save and look at my checking account balance and find that there is nothing there. It never fails; this is something that has always been good…an empty bank account.

The best thing going for me right now is my weight gain. I can say without any doubt in my mind that this is a no fail situation. I stand on the scale and the gain is inevitable. I love that fact that as soon as I start eating good and exercising regularly the scale goes up and up and up.

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

This question is something that is discussed often around me. For some reason, for the last 19 years people have asked me when I am going to get pregnant, when am I going to have another, and even the girl who makes the sandwiches at the cafeteria asks me daily if it is okay if I have feta cheese in my side. Either I need new clothes or I look like I am 6 months pregnant.

If I were to become pregnant, I would need somewhere to live. Since my husband has been fixed during the pregnancy of Butter, I think my arse would be out on the street within a matter of a few minutes after finding out.

On the other hand, if I got someone pregnant…well, then I guess all the things going good for me right now would be destroyed. Maybe, I will work on this.

Don't feel bad...I am so used to it.

2010-11-25T22:10:00.000-05:00

I will start this blog by saying Happy Thanksgiving. “Happy Thanksgiving”, oh I guess that wasn’t starting the blog with it but I think you get the point.

The next three posts on this grueling quest to finish the “days” are here for you to read and be thankful that when I am done with these there are only 4 more “days” to go.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Dear Husband,

I few weeks back we celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary and #3 remembered and you did not. I should not have been surprised; I suppose it is just “Another Brick in the Wall” - Pink Floyd. After all of these years, “No More Tears (Enough Is Enough)” - Barbra Streisand & Donna Summer, I decided to take it into my own hands and surprise you instead. I brought home a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of champagne hoping that would spark your memory. I guess not. Our 17 year old needed to tell you why they were there on the table. “I Can't Go For That” - Daryl Hall & John Oates. I am done with the bullshit. I am tired of being the one with the Memories”-Barbara Streisand.

I Can't Wait - Nu Shooz any more for you to start getting your shit together. Let this be a clear warning for you. My birthday is in 3 days. You best Don't Forget Me (When I'm Gone) - Glass Tiger.

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

The very basic reason is because I get up every morning and put my feet on the floor.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

This one is easy. NO, NOT EVER!

Another two...almost done.

2010-11-22T10:04:00.000-05:00

Holy crapola people, I only have 7 days left after this post. I am bound and determined to do it…even if I have cheated a little here and there by posting more than one day on a post. But seriously, if I posted every day I would have been done with this already. So here are another two.

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Life experiences are something that I think teaches you lessons for the future. I had to think long and hard to come up with something that I wish I hadn’t done in my life. The only thing that I could come up with was slack off.

Slack off? Have you ever done that? I am the queen of slacking off. I could be so much better off financially if I had not slacked off. I am a pretty intelligent person but never applied myself in school. I was too busy slacking off. I could have gone back to school and decided what I wanted to be when I grew up but I slacked off. I could be down to my goal weight by now. But I slack off.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

I used to say that I wished I traveled. I am traveling now, it is fun but not what I thought it would be like.

I always hesitate to wish for something because more often than not it comes true and then I am sorry for the wish.

I can joke around and say that I wish that I married a rich man. I can joke around and wish that I had thought of birth control before the hormones kicked in and my boys became teenagers. I can wish for health and happiness but truth be told…

I don’t wish for anything at this time. I like my life and would not trade it for anyone else’s right now.

Killing two birds with one blog...

2010-11-19T20:33:00.000-05:00

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

It is Friday night and I am sitting at home in front of the computer. My answer to the post for day 20 would have to be in moderation anything is okay.

Truth be told, I have in issue with the over prescribing of drugs. I know the question doesn’t mean prescription drugs but that is the one that I have an opinion on.

Don’t get me wrong, as I post this I can almost feel the follower list going down.

If you have problems with your heart and the only way that you can be stabilized is with a prescription drug then fine, doctor puts you on a drug. If you have problem with attention span…drugs are not necessarily the answer.

Let me tell you that I watched a man who’s answer to the diagnosis is give me a drug, DIE.

I don’t believe that the answer to your problem is in the bottle.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Let me make myself clear. If I know that it happened, I am there for you!

3 at a time...

2010-11-14T11:24:00.000-05:00

Today I am killing three at a time. I got so many stories to tell you and with the holidays coming up they promise to be some eye opening FUN FAMILY FACTS...so since i spent so many a day NOT posting, i need to make up for it.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

I read a lot of books. I read more in the summer and this summer was no different. I read The Kite Runner. This book made me realize that even though there is a lot in the media about the war and the Taliban, you really don’t know what it is all about until you put yourself there.

No, I wasn’t there but this book opened my eyes to a lot more than I would have been seeing if I hadn’t.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

My answer on this question and the next are pretty much the same.

Every person is different in so many ways.

Do I think that gay couples should marry?

Well, my inner heart says that if you love someone whether same or different sex and you were meant to be with that person for the rest of your life, why should you not be able to be with them?

Marriage has such a different meaning in society than it does in religion. Marriage of two people is a joining. Gay couples should be able to marry in society. I don’t think that it should be something that happens in the church.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

I think my religion is MY religion. Your religion is YOUR religion. God has his presence in all religions but it is not my place to say yours is better or mine is right.

Politics on the other hand…I don’t discuss with people.

Does anyone remember the tune that I was singing when i started this mess?

2010-11-13T11:17:00.000-05:00

Before I start today’s truths, let me tell you a little about myself this weekend. This is a camping weekend and you know what that means. The kitchen is clean, doing the floor tomorrow. I am in heaven though; this weekend is a little different. This is a weekend that they took Butter with them. Yippee, me time. I need it this weekend. And I realized something life shattering this week.

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

My husband. Listen closely, because I never compliment my husband. I don’t have to. He knows exactly how I feel and is extremely secure about that too.

But, who would make my coffee in the morning? Who would make sure that dinner is on the table every night? Who would warm the bed for when I get in cold at night? Who would have been the reason for me to breathe and push forward? Who? Certainly not my mother, brothers, and so called “friends”. I love my time to myself once a month but I miss the bastard when he is gone.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

I would without a doubt have to say that I could definitely live without my effing period. I discovered this week that I suffer from PMS. I never have before but I definitely do. I have eaten a truck load of sugar, cake and cookies. What the heck is that? Then, I fricken cry at the drop of a fricken dime. I LIE NOT! I freaking cried at a freaking Sesame Street movie yesterday.

I could do without this extra 10 pounds of extremely fertile unused uterus

Day 13 and 14, two at a time...

2010-11-12T10:59:00.000-05:00

I decided that I am way behind on these so maybe I should start doing two at a time.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear Simon and Garfunkel,

Me and Julio, we been down at the school yard for a few years and it always lifts my spirits when you sing about it. I know you can call me Al and the 59th Street Bridge is a good little place for us to meet. But seriously, Love me like a rock and I will continue to be yours. Cecilia and I will be listening faithfully still.

Thank you,

MaeRae

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Dear Wonder Woman,

I have this letter that I am supposed to write to a hero. Since, the only HERO I have is up above, He cannot possibly let me down.

So I write to you in hopes that you will understand that as a younger child, I thought that having big boobs could mean that I could still look like you when I grew up. Yeah, not! Can you please give me the name of your tailor that made them stay up so well?

Thank you,

MaeRae

Day #11 and #12...who cares it is my blog.

2010-11-07T19:49:00.000-05:00

I decided to kill two birds with one stone tonight and put together day 11 and 12 only because if you go back to the beginning of the 30 days you will see I have had many a day in between that did not have posts.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

A compliment that I get on a regular basis is on my listening skills. I listen to what people have to say. I don’t only hear them but I listen as well. On occasion, I think this is a fault of mine but people always say it is a good trait.

This is a skill that I wish I had passed along to my children, but alas that did not happen.

Day 12→ Something you never get compliments on.

My driving skills leave a little bit to be desired. I am not the most conscientious nor am I the considerate. I leave you with this little story to make you fully understand.

Last Saturday, I was coming home from running a series of errands and while pulling into the front of my house, mind you in the husband’s vehicle, I drove into the front of my house. No really, I pulled in oddly and drove right into the front of the house. The front of my house has a brick flowerbox that is about 2 ½ feet high and SMACK…right into it.

Not the first time I have hit something as big as a house…and I am sure it was not the last time.

Day #10...I am such a slacker...

2010-11-06T14:25:00.000-04:00

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

This one was not an easy post to do. I only have three people that I know IRL but am deathly afraid that maybe it will be read by someone else eventually, but here it goes anyway.

I had a real good friend. The friendship started out well enough but as I have said before there is some sort of strange attraction to me from crazies.

L and I started out getting to know each other because we worked together. Soon, I became her manager. Knowing that she needed the support of someone that would motivate her, we started talking every morning. I had her write out punch lists and check on her the following morning to see the progress. At first it was very rare that I had her complain about her life, and then it became more and more frequent.

I listened to how horrible her mom was and how she was victimized by everyone. I listened to how her teenage daughter showed up on her doorstep with a baby and how she took them in. I heard all about how this child of hers accused her husband of sexual abuse because she heard that she could get money for being a victim. I heard the horror stories of what this daughter did to her family.

I gave a bunch of children’s clothes and furniture to L for her new grandchild.

I watched as this daughter started causing problems again. I stood quietly as this daughter destroyed relationship after relationship in this household and then she started saying that L and her husband were abusing her and her son.

L kicked her out and then let her back in a few months later.

The daughter signed her son over to her real father’s family for MONEY! No effing kidding on this one. She SOLD her child. (Side note…she has not seen this child in YEARS)

L was devastated!

The daughter got pregnant again with another child and started the crap all over again.

L’s mother stopped talking to L years ago because she could not take the fact that L kept taking this girl back as if she had an unending amount of free tickets. I started understanding the mother’s point of view.

I watched this girl destroy this family and I watched L get kicked EVERY time.

I finally stopped taking her calls. I happened to be busy every time she wanted to go out.

Then she SUED our boss. This is when I cut the cord.

I still think that L has some excellent qualities but the negative was too much for me to take.

Day #8 Feeling kind of great, Day #9 la la la bliny bline...

2010-11-02T12:45:00.000-04:00

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

This post is not hard to do. It is really pretty simple. I wrote of it in the person I need to forgive.

Reader’s Digest Condensed version is my old boss made my life hell and treated me like shit. Since I am on the forgiveness path, I will leave it at that.

But then there is Day 9

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

This post is not hard to do. It is really pretty simple. I wrote of it in the person I need to forgive.

Reader’s Digest Condensed version is my old boss made my life hell and treated me like shit. Since I am on the forgiveness path, I will leave it at that.

But then there is Day 9

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

This post was a little harder.

There are many different reasons that people drift and many times it has nothing to do with you personally, it is that life hands you obstacles that are hard to get around.

I had a group of friends that drifted. These were good friends that I spent many hours with during my later high school/early college life. It was not because I wanted to drift, but had no choice. I was not right around the corner; I was a few towns away. I did not have a car at the time that was reliable enough to get me back and forth. Others had boyfriends that came into their lives and they spent more time with them. Me, I just existed.

Years later and with the help of Facebook, I have reunited with most of them. Some, still not so much, but others, I have seen more in the past few months than I had seen in the last 20 years.

The drifter that hurts the most though is #2. I have posted a few different times about him and how I can see that he is unhappy. It hurts to know that I cannot talk to him as I used to. It also is very sad that we had always been able to kid around and laugh and I don’t remember the last time I had seen his smile.

Jelly was confirmed in the Catholic religion this past Sunday. My entire family, those that live in the area, were there, except #2.

#2’s son and grandson were there but I never even heard a response back from #2. I know that his wife very much dislikes my son Jelly, but to not even respond?

I never hope for anything bad to happen to others…I really don’t. I hope though that #2 realizes that the misery he is in is worse for him than losing his family over it. Cut the cord and let the bitch fall.

This post was a little harder.

There are many different reasons that people drift and many times it has nothing to do with you personally, it is that life hands you obstacles that are hard to get around.

I had a group of friends that drifted. These were good friends that I spent many hours with during my later high school/early college life. It was not because I wanted to drift, but had no choice. I was not right around the corner; I was a few towns away. I did not have a car at the time that was reliable enough to get me back and forth. Others had boyfriends that came into their lives and they spent more time with them. Me, I just existed.

Years later and with the help of Facebook, I have reunited with most of them. Some, still not so much, but others, I have seen more in the past few months than I had seen in the last 20 years.

The drifter that hurts the most though is #2. I have posted a few different times about him and how I can see that he is unhappy. It hurts to know that I cannot talk to him as I used to. It also is very sad that we had always been able to kid around and laugh and I don’t remember the last time I had seen his smile.

Jelly was confirmed in the Catholic religion this past Sunday. My entire family, those that live in the area, were there, except #2.

#2’s son and grandson were there but I never even heard a response back from #2. I know that his wife very much dislikes my son Jelly, but to not even respond?

I never hope for anything bad to happen to others…I really don’t. I hope though that #2 realizes that the misery he is in is worse for him than losing his family over it. Cut the cord and let the bitch fall.

Day #7, i feel like this is heaven...

2010-11-01T13:59:00.000-04:00

I have been working on the same order for the past 5 hours. I think I have taken three naps. I have had a bowl of oatmeal, a bowl of soup and some tea and can’t get warm. I guess I am suffering from mom overload let down the day after a very busy weekend. But at the same time, I had a great weekend.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

This one is a hard one for me to write about because I immediately think, “I would not kill myself”, so there really isn’t anyone except myself.

But then, I think to myself that is not the bologna you want to hear.

You want me to say that I could not imagine my life without my kids or maybe my parents. Oh wait, maybe I could say by brothers.

How about the sappiest answer and biggest cop out ever…my husband?

Every person that I have met in my life and every person that I have not met is the reason that my life is worth living.

Consider yourself, the answer to this question.

Day #6, somethin somethin that rhymes with 6...

2010-10-25T20:58:00.000-04:00

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

(oh lookie, i figured out how to get the picture there without having to save it on the computer...)

There are a lot of things that I had hoped I never would have to do and then there are the things that are inevitable.

On September 7, 2001, I was called in an emergency panic by my friend L. Her dad was on the floor and she needed help. As I ran up the stairs and opened the door to see her dad, my heart dropped, stopped, and rolled. It was too late.

I loved her dad like a dad myself and hoped that I never had to see another person die.

Unfortunately, that hope had not come true. My dad was just 5 years later.

As I watched him die in the bed in front of me, I hoped that I never would have to go through that again.

That was a hope that lasted for me a few more years until this past March when I once again watched a love one dying.

I hate to put things like that out in the universe. I have a bad, bad, bad, bad, habit of saying something and then having it come true. So if the worse that can happen to me is what I am about to say…

I hope I never have to step in doggie poo for the rest of my life.

There, now I said it!

Now a little update on my current status…

Last night, I had the fortune of being with a coworker that flew in from Texas for this convention so I would not be totally alone. He took me to dinner on Bourbon Street. A place called Red Fish Grill. Wow, is all I can say about the whole experience. The food was absolutely AMAZING, the stench was absolutely DISGUSTING, the entertainment outside on Bourbon Street was absolutely EYEBURNING and then it was back to the hotel.

Tonight, was a little different. We travelled to the garden district to a place called Jacques Imo’s. Holy Flying Halibut! I had the most amazing tasting food. I thought the Hickory Grilled Redfish was good last night? Mother of the fishes, tonight’s Salmon was TO DIE FOR.

When we finished dinner we went the longer way home and Steve showed me the garden district of New Orleans. I have a friend who spent a lot of time down here and claimed the city was the best. Well since he spent the time at Loyola, I can see now why he says that. That part of the city is absolutely breath taking.

This part over here is breath taking too, but this part is like puke your brains out take your breath away.

Back on the plane tomorrow and heading back to Boston. Where this 80-85 degree weather will be just a dream.

Day #5, I don't know if I'll survive

2010-10-23T22:44:00.002-04:00

Since I am not at home nor at my work computer I am not able to put up the picture of the 30 days of truth, so pretend that it is there okay?

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

I few years ago I would have said, I want to travel. The past two years, with my new job, I have been doing just that. Tonight, I write from my hotel room in the middle Canal Street in New Orleans. I am terrified to go out of the hotel because tonight I am here all by myself and many, many people told me not to discover the city on my own.

I thought I had met a new friend earlier, who was also here by herself, but she didn’t answer her cell phone when I called to see if she wanted to go to dinner. So now is the time that I think that perhaps I overwhelmed her. Or better yet, I am going with the fact that she fell asleep after hitting the hotel bed and didn’t hear her phone. Yup, that’s it.

Either way, let me get back to the truth on hand.

I hope to be able to provide for my family in such a way that I don’t have to worry about my children going without. I hate having to say no, or making them suffer on other ends because sports or school trips having taken from the monthly income.

My camp, the one I posted about during the summer months, will only be our camp for one more year. I hope to be able to build there so that my children and my husband will always be able to spend their summers on the pond.

I hope to be able to say, “honey, let’s take this trip together”. I have the greatest hotels with giant king size beds that I sleep in all by myself. I miss my honey, we sleep in a full size bed. I love snuggling and when I sleep by myself, I don’t sleep well.

I hope to be able to catch up on my reader as well, I am soooo far behind. I feel like work has overtaken my blogging life.

Day #4...I am laying on the floor

2010-10-22T13:05:00.000-04:00

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

It is a funny thing, forgiveness. I need to tell you that forgiving someone and forgetting something happened are two totally different things. As I thought about the person that I need to forgive, I realized that I had almost done just that. The last few steps should not be too hard.

Let me give you a heads up, this post will be very confusing to most since for the last year I have been talking about this person and have not been able to type about it because of the anger that was still inside me.

I have never been fired from a job. I pride myself on the fact that I am a hard worker. I dedicate myself to any position that I hold. My dad taught me young that a job well done can do wonders for your pride. Every job I have EVER had has always been able to give me stellar references. In fact, this job that I have now, after checking my references, my boss told me that 2 of my past bosses wanted me back. But that is getting ahead of me.

My last job was my first FULL TIME job since 1996. For 10 years, I had been the SAHM for three boys and since my youngest was starting full day kindergarten and we needed the money and the health insurance, I went back to work.

I was interviewed and hired all on the same day. The human resources department told me that this was the fastest that they ever hired anyone. My references were all stellar and they wanted me to drug test the next day and start work that following Monday. (Side note…I promised my youngest a day at the zoo that Monday so I started on Tuesday)

I started working and immediately wanted to be doing more. I took on every side job that I could. I went to extra trainings so that I could do more. I wanted to be busy and I loved everything that I was doing.

For the first year review that I was given, I received far more than the average raise in pay because my boss fought for it. The human resources department said that they had never seen a review like mine before. My boss and my peers all had wonderful things to say about me and they were more than happy to give me the raise.

The Head of the department wanted to promote me. She wanted me to take on another aspect of the job and become an equal with my direct supervisor.

Let me now tell you about her, we’ll call her Sue. Sue was an amazing person. She understood what it was like to be working full time and have three children at home. She was the sweetest person you could have ever known. She brought me hand me downs and treated us (the family) to many things. If she thought that I could do something she encouraged me to do it. I really considered her a friend, a great friend at that.

She was the most understanding person that I had ever worked for. When my dad died, she was at the wake and funeral.

When we were to merge with another department she made sure that I got my own office. When the merge took place something changed in her too. The big boss kept coming to me for the nutrition part of the office and went to her for the endo part. The big boss told the other department that if they needed anything to come to me, that I was always willing to help.

Sue did not like being second. She was filled with jealousy and it started showing in just about everything that she did.

She started being snippy with me. She then started insisting that after 18 months I fill out a time card. Then she insisted that I punch a time clock. When she realized that I was putting in 40+ hours a week and was only supposed to be 37.5 there was a problem there too.

She stopped allowing me to attend Nutrition staff meetings. She changed the time of the endo staff meetings and asked that I attend them. This was not something that I could do. I could not be at work at 7:30 in the morning and still put a 1st grader on the bus at 8. This was all a plan on her part to get rid of me.

I did not attend the first staff meeting and was written up for insubordination. Yup, the girl with the stellar 2nd year review just 8 weeks before was being written up for insubordination. When I called the human resources department for advice, I was told that I was lucky that I was not fired. Insubordination was not something they needed to give you a warning for.

Then it got worse. Sue started trying to get me fired for breaking HIPPA. If you are not in the health field you don’t know that breaking HIPPA is like threatening to kill the president.

I could not talk to anyone. I had lost my office because of everything that had been going on and in addition to that lost the position that the big boss was creating for me.

I was being asked by coworkers if she was “out to get me”. This all being her way of creating friction, because if I said yes, she could have me fired for INSUBORDINATION!

I did not eat right. I threw up almost every day on my way home from work. I cried all the time. I was developing an ulcer. My kids were affected. My relationship with my husband was being affected. My self esteem was being affected. All because of one woman, who was afraid of something that she had no right to be afraid of? She thought I wanted her job. I DID NOT!

A mother bear will defend her cubs with every ounce of her strength and I am a mother bear. But I had no strength to fight this woman. I had seriously LOVED this woman and for her to be treating me the way she was did not make sense to me. What had I done? I was just being me.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was the day she screamed and yelled at me and told me that my coworkers were afraid of me. She had her spies! This one bitch Diane, who if I farted in the wrong direction, would go and tell Sue, told her that I informed everyone at lunch that if I didn’t attend a staff meeting I would be fired. This was the truth (there is a whole other story that goes along with this one but it was practically beaten out of me) And now, Sue claimed that I was saying that in front of my coworkers so that they would hate her. She was calling human resources to find out how long it would take for them to have me clear out my desk. I would not be allowed to speak with anyone! If I talked to anyone it would be considered retaliation and I would be FIRED!

I was even more upset then, was I fired, was I not? Then it hit me. She had nothing on me and she just wanted me OUT!

I called the employee assistance team and filed a harassment suit. This was investigated, but in the meantime I was interviewing for this job I have now.

I had someone on my side. Well in fact I had 6 people on my side. 6 wonderful women who were watching what was happening and could not sit back and let it happen. They worked together to get me another job. Between the interviews and the references and the great husband who worked for a company that was hiring, I got out.

I spent 7 months of shear hell. I was sick and I was beaten. I was not in a good place. I blame Sue for this. I blame her for the hell my children went through too. I blame her because it was solely her fault.

I am in the process of forgiving. I realize now that it was her personal life as well as her work life she felt slipping from her hands. She saw me as a threat when all I was doing was taking a load off her shoulders during a time she should be focusing on home.

See her husband was very sick. Both mentally and physically, she worried about him. She needed to put him in a home and she had her car stolen and her house broken into during this time. Because of her sick husband. Her daughter was going through testing for diseases they were sure she had.

The big boss said to me…”she is like someone with an eating disorder, when life around them becomes too unbearable, the one thing that they can control is food. Sue is like that eating disorder but instead she is taking over control to the extreme at work because it is the one place that she feels she can control.” The only problem was she had lost control instead.

I have forgiven her for the most part. There is some healing still that needs to take place.

I still love this woman and without a doubt in my mind if situation circumstances were different, I could be her friend.

It won’t happen, I am sorry to say that, but at least I know that right now. I am almost to the point that I would be able to see her in public if I were invited somewhere that she would be but that is an almost for sure.

Forgiveness for me comes really easy most of the time. I do need to fully forgive and I am getting there…but that is my story!

Day #3...he's got me by the knee.

2010-10-21T06:00:00.000-04:00

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

This is something that I have a really hard time discussing.

I had to think about the different things that I have done on in my life and what I need to forgive myself for. However, I am not one to flagellate myself, so the more I think about things the more none of it bothers me.

You have no idea how long it took me to come up with this but I did.

Years ago, I went away to college. Within the first few weeks of being away, I filled out a college student application for a credit card. In case you did not know it, once you get a credit card, you can get many credit cards. There is no limit to the amount of credit cards you can get and I had just about all of them. I spent far too much beyond my means and spent so far the rest of my life making up for it.

I need to forgive myself for being ignorant.

Credit scores mean the world. If you don’t have a good one, you don’t get a good mortgage rate. If you don’t have a good credit score you don’t get loans when you need them.

Robbing Peter to pay Paul has been how I spent a good portion of my adult life. I am very much still in debt from my college years and I graduated 20 years ago.

I need to forgive myself because I do still regret the mistakes I made. I am still constantly reminded when the student loan bill comes due YEARS after it should have been paid off. I need to forgive myself when the phone rings because I am late on a payment because another one came up from the past.

Ugh, I will forgive myself eventually but now I have it on my mind and my stomach is wrenching.

The next post is going to be the hardest and I will need to forgive someone but it doesn’t mean I will forget.

Day #2...he's got me by the shoe

2010-10-20T06:00:00.000-04:00

I am supposed to write what I love about myself today. The more and more I thought about this the more and more I came up with. The more and more I came up with, the more and more I shot holes into. But one thing came up over and over…the one thing about myself that I love is my family.

In case you could not by this point in time realize by reading this blog, I love my family. There are some crackpots, but what family doesn’t have those. I love the “sense” of family that we all have and I have been able to pass down to my children.

I love my mom. She drives me absolutely crazy. Being the only girl is hard with no one else to bitch to, but I have learned a long time ago it goes through phases and right now is a phase I need to stay away from. But without any doubt, I love my mom and would do anything for her.

I love my brothers. All 7 of them in their own ways but I do love them. #3 pisses me the effoff, but that in itself is pretty evident regularly around here.

I love my husband. My husband and I have been together in one way or another for the last 26 years. For a long time we were friends, then lovers, then best friends and now husband and wife. We are a mixture of all of those other things and the best of each other at the same time. He brings out the best and the worst in me and vice a versa.

I love my children. I could not wait until I got pregnant with Jelly. I cherished every day with him when he was a baby and for that I cherish him more now that he is almost a grown man.

I tried hard to have Peanut, okay not that hard. As soon as we stopped trying, BOOM there he was. He made me the sickest and was my biggest and my clumsiest and my cutest all at the same time. He drives me to Clairol but I truly do not know what I would do without him in my life.

Butter, well let’s just say “I am so glad that this surprise entered my life”. He is my baby. I used to push him down when he tried to walk just because I knew he was my last and I wanted the baby for a little longer. I may have cause irreversible damage to my husband’s self-esteem as a result. But I love him.

I love my SILs and past SILs. I love my family.

If it were not for my family I would not be the person that I am today.

Day number one, we've only just begun...

2010-10-19T06:00:00.000-04:00

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

I decided to do these 30 posts and then I get stumped on the first one.

What do I hate about myself? I can’t honestly use the word hate. This is something that I reserve for the strongest of all emotions and I have learned that to hate something is far too time consuming for me.

So let me tell you some things that I really don’t like about myself.

I don’t like the fact that I am build like a football player even though I am a woman. I am built like my 7 brothers, except they don’t have Double D breasts. I have always thought that the reason my breasts are so big is because I got all the breasts for the 8 of us and didn’t have to share. I guess I should feel lucky since they all had to share on the length of the dingle berry between 7 of them.

I don’t like the fact that I am financially embarrassed. It seems like the more I dig myself out of the hole, the farther in the sides come, making the hole not only deeper but wider as well. I have not been living outside my means. Believe me, I have just had some humdingers of some bills come up lately.

I don’t like the fact that I am starting to doubt people. I have always trusted just about everyone that I have ever met and now a days it seems like even people I thought were some of my closest friends are trying to manipulate me. This is something that no matter how hard I try and get over it keeps coming back.

I don’t like my extra layer of belly fat. I have gained and lost weight and now have an entire third flap of skin that hangs over the mid section. I am constantly told by others that that is normal with the size of my children but these are people with the same belly flab. I never hear it from the people who are much smaller than me.

I don’t like the fact that I cannot follow directions. I have a feeling that this was only supposed to be one thing and I have already hit 5. So on that note…

And last but not least, I do not like free range chickens. This is an issue that I have tried to overcome but it just can’t be.

30 Days of Truth

2010-10-18T11:47:00.000-04:00

Starting tomorrow, here’s what I am going to be doing…

I got this from here who got it from here and since I will be traveling at times during the next 30 days I thought it might be a great way to fulfill my promises.

For the next 30 posts, I will be writing the TRUTH about myself. Here’s a preview of the writing topics:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Saturday night excitement at my house...

2010-10-16T20:52:00.000-04:00

I am sitting here at the computer on a Saturday night. In my time zone it is just after 8:30 at night. A few years ago I would have been dying to get out and do something. Heck, even a few months ago I would have been itching to do something, but tonight I am just happy reading up on my bloggy friends.

In the back ground the family has Scooby Doo playing and it is an odd one. I don't know when this one came out but Fred has black hair.

Any way, there is a strange noise coming from the other side of the recliner and I stand up to see what it was...this is what I was greeted to.

I think they would kill me if they knew i just posted these...good thing no one knows I have a blog!

The color of GREEN

2010-10-14T12:27:00.002-04:00

There are many times in my life where these random things happen and drama follows me. It is at these times in my life where one common element is apparent. As recent as the just the past few weeks, this element has popped up once again. This element has a color. It comes in all sorts of shades but is still there. Maybe it is light, maybe it is hued with yellows or blues, and sometimes the element is as dark as dark can be.

This element is jealousy.

The color, as most people know it, is GREEN.

It is such a beautiful color when worn in velvet at a Christmas party. It can be soothing when painted in a baby’s nursery. It can even be vibrant, like my favorite day, when the spring buds all bloom their life as leaves. Let’s face it, when used properly it can save you a whole bunch of green as well.

But as jealousy it is a horrible, despicable, putrid color.

I have, for the most part, attempted to remove it from my feelings. I could go on for days about things that used to cause me to be “green” but today I just want to spew in my bubble about how others “green” episodes have caused me to not want to be around people.

I am a VERY sociable person. For me to say I don’t want to go out, you have to know that this is something that has seriously affected my well being.

When down on the Vineyard, my mother was extremely jealous of me. Not only jealous of me, but jealous of the attention that I was giving my aunt. I know this was the reasoning behind all of the nasty hateful things that have been said.

One of my tenants recently told me that she was moving out. The reason was absolutely the stupidest I have ever heard. Her sister was jealous of her roommate. WHAT!?! You can’t have a roommate because your sister is jealous of her. Who knows?

I have severed friendships over jealousy. I sometimes think that the reason I don’t have many female friends is because of jealousy. Think long and hard about what you are jealous over before you start having that “green” feeling.

As recent as last night, I had to have a talk with Butter. Being 10 years old has its challenges. There are many times that he has said he “wished that” he could have a car like so and so, or a house like so and so, or last night, a mother like so and so…

The grass is not always…greener? In fact sometimes the sewage underneath what you are looking at is too thick for you to see that underneath it is something that YOU can change too.

I can’t give my kids new houses or parents, but I can assure them that what is best for them will be the best for them. Don’t wish away your life. Don’t make people not want to be near you because of the “green monster”. Think about what you can do to make the situation different if you want it to be different.

MOTY AWARD...who me?

2010-10-12T17:17:00.000-04:00

Once again I am quietly going to accept my Mother of the Year award without any hoopla or fan fare.

What? You say you haven’t heard that I won? Well maybe you have been living under a rock. Or maybe, I misheard. Maybe it was MEAN Mother of the Year award.

Yup, I think that was what it was.

Let’s back up. I am known for telling my kids things that are not necessarily true, just to put the fear of Hades into them. (i.e. a hickey will cause a blood clot and it could break free and travel to your brain and then you could die…don’t let girls suck on your neck.) This weekend was no different.

It started out pretty simple. The older boys and dad went on a bike trip with the scouts. Butter and I were alone from Friday night until Sunday afternoon. As we all know, I have a love affair I need to maintain when my husband is out of town and this weekend was no different.

What was different was they came home earlier than I expected and I had time cut short because of a funeral on Saturday morning. Needless to say, I made them help.

I am a true believer in MOTIVATION. If you don’t have motivation than why should you complete the task at hand? I tell my boys, if you want to get paid you finish a job. If you want to go out on Friday night, then you get good grades. If you want anything that requires me to extend beyond my normal motherly duties, like provide you shelter and food, then you behave and treat me with respect.

Saturday, I spent on the kitchen. It sparkled when I was done. Sunday, I started in the living room, moving everything from the living room into the kitchen so that the hard wood could be cleaned and the registers dust free. Then they came home. After some whining and complaining that they were physically tired and needed rest, I let them rest and I compiled a plan for the following day.

Bright and early on Monday morning, I had them up and in front of the TV. 1 hour of Hoarders later…they started cleaning. Whenever they were too tired or needed a rest or a snack, back in front of the TV to watch more Hoarders. Good thing they were having a marathon to scare the bijeebers out of my kids. I especially liked the one where the doctor asked if they had had an exterminator in. When they asked why she claimed she saw the floor moving under the garbage. BLECH!

We threw away 4 HUGE bags of trash this morning. My house is lighter and cleaner. And now my boys, especially Butter, is scared to death of becoming a Hoarder.

My house is cleaned on the main floor, but the attic needs a little help.

Important Women's Health Issue

2010-10-11T09:00:00.000-04:00

Recently I received an email from a very good friend...
I believe in paying it forward.

Please be sure you read carefully as this is important health information.

* Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
* Do you suffer from shyness?
* Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
* Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:

- Dizziness
- Nausea
- Vomiting
- Incarceration
- Erotic lustfulness
- Loss of motor control
- Loss of clothing
- Loss of money
- Loss of virginity
- Table dancing
- Headache
- Dehydration
- Dry mouth
- And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNINGS:

* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.

* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Please share this with other women who may need Margaritas.

Scraping nickels together...

2010-10-08T11:27:00.003-04:00

There are times of the year that I like more than others. Then there are times of the year that I hate more than others. I despise September.

During the month of September things start going horribly wrong in my house. The reason is MONEY!

Last week I returned bottles and cans in order to do my grocery shopping. Do you know how much that bothers me? But let me tell you why it bothers me more than anything.

We have tried very hard to teach our boys that life is not just handed to them. Things are not delivered to you on a silver platter. Things cost money and we only have so much.

Every September, my kids seem to forget that and the worst culprit this year is Peanut.

Do you have kids? Do you get inundated every September with at least 2, more often than not more, fundraisers that your kids NEED to participate in? Peanut is on his 4th and it is only October 7th. WE NEED to buy it all!

“I won’t be able to go on the end of the year field trip if you don’t buy the tickets.”

“I won’t be able to have a year book if you don’t buy the cards.”

“I won’t be able to do ANYTHING with my friends if you don’t stand on your head and spit wooden nickels.”

That’s where I am right now. I went on a vacation that cost me almost nothing and came back to the realization that it was a good thing that I didn’t have money to spend. Because now, I have even less.

Peanut is taking a class trip to Washington DC in a few weeks and the remaining balance came due last week.

I went back through my checkbook and bank statements and all the little pieces of paper that I have saved because they would be good for his scrapbook and realized that “WTF MAN” I paid for this trip in the fundraising from all last year and they wanted a check for $538.00 MORE!. Peanut only got credit for $87 of the fundraising that he did last year.

Even though, right off the top, I bought $30 of cookie dough, paid $36 for a spaghetti supper, and bought at least $30 worth of books.

I am officially OFF the fundraising bandwagon.

I am not asking my friends or family to order anything.

I am behind on my bills thanks to that extra $538.

This kid better appreciate the sacrifices I am making for him or he will be going to DC by way of the MOON.

Friends...

2010-10-07T15:31:00.001-04:00

This past week I have been thinking a lot about friends. Friends and what drives someone away from said friend and what keeps a friendship strong.

I have a friend that I have had for many, many years. I remember putting on big purple crayon eye liner with this friend. We even had matching blushes. Years later, I don’t wear makeup but she still does.

I remember being pretty drunk one night at the bowling alley and having her and Peggy bring me to Peggy’s house so I didn’t get in trouble. I was the driver that night. Moe needed to call her dad to pick her up because I was too drunk to bring her home and Peggy didn’t have a license yet.

I remember her dad NEVER said anything to me.

I was the maid of honor at Moe’s wedding and because she was 8 months pregnant and refused to be the maid of honor, she was a bride’s maid at my wedding.

I am the godmother of her oldest girl. She is the godmother of my oldest son.

We can go months and months without speaking to each other…and then there is just something that makes you call.

I called Tuesday night because something just was not right. I called her cell and she answered with tears. “How did you know?”

The thing was, I didn’t. I just knew somehow I had to call.

Her dad only had a few more hours. I cried, just like I am crying now while right now. I didn’t know.

She knew though, God Bless that woman.

Her dad died yesterday. 4 years to the day that we buried mine.

She would not call me because she thought that it would be too hard for me to sit with her in hospice.

I love this woman more than some of my family members.

Remember as you go through life, jealousy and hatred are both horrible things to harbor.

Some people are there for you forever!

Dreamin...

2010-10-06T09:00:00.001-04:00

Every once in a while I have these dreams. Most of the time they are very vivid and I remember everything. Sometimes it is just bits and pieces of the dream that I remember but those are the ones that are disturbing enough that I wake up from. And then there are these dreams that I have that have loved ones in them that give me confidence to do things that I am not really sure that I can. 99% of the time it is relation to something that I had read earlier that day…or that I saw earlier that week, or something that has been said at one time within the last month.

I have been having those dreams lately.

Monday night I dreamed that I ran a 5K. Yes, a 5K.

Do I think I could do it? The answer to that question is yes.

Do I think that I want to do it? The answer to that question is out to jury.

My brother was in a triathlon with some of our cousins last week. Then in memory of his wife, portions of the family gathered for the cancer walk.

My good friend told me that she is going to try to do a new program that promises that you will get off your couch today and be running a 5K in a month. She was going to try it.

I have been working out and trying hard to get some sort of exercise every day.

In my dream, a very beautiful woman (inside and out) was in the snack station after the race (it was my dream and yes they had a snack station) and I found out that she had come to cheer me on, from miles and miles away. I was so excited that I ran and hugged her. I snapped something I hugged her so hard. She was hurt. She was hurt really bad and it was entirely my fault. She was not able to walk after I hugged her.

Then I started thinking about why I hurt those that I love.

Then I woke up.

My dreams suck sometimes.

The trip is over and now i am back...

2010-10-05T14:54:00.000-04:00

I know, I know…whip me and whip me hard. I have not been living up to my promises to post more often. 99.9% of the fault lies on me. I took a vacation. A vacation with my mom and aunt and three of my cousins. A vacation without any children or a husband. A vacation without any back up for me at the office.

So when I came back to work, I had all of last week’s work to do and the week before’s work as well. But now I am caught up. Head on straight? Doubtful, but caught up.

I will start this post with a little disclaimer. I am a bitch of sorts lately and if the only thing you get out of this post is my bitching, then I apologize.

My week on Martha’s Vineyard was ever so delightful. The weather was beach weather every day and the majority of the company was very pleasant.

On Sunday we went to the beach in Menemsha. If you have never been there, I am sorry. It is absolutely beautiful. I forgot my camera that day so there are no current pictures. Recently there was a big fire at the Coast Guard Station there…so I am sure if you want to know a little more about it you can search online. I only have some from last year so I am not going to post them.

On Monday, Igor came up the coast and was pulling the most amazing waves you have ever seen.

See the picture up above? Yeah, that is all you are getting out of that beach trip because I was having an electronic breakdown. My phone would not work, my emails would not go through and then the camera would take the picture and save a big black screen. Yup, not good at all.

Let me back up here just a second and tell you about the clan that I went with. My aunt is 82 (my mother’s sister). She does not look like it nor does she act like it but she does however walk like it. She has had back surgery and knee surgery and walks with a cane. She gets along well but walking through the sand is a little bit of an issue. My Cousin MO (my mother’s third brother’s daughter) is 62. She has had back surgery and has broken her ankle in two places within the last couple of years. She also walks with a cane and has problems in the sand. My mother is 72. She walks fine; she needs no cane but bitches about just about everything lately.

{the picture test once i got my camera back up and running.}

We went to a “new” to us beach called Lucy Vincent Beach. It was beautiful, but difficult to get down the long pathway to the beach. Once we were there and I started having problems electronically and the wind was whipping sand in my ears and I listened to my mother bitch about the sand in her sandwich…I packed them all up and took them to another beach. At this point I was doing a little better electronically and was able to snap some pics. The most amazing pictures can be taken on Martha’s Vineyard.

this is the bingo hall...i took the pictures to show the kids that decorations. My kids are all war buffs.

MB here...she is always smiling.

Monday night we went and played Bingo (not in the least one of my favorite games) with my cousins C and MB (my mom’s oldest brother’s daughters) and I got the best prize of the night. My period! Whoever syncs my monthly schedules to the time that I am going away on vacation should be SHOT! My mom won some money so she was happy for a little while.

Tuesday was another amazing beach day. This time we went to a place called Stonewall Beach. Another absolutely gorgeous beach that was “new” to us. Here are some pics from there.

check out the little birdies...eating up the stuff from the surf.

Right about here is one of the times my mom told me that I had messed up memories and should just shut up before i say anything else stupid. SPORK!

This is my fourth trip to the Vineyard and I got a little sick of the “routine” so I broke the little bitties out of their rut. We went to new beaches, we took walks in different locations, I changed their shopping day and I did not let anyone spoil my plans, simply because this was my vacation.

I love walking through the campground. A very little history…and I mean little…when the campground was established years and years ago it was all tents and then a man came up with an idea to bring over a house that you could build from a kit. The idea spread and now the houses are all gingerbread houses and you could color and paint them any way you wanted to show your personal taste.

I also love the area in Edgartown. This is the view of where we ate our lunch.

On Friday it was a little cloudy so we did some other site seeing and my cousin C bought us all lobster for lunch. Friday night MB and C snuck across the street to a festival and called me up to sneak over too. It was the Songwriters Festival and it was a lot of fun. It was on the roof top of the hotel across the street.

Aquinna light

the cliffs at Aquinna

My mom before i really wanted to push her off the cliffs at Aquinna

Yummy Lobster!

The motley crew...l2r mom, MB, C, Aunt, Me, MO

See the guys back there picking his drink up off the deck? Yup him...with the butt. He was awarded a HUGE honor at this ceremony for writing "Run to You"...the song Lady Antebellum is on the radio right now with.

Bose put this on and boy did it show. Very well done.

See our little place there.

And then it was on the ferry to come home the next day.

I could go into so much more detail but you don’t want to hear it. Just know this…I was searching EVERYWHERE for a SPORK!

Last day on the vineyard

2010-10-05T12:16:00.000-04:00

Before I go into the whole vacation...check out the post I attempted from my phone the last day of my vacation...

today is my last full day of my vacation. i am so ready to come home. i am witing this blogpost from my phone because my bubble is about to explode. the only problem is that the teacher in me is freaking out because i cannot capitolize any letters.

my mother has officially pissed me off. i am really tired of heaaring how i suck as a mother and how much of a bullshitter i am. my memories are all full of crap and what do i know.

well, there are only a few more hours to deal with this, so iguess i can suck it up for a few.

Start of my vacation...12 noon tomorrow.

2010-09-17T11:42:00.001-04:00

I cannot tell you how happy I am that it is Friday.

Tomorrow noon, I board a ferry to Martha’s Vineyard. Where I will be for an entire week without my husband, without my kids, without the internet to post my experiences there, but I will survive.

I have already started to feel the stress release from my body.

This morning I woke up and took my shower and realized that I was WAY TOO pissed at my brother yesterday. I suppose it had something to do with the fact that the response that I received from him was that it was all my mother’s fault.

Sometime-insert shaking head here-I wonder if in fact there were two separate families growing up. The odds really have a weird way of blaming my parents…who by the way were great parents…for every screw up that they have had. I think I may have mentioned #5’s idea that my father could not be trusted. If not…I will have to tell you about that at another time, when I am not so relaxed.

I spent 3 extra hours at work last night so that I could leave early today.

Back to my trip…

I am going on my trip with my aunt (82), my mother (72), my cousin (69), my other cousin (62), my other cousin (58) and me (42).

Girls week.

My dad used to go and called it the week of “tons of fun”.

Four years later, they still laugh about the fun times they had with my dad…and now the fun they have with me.

I bitch and complain about my mom a lot and the fact that she has become a complete pain lately with the demands and the tears, but I look forward to this week every year for the last 4 years.

I promise to have pictures, and if I can figure out how to upload them during the week from my phone, I will.

Enjoy your week everyone! See you the end of September.

#3 Strikes again and this time I want to strike him

2010-09-16T15:30:00.000-04:00

Happy Thursday to all of you! Again the week has progressed to be pretty crazy. Remember my post the other day about being a mean mom? Well, we got the call yesterday afternoon that the sprain of the ankle was in fact, fractured.

Surprise! This is not the first time this has happened to me. Peanut walked on a broken foot at the age of 4 for 2 days before they called and told me that the radiologist read the x-ray and found it to be broken. The following year he broke his ankle and it took two weeks and three different x-rays and one hell of an irritated mother before they found the fracture. –tidbit, a 5 year old does not baby a foot or leg for more than a few hours if it not broken.

But back to the meanest mother comment, I posted yesterday that “my week for phone calls”…blah, blah, radiologist…fracture…whatever.

Speaking to my friend later in the day she mentioned that my MF, #3 brother was commenting on my Facebook post and kept deleting it. She said it happened at least twice. She also said that there was something about my parenting skills and the self esteem of my children but she couldn’t remember what it was because as soon as he posted it, he deleted it.

Did you know that when you post something on somebody’s comment, they get notified…even if you delete it? Were you aware that even if you think that the person does not know, they know?

Well, I have to post what he wrote on my blog and then SPEW my comments back at you.

#3 wrote:

"Let me be the one to warn you of such actions and the result it will have... Calling your child a "Clutz" or referring to him as "Accident Prone" will have... Never mind... He will adapt. He may isolate himself and not want to be part of but... Either way he ultimately know how you feel and it will be affirmed later in life when you, or some one else, brings up the topic again and again and again."

And then there was this one…

#3 wrote:

"You may have fun on his expense now but later on when it seems he just doesnt care about others concerns or even considers others opinions... He was programmed early."

Alright, now let me back up here just a second and explain something to those of you who are new to the bubble. #3 is a total –beep,beep,beep-seriously though I can not even express in words how I honestly feel about him. Maybe if you go back and read the multiple posts I have written about him you will understand a little better.

And please if you are a member of the AA or any other 12 step program and are reading this, please do not take offense.

#3 put drugs and alcohol in front of his 5 children. He let his third leg do the thinking when it came time for him to be the parent. He had an affair on his wife when she was pregnant with his 5th child with a drug addict that he was bringing back in forth to the hospital for treatment of AIDS. He moved 12 states away from his children and could care less about the financial responsibility needed. He ignored the cries for help that his children all had during their lives, causing one of them to attempt suicide and another to emancipate herself at the age of 14. He has two children that do not want to have anything to do with him and, and, and, and,

And he is telling ME…this humbo, jumbo, horsecrap that they dish out during his meetings…how to raise my children?

HE is telling ME that I have “programmed” my children.

I could not be more pissed. I sent him an email. I was not nice. I told him pretty plain and simple to stay off of my wall and out of my life.

I have no sympathy for someone who should be continuously reminded of the Eff up that they have become. You are right we are not a family of niceties. You are right again, we will tell you that you screwed up and we will continuously remind you of it. I don’t give a rat’s arse who the heck you think you are but you are no way shape and form a role model for me or anyone that should be telling me how to raise my children.

Side note to just my readers...Just in case, I didn’t tell you, I am on vacation next week. I am going to Martha’s Vineyard with the women. I think I need this vacation away from EVERYONE!

Dude, where is your class?

2010-09-15T11:53:00.001-04:00

Dude, about 4 years ago my son came home from school and proceeded to call me that for the next three hours. After that, out of fear of pooping molars, he stopped.

Dude, then just about 6 months went by and they hired a new girl at work. Dude, this girl was pretty cool. She was much younger than the rest of them but we found out very soon that would not be a problem. Dude, as her admin, she came in three times or so and called me Dude and that was when I snapped. Not like, go postal on her buttocks and pull her hair out, just simply with the death stare that all mothers have and the teeth rearing, “last I checked I was not a dude” and then never again did she call me “dude”

Dude, I cannot stand the word Dude. It is like fingernails on a chalk board and knuckle cracking.

Dude, my 30something year old brother (#7) has a problem. He can’t stop saying it and then on top of that he has his two kids saying it too.

His 4 year old calls everyone Dude. They think is funny to call me “Auntie Dude”. I wonder how funny it will be when they need to call the plumber to remove his “dude” from the toilet.

Anydude, that is not the main question. My question is pretty simple. Whose funky farm were you brought up on and do you actually brush your teeth or use the plunger? Cause let me tell you “DUDE, you talk like crap and it is disgusting to boot.”

Recently, my boys did some work for #7 and when they returned home they did not think that #7 was cool at all. In fact the topic of conversation between the two was how inappropriate #7 was. They do not think that it is cool to point out every woman’s butt cheeks nor the size of her top. My boys were mortified that their 8 year old cousin was cat calling women and calling them hot mama’s as they walked by. My boys were horrified that their 4 year old cousin was calling their mother a Sexy Mama and Dude.

And they came home saying Dude.

So let me sum it up for you!

Grow the F Up DUDE! You are a father to two very impressionable minds. Stop talking like a truck driver…oh wait, my husband is a truck driver and does not talk that way…Sewer worker and show some respect.

If you don’t show respect to your wife and other women now, your boys will never ever respect them and that is not the way you were brought up.

And let the record show-I AM NOT AN EFFING DUDE!

Meany, Meany, yup thats me

2010-09-14T11:26:00.002-04:00

Alright, I will be the first to admit that I am a HORRIBLE, MEAN mother. Yup, I don’t baby my babies and I make them do slave labor for their lunch money. I have even been known to strap my kids to a chair while I was busy doing something. All that being said, I was called a mean mother yesterday and you know what…I asked the girl who called me that if she in fact was not getting to be just like me and she said yes.

Here is the situation. I received a call yesterday afternoon. The call was from Jelly’s school nurse. If you are new to the bubble you may not know Jelly broke his hand last year.

He punched a wall and broke his freakin’ hand…typical male.

So when the call came in yesterday, I shuttered. WTF now! Seriously? He was out on the soccer field and fell down on his ankle and he and the kid next to him heard the crack and crunch. Now Jelly can not apply any weight on the ankle or he screams with pain.

After hearing this, my question was, I thought justified, “Did you call his father?”

Holy crap, did I get shit from the nurse. “No, you are the mother and we thought that you would want to come and get him. This ankle needs to be checked out.” Okay, bite the tongue and put on my best phone smile and simply tell the nurse. “Dad works less than 15 minutes from the school and is out of work by now and I am 1 hour away. I will come and get him if you cannot reach his dad but please call Dad first.”

At which point the nurse told me that I would need to call Dad and if I could not get a hold of him I would need to come…but he needed to be picked up. Smile, grin, grit, pain, call dad, get voice mail, tell boss I got to leave early, get in car and hit the Pike.

I called my friend, who said “why didn’t they call Dad?” Oh boy that set me off.

I told her that to top off the conversation with the nurse at the school, the conversation with the doctor’s office was that much more fun.

It was currently 1:45 ish and they could see Jelly at 6:10 pm. Wait, I could go and pay a $75 copay at the ER, if I thought that it was that bad.

Well, I told my friend that nothing was that bad. Jelly would have to suck it up and wait until 6:10 because there was no way I was spending the time in the ER. I HATE the ER! This was the first time I was called mean that day.

I went to the school to get him. It was barely swollen and the secretary helped Jelly out to the car. She was all concerned about him but since there was no swelling and I needed to know how bad it really was, I told him to get out of the wheelchair and get in the car without help. Ms. C’s face fell to the ground and when he was in the car…mind you without incident…she said “Wow, that was mean, I was willing to help him in the car.”

I just smiled and tilted my head to the side and said…”it isn’t really that bad, he is a 17 year old boy who doesn’t need to be babied.” Then off to home I went.

Fast forward to the fact that I would not make him hot dogs for a snack nor would I make his ice tea. Butter came home from school and I made him play slave to his brother {who, BTW, had no problem getting around}.

While waiting for the x-rays I told the technician that Jelly assured me he was not pregnant. This is when Jelly told me I was mean.

Later when I was home he wanted me to change my Facebook status…so I did to “Butthead of a kid tells me to change my status because his entire life is on Facebook. So I am changing my status to 17 Year Old Klutzes should be more careful if they don't want their life displayed.”

That is when Peanut, who was wetting his pants laughing, told me I was mean.

So, if you want sympathy from me…it aint happenin! I am mean!

Random spewing of my brain

2010-09-13T12:00:00.002-04:00

There are 101 things that are going through my head lately and I am trying hard to settle them down and it just aint happnin.

So I thought that I would give you a real quick rundown of the last few and maybe I will feel better.

I came home three weeks ago from our little family vacation and I am just catching up on the crapola at work. I need some help here and soon, it is in the budget for the next year but seriously folks? I am one person doing the job of 6 across the hall and 7 upstairs. I have generated over 1.3 million in new and renewing revenue and I am drowning.

We spent 1 more week after vacation at the camp and then it was home for school to start. My baby, as I mentioned before, started middle school at the age of 9. As nervous as I was, I am starting to think this was the best move ever! He is out of the house with Peanut at 7:15 am and I am right behind them. This is making it easier for me to get to work at a normal time and then home again at a normal time. {this is totally provided that you are not trying to catch up from a vacation}. Peanut has become the most amazing kid.

I may have mentioned that he was great during the vacation and the attitude was very limited. Since school has started the episodes are still to a minimum. I believe a lot has to do with Football season and a AWESOME revelation from the school.

Peanut has been placed in all honors classes and he is so proud of himself. Without needing to say anything at all, he is doing his homework.

There are still a few episodes with Dad lately, but that is partly because Dad is being a prick. Oops, did I say that out loud. Really, I think that I did. I read other peoples blogs and hear how awesome their hubbies are and how they could not live without him and how he does these wonderful things without being asked. 90% of the time, I might even believe them.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, Dad is great. I love him dearly and would not want to live without him…BUT…when he is being a prick, he is a prick. Lately, he hates his job and is taking the crap home and being a prick. He yells at the kids for the slightest thing and he and Peanut, who are WAY TO MUCH ALIKE, get going there is nothing to be said then, they are both being pricks.

Jelly is just a few weeks away from having his license. This excites me a little but scares me half to death. The best is that I have only given him limited lessons with the stick shift, so it will be dad’s car that he drives more often than not. That makes me happy but scared as well. Remember a few moments ago I said something…well, when it comes to the car, Dad can be a prick.

I had a rough time on Friday with my mom and when I went to apologize for ~~making up an excuse to get her off the phone~~ getting her upset…she started all over again. And then I was trapped. In real life, within a few feet and desperately needing an out. So I dropped Butter in her lap and then ran like crazy out the door.

Driving away I realized that I have less than a week to straighten out my shit. I leave on vacation, with her and the cousins and aunt, next Saturday. We are going to Martha’s Vineyard for an entire week. Does anyone have any antidepressants that I can slip into her banana without her knowing?

Butter is starting to show the true colors of being the baby of the house. Now that middle school has been added to the mix, I have insisted that he get up and get himself dressed. This includes picking out his own clothes. I still throw his breakfast in the toaster for him but refuse to take it out and this is causing a ruckus every morning. This creates a situation by the end of the day when he wants Dad to do something for him. It has resulted in a few too many screaming matches and then a bunch of tears. He is overtired and Dad is a prick. I just love coming home.

Well, I got some off my shoulders and I am about to hit the gym…so maybe tomorrow.

Sorry, just had to get it out...no need to read

2010-09-10T21:32:00.002-04:00

As I sit at home on a Friday night trying to figure out my life and the mess that I have created, I started thinking about all of the recent things that I have had going on and the lack of time to blog about it.

But tonight, after getting all of the life sucked out of me, during a 10 minute phone conversation with my mother, I started counting the many blessings that I have in my life.

Last weekend, my boys and I spent some time with some friends that we don’t always have time to spend with and one of the things we did was live bait fish. Come Monday morning, we were out of live bait and Peanut and I went to the bait shop to get more.

My mom and dad were friends with a couple that they somehow lost touch with over the years. Mickie and Tom had grandchildren dropped on their doorstep long after their kids had moved out and Mickie’s mom developed Alzheimer’s and was now their burden to handle as well. Now in their late 50’s they were taking care of an elderly woman who was in the same situation as the two children under the age of 5.

The day of my dad’s funeral, Tom stood outside the church crying uncontrollably because “he had no idea”.

It is friends like that make me cry myself. I don’t want to loose touch. I want to be able to spend time when I have that time…

But the tangent has a reason. Mickie now runs her son’s bait shop out of the old barn. So we went to see Mickie and Tom for the shiners and worms. 15-20 years later, they can work from home and still be together.

Mickie graduated with my mom from college and the big reunion, my 20th and my mom’s 50th is this year. Mickie asked me to get my mom to call her so they can go together.

The reason I called my mom. 10 minutes later and a whole bunch of tears, I needed to hang up. I was getting mad at my mom and I promised myself to eliminate the drama. I hate that my mom is drama, but since my dad died there has been nothing but. She even said it today, it has been 4 years, you would think it would be done by now. Of course she meant something completely different than me, but the point is still there.

I don’t want to be the bitter old lady. I don’t want to be the woman who cannot cook her own meal out of fear of eating alone.

I spent a week, ALL BY MYSELF, this summer. Butter spent the week with the ILs and Daddy, Jelly and Peanut were at scout camp. The loneliness never came. I will be the first to admit; I hated having to make my own coffee but didn’t hate not running out of creamer. I wasn’t the biggest fan of eating by myself but loved the fact that I could eat vegetables without the funky faces of the boys sitting with them on their plates. I very much disliked not having someone warm next to me in bed but loved that I could stretch out my legs and still not be kicked.

I am a woman who loves her alone time. I love to be able to read and not be nudged because the toothpaste got on the toilet seat and someone could not wipe it off their own arse.

I love my children and loved the time we spent together the following week but I learned that I will be okay when and if the time ever comes when I am alone.

As long as I have my blog to vent, I will be okay.

Wrap 'n it up!

2010-09-09T20:20:00.000-04:00

Another day goes by and I have finally downloaded the pictures needed to finish my story…

Here are the pictures from the first mini golf day…the second we were missing cameras and phones so we did not get any pictures.

Butter lining up...he ended up with 2 holes in one that day.

Poor Peanut had none.

Daddy ended up with 2 holes in one too.

Jelly had a hole in one too.

The kids just 'love' when i make them pose for a picture.

Especially when I get Daddy to wear the eye patch they give you. Peanut and Butter had no problem puting in on...Jelly on the other hand refused.

I have seen myself in this top in a few different pictures and I think it is time to burn it.

Here are the pictures from Sabbady Falls. This was one of the great hikes that week.

On Friday, we took scenic route 302 through New Hampshire and into Maine to the coast. We had lunch, played mini golf and then hit the downtown area.

During our trip downtown, we got there just in time for the kick off ceremonies for the Special Olympics. Having two cousins with special needs makes the boys very aware of what it takes to participate. My boys have hearts of gold and clapped through the entire ceremony. It was very touching

day three and four...

2010-09-08T13:23:00.000-04:00

As I sit here preparing to tell you about day three and four of our summer vacation, I am also thinking about the fact that my little guy starts Middle School tomorrow. He is going into the 4th grade. Everyone that hears that gets the funky squeamish face…Middle School at 4th grade? So bear with me as I rush through the next two days.

{oh the funny part about this is this was last week and now he has been in school for over a week and loving every minute of the middle school experience...but more about that later-and now on to one of yesterdays promises}
On Wednesday morning we woke up just a little later than the day before but not much. I think this day I was up and making the coffee at 6:45 am instead. While waiting for the coffee to brew, I downed a few Advil in the hopes to make my knees stop hurting. Oh yeah, and my back, oh and maybe my arse muscles as well. Tuesday’s hike down the mountain did such a number on my knees that I could barely walk the long hike to the bathroom Wednesday morning. So without needing too much convincing the others decided Wednesday would be a good day for Mini Golf.

My boys LOVE mini golf and especially, Pirates Cove Mini Golf. Our goal as a family is to hit every one of these courses over the next few years. We only have two more to go. We conquered two just on this trip.

-mini golf pictures to be seen at a later time-
After the golf session, we took a trip up to Cannon Mountain. Butter was very young when the Old Man of the Mountain fell and so he does not remember the trips we took back then. To teach him a little history and take some Not-so-tough-hiking-trails, we decided to head up in that direction.

It was a wonderful day. The weather could not have cooperated more. At one point in time, I actually pinched Peanut and Jelly to make sure that they were my children. Even they were AWESOME. The whole stress free, decide as we go, concept of this vacation was fantastic.

here we are looking up to see where the Old Man used to be.

This is the Eagle Cliffs...can you see why they call it that?

While doing one of the little hikes here at Profile Lake, Peanut needed to take a little walk on his own. This picture is him raising a fist at Daddy because he kept saying that he was taking a picture of him while he was "busy".

During the day we all decided that the trip to the beach was not what we wanted to do…so before dinner we went and paid for one more night in the mountains. Plan at that time was leave Friday morning. The family who owned the campground was some of the nicest people that we had ever met. The owner’s daughter was running the office and at the age of 16 she had had a stroke. She gave us some great ideas of where to hike with the kids that were not as GRUESOME as the one up to lonesome lake on Tuesday.

So Thursday morning, we were up and at ‘em. Donned the hiking boots once again and off to the Kancamagus Highway and one, possibly two more hikes, lunch at the lower falls and dinner with the nephews.

and the close up of those happy smiling joyous bubbling with excitement boys of mine...

i still think that Jelly needs a neck brace...every picture of his tilts to the side.

The hike up to Sabbaday Falls was absolutely breathtaking. The view of the waterfalls and the scent of nature were absolutely breathtaking. I wish it were not so sunny (ha ha ha) so that we could have taken some better pictures but if you Google “Sabbaday Falls NH” there are some more professional ones there.

-these pictures are on my camera so I will need to download them later-

Then off to the lower falls, where the boys love the river. The falls and the winter run off have created some of the best natural water slides anywhere…we stayed for hours there and hence only one hike that day.

Peanut and Butter are the most daring of my children

The water is mighty cold here. The falls are fed completely by mountain run off and never stop soooo...they stay cold. Daddy is having a hard time getting used to it himself.

Jelly finally made it over and was very content sitting on the warmer rocks.

The scenery is amazing.

if you look closely here you can see Daddy under the little water fall. They realized that they could sit and the water would go over thier head and they would still be able to breathe.

here they are trying to get Butter in...

He was not thrilled with the feeling because he is so small...but look now Peanut, Jelly and Daddy are all under the falls.

We were under the impression that my nephews lived on the other side of the Kanc and instead they were on the other side of the National Park. We went to visit and that is a post for a whole other day. #3 has really done it this time….

#3J just turned 21. Here he is showing off his baseball that he won along with $1000 for being the best Subway sandwich maker at a work contest.

Mount Washington is right outside their kitchen door and this is the view from their porch.

Since we had never been to the presidential range before, this was a great trip for us. A little too much going for everyone and Butter even fell asleep on the way back down the mountains on the other side.

Just because!

2010-09-07T10:57:00.002-04:00

Today is Tuesday, the first Tuesday of September, as a matter of fact and on my way into work I realized that the year 2010 is flying by and I have yet to get my act together. I have wanted to have so much more accomplished by this week but have realized that organization has not been my forte as of late. Okay, as of late is pushing it just a little, I should have said…in the past three years.

So, I am making a promise to you. I will finish my vacation stories by the end of this week (I have them all written but have not downloaded pictures). I will get back to the whole purpose of this blog and at the same time, now that I have internet at home, I will try and post more often.

I am also going to make a promise to myself. NEW ATTITUDE! I have worked hard over the last few years to let the SUCKERS OF LIFE go. You know who I mean. Those people, who no matter how happy and upbeat you are, always find a way to twist what you mean or say and become nasty. Or those people that you greet with a smile and say, “how are you?” tell you how miserable their life is (and you are stuck listening to it). Or how about those people who whine and complain about something that you may be able to control and when you try and do something about it, all of a sudden have something else to do…?

I have started this NEW ATTITUDE a few weeks back. I have not gone out of my way to welcome and invite and have left it up to others…if you want to spend time with me, you can make the effort too. I have been spending more time with my family, who I realize may not be in the dynamics that they are right now for very much longer.

This past weekend was one of the best weekends ever. I had plans going into Friday and then...lo and behold…those plans all came crashing down. So since it was just the boys and I, we “wonged it”. This was Butters quote all weekend long.

Friday night to celebrate the boys all being back in school (and my lack of desire to cook dinner), I took the three boys to Chinese food. The food was great but the service lacked. I did something that I have never done before…I left only a 10% tip. We were seated and rushed to give our order and then left with no one coming by the table after that. We were given our food and had to fight to get the waiter to give us our check. What should have been 45 minutes total trip took almost 1 ½ hours. We asked for water and never got it. I said to the boys that I wasn’t happy about the service and since no one would come over to our table, there was no other way to complain.

The honey was supposed to work all weekend long and was not coming home on Saturday night, so the boys and I packed our stuff for a weekend at the camp and off we went. Butter would ask, what are we going to do now, and I would say we were going to “wing it” hence the weekend was “wonged”.

We met some friends on Saturday afternoon for tubing on the lake. That is me and Butter in the picture above. This was planned 1 hour before we left and it was the greatest impromptu trip. The boys went boating and fishing on a lake 8 times the size of our pond and loved every minute of it.

On the trip home we stopped and did our grocery shopping. The next morning we shipped off Butter to the Woodstock fair and had friends over for fishing. Live bait fishing is the best and it was our first time this year.

Sunday, Peanut and I hit the bait shop early and we spent the day on the dock fishing again. Just us…just the family.

On the way to work this morning, I realized that this was one of the few times that I have ever spent the weekend doing exactly what I am supposed to do. Relaxing and enjoy my life. Not spending it trying to please others or make nice with people. Just relax.

I have so much to tell and so little time to do it in but the holidays are quickly approaching and so is the family fun. And as a little teaser…the family is expanding again. No marriages so to speak but babies!

Camping Away day 2

2010-08-30T10:24:00.000-04:00

Considering the fact that I have nothing better to do than sit around and tell you stories…oh wait, not the case but I just can’t help it.

Day two of our vacation started out really early. I was up at the crack of dawn, even before the sun came over the mountains. I needed to pee really badly and could not hold it any longer. When you are set up next to a river or stream and all you hear all night long is water…it makes you have to go.

So up I got and once I was up I couldn’t get back down. Neither could my husband, so at 6:15 am we were up making coffee and sitting talking about the day.

See we had been given this book by a really good friend

We looked up some good trails to hike and then it was off to wake the children.

This sounds a lot easier than it was…

We started off at the Basin…check out the view on the way there…

And hiked 2.5 miles up to Lonesome Lake. Along the way we saw all sorts of great picture spots, wildlife and even some unique bugs.

Two and half hours later we arrived at the top of the mountain at the lake and the view was breathtaking.

The Appalachian Trail members have huts that you can rent when you are hiking. This type of hut requires months advance notice and cost about $90/night. Just remember, this is not a walk in the woods but a hike to the top of a mountain.

The way down was ½ the time but harder on the knees. And when we arrived we all swam in the river. BRRRRR, it is cold there, but so much fun.

After the hike, we went to the grocery store for dinner food and back to the campground to discuss the next day. The decision over dinner was to spend another night in the mountains and head to the beach on Thursday. So we asked to spend another night, the camp site was available so the plan was made, one more day.

That night, we spent the evening hours playing a family game of pool. My hubby the pool shark lost three times to Jelly and I because Peanut kept scratching on the eight ball. Yeah for us, boo for them.

These are some more of the pictures we took on the hike UP the mountain. The trail went right along the river the whole way up...and I mean UP!

Camping Away

2010-08-24T14:48:00.000-04:00

It has been over 5 years since I have taken a full week off with my family for a vacation. The boys have been very busy with scouts the last few years, then with the start of two new jobs in between, it made it hard to take the time. But this year I decided that I would make the time.

I have been going through some tough times at work. They have let some people go and others have quit and not yet been replaced, putting just a little more strain on my time. I am salary and still working almost 50 hours a week. This is especially hard knowing that the boys are at home alone during their summer vacation. I needed this past week.

So I need to tell you about the conditions of this particular vacation and then over the next few posts I will tell you how it all turned out.

First condition…there are no time schedules. This was to be a stress free week and the boys were all informed well ahead of time, I was not being rushed and we had no clocks to worry about so if we made it later than expected or didn’t make it somewhere at all it was okay.

Second condition…there were no plans! Absolutely no plans at all. We would sit and discuss with the whole group what we wanted to do and then we would do it. If 4 out of 5 liked an idea, we would do it.

Third condition…this was a inexpensive trip that we could enjoy just by spending time with each other.

So Monday morning we backed the car…tight as could be, and hit the road. We decided to head to the mountains and off we went.

Three hours later we were looking at some of the most beautiful country that God has made. Well at least some of us…others of us were taking a nap.

Remember the no plans thing…yeah, that meant we had no reservations anywhere either. So we drove to the first campground that we found on the internet via our NEW droids (don’t know how I ever lived with out one in the past). This place was alright but not what I was looking for.

#1- port-a-toilets!

#2-a mile walk to the bathroom if you didn’t want to use the port-a- toilet

#3-outdoor showers

Then off to the second place on the internet…they had the room for two nights but we would need to move each day so it made it difficult to get settled and the MAIN reason I opted for no on this campground... BEARS! The ranger told me that there have been 8 tents ruined by bears looking for food in the last few weeks. I could not get in the car fast enough to get out of there.

Then off to the place where we have stayed in the past. This place was only $2 more a night than the other ones. Believe me, it is so worth the extra $2.

We set up tent…

and this was the view from our campsite to the right…

and to the left…

Day one…set up campsite, took trip to store to find a few necessities that I didn’t have time to get prior to the trip and dinner.

We had dinner in Littleton NH at this little diner. Great food, the kids ate like pigs. The price was right too. Full dinners for all were including salads all for $60. That included the tip. Butter had super duper huge French toast with strawberries. Peanut had eggs and homemade hash (you had to see this…it was SOOOO GOOOD!) toast, and bacon. Jelly had chicken parm with homemade sauce and the peppers even crunched they were so fresh. Dad and I had Salisbury steak with mashed and fresh vegetables. This meal was the bomb.

I will let you know a little more about the rest of the week…during the rest of the week.

Home alone...

2010-08-10T12:43:00.000-04:00

There are days that I sit and wonder where the hades did the time go. There are other days that I think is this day ever going to end. These last few days have been a mixture of both.

My family is away. Most people would be thrilled to death to have time all to themselves. Believe me, I am thrilled to not hear “Mom, mom, mom, he said, he hit, he spit, he smells, mom, mom, mom” but it can get kind of lonely there by myself…and a little freaky.

Remember this; I am in the middle of the woods with no one around to hear me scream if the boogey man were to come and snoogey me to death. I have no one to make my coffee in the morning. I have no one to have my dinner waiting for me when I get home. It can get very lonely when you are faced with all the extra inconveniences.

Then again, I am really enjoying the bed to myself. I love being able to watch whatever I want to on television (all six channels). I like being able to finish the things that I need to finish at work and not be getting called every 10 minutes asking me if I were on my way home or what time I will be there. And the best part is that I have dropped my dirty clothes in the hamper and not walking around picking up everyone else’s.

But then again the week is flying by and I am not getting everything accomplished that I had set my mind to do…I have not had the chance to wash my kitchen floor. The kids start school in three weeks and it has been so darn hot and humid that the house has not even been touched. I have to find time to get home and clean and organize before school starts or I might as well throw in the towel for the rest of the year.

I am not one for complaining so don’t take it that way…I am just sitting around pondering.

Where does the time go and will this week ever end?

Day two of things looking up!

2010-07-30T08:47:00.000-04:00

I start writing today at the very early time of 7 am. Now most of you will say that 7 is not early but with my time difference and the fact that I was up yesterday in order to catch my flight at the bright and early time of 3:30, it is really early.

Remember how I told you that I arrived on the plane to find I was in first class? This was a first for me. Things like this don't usually happen to me. The whole fiasco of the flight, that is the stuff that usually happens to me.

I arrived in Kansas City and was fortunate enough to get a taxi shuttle that left immediately after I paid. No waiting at all. I arrived at the hotel and checked in. At which point in time the very nice gentleman who checked me in handed me a brand new golden dollar (the ideal thing for the tooth fairy to give) and thanked me for being an Elite guest. What the heck did that mean. Well I found out soon enough. It meant first class customer. I get a special key that allows me the access to the concierge lounge where they serve breakfast and afternoon hors derv's(spell check sucks). Sweet. I am stationed in the hotel so that I look out my window and see the beautiful sites of Kansas City.

Most people would not think that this is a beautiful city but let me tell you. IT IS CLEAN. I walked around and there is no trash on the streets and the sidewalks are spotless. Yes, spotless.

My coworker has not been as fortunately as I but this blog is not about her so let me continue. When the beginning of the conference was over we decided to go find somewhere to eat. She had gone online before coming and printed off some things to see and do, so we walked to the Power and Light district. Only three blocks from our hotel...and the funny thing is in Massachusetts, blocks are not really blocks, here they are. We stumbled across an out door concert. With Luke Bryan. SWEET! and the best part, it was free. We grabbed some food at this really cool little restaurant and enjoyed the concert as we ate.

The picture quality sucks because i am still trying to figure out my new phone.

The restaurant had their own beer. And for six bucks you could sample them all. So we did. Not being a big beer drinker, i can tell you that they were all pretty good.

Well, i am off to find my breakfast and a good cup of coffee and then a day at the conference.

Hope your day is as good!

I am leaving on a jet plane...actually, I already left

2010-07-29T09:26:00.000-04:00

It’s been an absolutely crazy last few hours.

Let me start again.

Hey everybody, I write this from up above, I am currently on a plane somewhere over New York. I am on my way to the beautiful city of Kansas City, Missouri. I almost didn’t get to go. Thanks to the absolutely horrible, no good, terrible airline of US Airways.

Let me start at the beginning.

Wow, my second start.

Last night at the stroke of 9 pm, United called me to tell me that I was not going to make my connecting flight in Chicago and I was going to have a later flight. Okay, a little later, NO! 8 hours later. First they expected me to wait in an airport for 8 hours on a layover. What is up with that? Then I would arrive 2 hours late for the start of the conference that I am supposed to be working. Oh that would have gone over big at work. Then they kept me on hold for over 15 minutes to tell me to call US Airways, since they were who I originally booked with. US Airways kept me on hold for over 45 minutes coming back and forth to tell me that they could not do anything, I needed to call United. In the meantime, I called back United on my cell and said that I needed someone to take care of this. I needed to be in Kansas City before noon in order to get the booth set up and ready for the opening of the convention at 4. Finally after another 25 minutes, they booked me on a flight with Delta. Could someone please explain how this all works…no really. And can someone please explain to me why it is that I say I speak English and that I am traveling in the United States and still cannot ever speak to someone speakss English and in the United States.

Well, I arrived at the airport this morning, after the most enjoyable hour with my husband (there is no sarcasm in this, especially since he has been unbearable to live with for at least three weeks). Gave kisses and went to the Delta gate. Who immediately sent me to the United gate. It seems that when they made the arrangements the night before they never released the tickets. Back and forth between gates twice, yes, I said twice. The Delta woman finally decided it would be in her best interest to do the running. 20 minutes later it was straightened out and I had my boarding pass.

I haven’t exactly been in the best of moods the last few days. I don’t usually take on a stressful atmosphere or become over emotional. Even when I am PMSing, I am not ever that bad. I really wanted to cry. I think I was about 30 seconds away from a really bad melt down.

At this point, I NEEDED to pee! Oh , I don’t mean the I might have to go kind of pee, I mean the if I don’t go now I am going to wet my pants, kind of pee.

I am in the line to security behind the worse mother in the world, or whatever the hell she was, I don’t know, but she had three kids, I would say between 12-14 with her and she was letting them mess around and I was hit three times with one of their backpack. Picture this, I am already upset, I really have to pee, and now I have been hit. Now, imagine the blood pouring out of the side of my mouth as I bit right through my tongue. Not a pretty scene. Finally make it through, and shhhh, don’t tell anyone, with a large container of hand cream and hair mouse, well over the 3 ounce carry on allotment, and the biggest shhh of all, a lighter in my pocket book. Man, things are looking up.

And my plane is boarding. They are making the final boarding call for my flight. And the bathroom is right next to the gate. And it is so close, and yet I cannot go. Now I am at that ouch my bladder hurts so bad I think it might explode part. They are waiting for ME! Tell me again why I should have arrived two hours early instead of 1 hour and 45 mintues early…oh yeah, so when the airline effs up your entire flight you can still pee.

I get on the plane and see my seat, the first time I actually had a chance to see where I was sitting. The really nice Delta woman had asked me if I minded a seat near the emergency exit, but I didn’t bother with looking where I was.

So picture this…it is the first seat by the window. Yup FIRST CLASS! I have never flown first class before. I just finished a scrumptious breakfast of Raisin Bran, seedless grapes, delicious, yes I said delicious coffee, and I still have a banana and a blueberry muffin left over. I have tons of leg room and my neighbor is extremely pleasant.

This week really started out pretty bad, but it is starting to look up for me.

Bologna Sandwiches...with rotten mayonaisse

2010-07-27T09:10:00.002-04:00

A few years ago I had a very lengthy conversation with a good friend of mine. Her dad had just been diagnosed with liver cancer, just like my dad. She is in her 40’s as well and she was having a really difficult time with her family. Her dad’s wife had decided that this was not what she had signed up for so gave him his walking papers with his diagnosis and sent him to live with his daughters. Shortly after that, said wife started calling wanting certain pieces of furniture and wanted him to sign papers before he died. My friends sisters refused to take in their dad so my friend did. This was very difficult for her because up until this point in time her life had been all about HER.

I have a problem with attitudes like that and blew a slight leak in the bubble. I told her that she should be counting her blessings. She had no kids so she would be able to spend more time with her dad in the last few months. She looked at things just a “little” differently when I called her an open faced sandwich. She started giggling and realized that it was the truth.

I, however, am a closed sandwich. I am part of what I have heard called the sandwich generation. This is when you are squeezed in between your parents and your children. I truly believe after weekends like this last weekend that I am the bologna in the sandwich. Why could I not be something great like roast beef. I would take even ham but the bologna was a little too much to handle.

I am now going to start to bitch about my mother.

I realize that the next few paragraphs are sealing the last of the straw threads in my hand basket to hell, but I really have nowhere else to vent. If I bitch to my husband I will never hear the end of it.

Let me back up and tell you that I am NOT looking for a pat on the back for any of this but you need a little background to understand why I do what I do.

My mom is BROKE! My dad left her in such a horrible financial situation that she cannot seem to get out of it. If she takes money from the retirement plans my dad has she gets hit so hard by the federal government on taxes that she owes more than what she took when tax time comes.

She works as a substitute teacher during the school year but during the summer she has no extra income. She is 72 years old and should not be worrying about money at this time in her life. My dad refinanced the house just before he turned 60 so she has a mortgage on a house that she has lived in for 40 years.

I worked out a plan with her. If she would make sure she was available for my children during the summer, I would pay her $100 a week. This should have made the difference in what she was making before and not making now.

Then two weeks ago I was going to the grocery store and she came along with me. I bought her eggs and juice and a few other things. A week ago I took her along with me on a Saturday morning and at the check out she told the girl I was paying for her cart full of food. The grocery bill came to $325. My grocery bill is never above $250 so this was not planned.

On Saturday, my older boys were supposed to work at my brother’s house painting and then had been invited to a birthday party for 1 pm, on the other side of the city not far from my brothers. I dropped them off at 10 and then went out looking for a birthday present for a 14 year old girl, who was actually 12 but that is a whole other story (Facebook lies!) and on my way back to pick up the boys my cell phone rings.

“Where are you?!”

“In Millbury, why?”

“Well, I don’t know what the heck you are doing there but obviously you are not taking me grocery shopping. I hope you transferred the money you owe me into my bank account. There is no money in there and I have no food. This is just great. I need cash.”

After picking up my jaw off the floor of the car, I choked down some tears and said, I will try my best to get there by the end of the weekend with some cash for her. But WTF! Do I not have 6 other siblings that are in the area that she could call and bitch at? She would NEVER call my brothers and tell them she needed money but she has no problem bitching at me.

As nicely as I could I explained that the other part of my sandwich, my children, needed me to do things with them that day and I could not guarantee her a time when I could be there.

I had a very nice day with my boys, they enjoyed their little birthday party and stayed a little longer than the 5 o’clock end time the invite said, we left there a little after 6:30 and arrived home to my husband bitching that we had been gone all day. I just could not win.

I stopped by my mom’s house late on Sunday evening to an extremely pissed of woman. “I wish you had come earlier, I need my prescriptions filled. I am leaving tomorrow morning for three days with your cousin on a mini vacation. I wanted to talk to you about it but obviously you are too busy in your own little world that you forgot that I was here. I am not even going to discuss things with you right now just leave the money on the table.”

I put $160 cash on the table that she immediately picked up and counted, looked at me with this question in her eyes…where is the other $40? I looked at her and for the first time in a few years, grew a set of gonads (is that what you call them). “ I transferred $200 into your account yesterday and here is some extra cash, I am leaving on Thursday and will not be seeing you before then, enjoy your trip and this should get you through the next couple of weeks. If it is not enough call one of my brothers that don’t have three boys that they are raising and are making at least double what I am. I cannot be expected to carry this load all by myself. You have been taking my kids one day a week and making them do all of your yard work. They should be the ones getting paid. Enjoy your little vacation and don’t expect me to be around for any sort of shopping trip for at least a few weeks.”

I am leaving on a jet plane Thursday morning. I have a conference that I need to work at in Kansas City, MO. I am finally crossing the Mississippi River! It is only three days and it is work, but I am not going to have kids, a husband or a mother to deal with the whole time I am gone. Happy little mini vaca to me!

Wildlife stories...

2010-07-21T09:38:00.000-04:00

I have had two good night’s sleep. Really, two in a row. Last night Butter tried to crawl in with us once again but seriously folks, HE’S 9! I thought by this age he would have grown out of it. But he hasn’t and one of the reasons I think he wants to sleep with us while we are at the camp is because he hears noises that he is not used to.

Either way, I slept. No crashes down the hill and no forgetting stuff. You got it, I remembered my camera today.

I mentioned in the beginning of the summer posts that I love it down at camp. I also mentioned that I love the wildlife. I even mentioned that I hate some of the wildlife (mostly those funny noises that keep Butter at my bedside).

I need to tell you about the ones I hate first before going on to the pictures of the ones I love.

I HATE MICE! I can deal with bugs, I can deal with spiders, I don’t like the snakes and the fact that they sometimes come in but I REALLY HATE MICE. They are the dirtiest of all creatures. YICKY! *inserts shutter going through entire body*. This year we had them. I point out the fact that I said HAD. I also point out that I said HATE. I personally have put the kids of D-Con employees through college. I have mouse poison everywhere. I have bought 8 boxes and they are all gone. I have bought sticky paper traps and the ones that they crawl in and then you throw the whole thing away without seeing them. I have rid the inside of my camp of mice for at least one more summer. If the hubby tells me this fall that it is not necessary to spread poison, he will have another thing coming.

Peanut, the one I bitch about regularly, is my favorite son in the summer time. He collects all the dead mice and feeds them to the snapping turtles. Two problems solved. One the dead mouse, second the turtle stays away after that because he has just eaten a mouse full of poison.

Peanut and I butt heads regularly throughout the year. When I say butt heads, I really mean I pull my hair out screaming and yelling and he continues to do all the stupid hormonal teenage boy crap that he does. I tell you that it is an absolute dream when we are at camp. I truly believe that the reasoning behind this is that he is outside more often than not, he doesn’t have the crap to eat that he has when he can walk to the store to buy it, and he is limited to the family and not a lot of outside interference like cable, internet, and pissant friends.

Peanut and I spend A LOT of time on the doc with our poles. Remember the whole “my kid smells like fish” post the other day. Well it really isn’t as bad as his baby brother makes it out to be. But there is good reason that he does. I love to fish but I absolutely won’t touch them unless I absolutely have too. Peanut is my fishing buddy. He takes them off the hook for me. We actually have this little mom/son contest that we started in the beginning of the summer. I have this uncanny way of finding just the right spot to cast. One night I caught 5 large mouth (but kind of small) bass, a calico bass, 2 kivas (New England thing, not sure what you call them), and a pickerel. He caught NOTHING. His claim for loosing that night was that he was too busy taking my fish off the hooks that he didn’t have time to fish.

The other day we were trying something new. It is called whacky rigging. It works great and unless you really want to know, I won’t get into it. But I cast and got stuck on a branch. Peanut was already in the water trying to pick up some little fishes when I got stuck. He donned a mask and swam over to the tree. I thought he had seen a ghost he came up so fast. Screaming to Dad to “bring the net, bring the net…HOLY Crap Dad hurry up and bring the net” My husband came running and look what I had caught.

Last night we decided to do a little live bait fishing and my first cast into the water got me this.

I cherish the time I spend with Peanut. I wish we could live here all year round. Please disregard the fact that we fish in our PJs. Camp is no place for underwear.

Oh the drama...

2010-07-20T11:20:00.002-04:00

Maybe not the time or the place to start my bitching today but I am in a little bit of quandary.

If you are invited to a party that you really do not want to attend, is it okay to say “Sorry, but we have plans for the last three weekends of July and the first two of August.” When your plans are to do NOTHING?

We have been invited to the same party every year for the last five years. Three years in a row we went. Last year, I had my husband at the ER passing a kidney stone at 4:30 am the morning of the party. By the time we brought him home, I forgot all about the party and took a nap. They called me asking me where I was. Where were my kids? How come I wasn’t there yet? And then for over two months the woman would not talk to me because I didn’t make it to her party.

The kicker is…we are not talked to when we go. I have been out with this husband and wife to NYC and cards and fun stuff like that. I have enjoyed spending time with them in the past and probably again in the future. However, when we go to this annual party, we (the whole family) are treated like the plague. Seriously, two years ago we sat for over 2 hours by ourselves. The whole family. A woman even got up and removed her child from the pool when my 7 year old jumped in. People scurried away from the food table when we went to fill our plates.

I have NEVER EVER EVER felt like that ANYWHERE!
So this year when I received the invitation, I declined. I have received three emails from this woman within the last few days asking if my plans had changed and if I was going to be able to make it.

Well, my plans have changed. I received an invitation to a 14 year olds birthday party. And I am going there because I know I will have more fun than at the other place. I did not have plans until yesterday afternoon. And now I have plans.

Am I wrong?

No pictures...I am just too tired.

2010-07-19T11:32:00.002-04:00

I know, I know, I said I was not going to be doing long drawn out wordy posts during the summer and I was going to be posting more pictures that words, but in order to do that you need to have a brain that functions.

I have been so forgetful lately and I think it is because my brain is on overload. That and the lack of sleep this past weekend have been really working its toll.

I have three boys who normally sleep within a few feet of each other during the school year that are literally sleeping on top of each other in the summer time. My oldest, Jelly is suffering from allergies and the new appliances in his mouth that are changing the way he breathes. He snores NOW. He has never snored before. For the last two weeks he has been snoring like an arriving train. Ugh! But it isn’t even him that is making me stay awake.

Peanut doesn’t like the bottom bunk any more. It is too hot on these hot days to sleep in the tiny room with no fan. It smells after a few days and even though his mom is telling him that wiping your hands on your shorts after taking the fish off the hook makes your pants smell and the rest of the dirty laundry too, he continues to do it. So he has taken up sleeping on the floor in the living room less than 2 feet away from Jelly. Who now snores.

Butter, well he is a different story. Peanut smells, did I mention that? Peanut smells and so does his dirty clothes. Peanut smells like fish and his dirty clothes smell like someone who has been wiping his fishy hands on them too. Peanut needs to learn how to use soap. Peanut has not taken the soap to wash his hands or body in a couple of days. Peanut stinks. UGH! This is what I listen to for at least a half hour every night as Butter is being told to GO TO BED! But Peanut smells. So Butter has left the little room himself and has pulled the extra mattress out and is sleeping on the floor, next to Peanut, who smells, who is less than 2 feet away from Jelly, who snores now.

Yup, the joys of camp life. But that is not the only reason I am not sleeping. It also has to do with this drug that I take up every summer. I don’t know why I cannot break the habit. I cannot understand the NEED I have every time I move to the camp for the summer. It is an addiction. Yup, an addiction, to the written word. Freaking BOOKS! I cannot put them down. I cannot seem to get enough of that freaking written word. I have read 4 books in the last three weeks. I have just started my fourth. But the last one was riveting but totally intense. More intense than anything I have ever read before in my life. It was so disturbing, yet I could not put it down. What an amazing book. It was The Kite Runner. I would read until my eyes would not stay open and then have nightmares about the freaking book for half the night.

It has been rough this past week. The temperature and the humidity have made it hard to sleep. The kids have made it hard to sleep and I know that it is taking its toll on my both physically and mentally.

Just to prove a point. I almost drove my car into the pond yesterday afternoon. I meant to just move it up a few feet to let another car pull in behind me in the driveway. The next thing I knew I crested the hill was on my way down and since the front tires were not touching anything the brakes did not engage. I started sliding, and then like an elderly driver started panicking. Luckily, I stopped within a few feet of the stone wall and was stopped by a root. I sat there shaking for a good three minutes before the intensity of the situation wore off. Then I backed up into my spot, blessed myself and moved my friend’s car up a few feet. Now picture this…I am sitting in my friend’s car, I moved it up a few feet, I come to a stop and turn off the car. I can’t get the effing key out of the ignition. It won’t move. It won’t come out. I think to myself, WTF and decide this is definitely a job for my husband to handle, I just can’t take anymore. I go to step out of the car and it moves. Then I realized, I NEVER PUT THE CAR INTO PARK…HENCE THE REASON THE KEY WONT COME OUT. I put the car in park, stepped out of the car and I proceeded to go into the house and pour myself a BIG ASS Alcoholic beverage…because seriously, if I am going to start acting like I am drunk, I might as well be.

I did not get behind the wheel of a car for the rest of the day.

I didn’t read last night; I was in bed by 9 and out cold within 15 minutes. At 11:20 pm Butter came in and traced his fingers up my arm in an attempt to wake me up. When I opened my eyes he was less than 6 inches from my face. I screamed, handled the fact that he could not sleep because Peanut smells and Jelly is snoring. I gave him an extra pillow and then could not get back to sleep until almost 2. Remember the wildlife I mentioned before…a few posts back. How some of it I like and some of it I don’t. It makes a shit load of noises at 1 o’clock in the morning.

I overslept this morning…BIG SURPRISE. Oh yeah, and I forgot to bring my camera to work to download some pictures. Eventually, I will sleep.

A little color in the garden of Oz

2010-07-09T08:40:00.000-04:00

So here we are week number 3 in the life at the pond. It has been a hot couple of days the last few days but when it is hot and you live on the water, it is almost bearable. The day school got out we moved down and I spent a few days with the boys just us.

We made trips to the house to get the things we had forgotten and I took the boys strawberry picking. My Butter loves strawberries so much that he develops a rash around his mouth from overeating them. We were having so much fun that I didn’t even realize how much we had picked. When we got to the weigh station it was 15 pounds of strawberries. Yes, 15 pounds. Since then we have been eating strawberry pancakes, strawberry shortcake and there is nothing like a few frozen strawberries in a cold ice tea to make all the difference.

The one thing that I love about the pond is the wildlife. One thing I hate about the pond is the wildlife. All the different types of birds that we have this year are amazing. So far I have seen a palm warbler, a Baltimore oriole, hummingbirds, robins, doves, blue birds like crazy, blue jays, kingfishers (these are really neat), ducks, geese (which are on the hate list), and Great Blue Herons. It is not surprising to sit on the deck and be buzzed by a bird looking to go for the flowers.

The flowers are the best. We have little gardens set up all over the place because there are so many rocks there is no room for a yard. Here is a sample of some of the little gardens we have.

This is a rusty barrell that sits deep in the ground. My husband's grandparents set this in there years ago before he was even born. As you can see, we planted some yellow lillies in it a few years back and since then they have been multiplying over and over again. The garden just in front is something that I started the first few years that we lived there and since then the hubby has taken over and planted some very interesting things. Things that I never would have thought of, but hens and chickens are spread throughout and this year they even look like they are going to flower. I have never seen hens and chickens flower before.

This little garden has a few different things in it. Begonias and Clemetis to name just two. This is a spot that was just all rocks before and the hubby dug and dug and pulled the rocks surrounding it out so that he could plant some flowers. The span pic shows you where the lattice work is and where you can imagine this little garden.

This is not a garden obviously but it does hold my mother's day gift. I have a black thumb normally but this plant is doing very well.

All sorts of rocks. Can you see why this little corner of the world is called Rocky Pond. We have planted about 12 different types of lilies and hosta. Just as these colors start to fade the cone flowers start blooming.

All of this together gets a pic like this if you are sitting in the water.

Welcome to the land of OZ!

2010-07-07T10:23:00.000-04:00

It has been a crazy couple of weeks for me and the days just keep moving. June is the month that I started doing my job to the full capacity and so this past June was very busy. Between the end of the school year and the renewal process for the groups that I worked with last year and the new groups that I am working with this year, June was very short on spare time.

Now it is July and the days are getting a little less hectic. I think that I have found a little grove in my day that I can work with.

On the last day of school every year, I move. We move exactly 6.2 miles away but it seems like 602 on most days. I go from looking out my window and seeing this…

To looking out my window and seeing this…

It is truly a little bubble that I move to.

We have no internet there. We have no cable there. We have a phone that never ever rings…doesn’t mean that you can’t call, just means that most people don’t. The phone is forwarded from my house but most people don’t bother to call my house phone anyway. I need to have it for emergency purposes so that the boys can call 9-1-1 if they need to. We have a TV with rabbit ears and one of those new digital converters, so we get like 16 channels. Impressive huh?

We have no running hot water! This is where most people shutter. We boil the water on the stove in order to do the dishes or shave. Other than that, it is a bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo and into the pond you go for your bath. I wake every morning to the sound of birds. I go to sleep every night to the sound of bullfrogs.

So going forward for the summer, I will post less words and more pictures…because who can’t stand to live without a scene like this. (picture taken from the canoe).

I am the Wizard

2010-06-21T10:35:00.000-04:00

I learned that, if I ever go looking for my hearts desire again... I shouldn't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.- Dorothy

Along the journey of relationships in life I have found that I am indeed HOME.

What is home? For me it is that place where I feel good in my own skin.

I have continued in life to have those people who have made me feel intellectually inept. I have also had people who have made me feel like there is hope. I continue to read and learn. I don’t like to feel like the scarecrow. I don’t like to have that overwhelming feeling that I don’t belong in a crowded room of scholars. I like to feel like what I have to say means something to someone at some point in time. I like to feel like things that I say and do have an impact on others as well.

I tutor on a weekly basis, I do Sudoku puzzles on the toilet, I read books and if I don’t know something I look for the answer instead of saying “I don’t know”. At my age, knowledge is key. Green Sludge takes over the majority of your brain cells by a certain age and I am on a quest to rid myself of that.

My Butter (age 9) told me that Mothers are a special group of people. They know everything. Even when you don’t think they will, they do. They have the biggest brain because they are always in need of knowing the answer to the questions that their kids ask. I am NOT a scarecrow, I am a mother.

I have been burned by too many people. I have given my heart and had it squished on. I don’t like that feeling. I have to overcome the feeling of being a Tin Man and continue to love. Back a few months ago, I did a whole post on LOVE and what the word means to me. If I tell you that I love you, it does not mean that I want to have sex with you. It also does not mean that I am “in love with” you. It means just one thing. There is a little compartment in my heart that is there for ONLY YOU! During the course of my 41 ½ years, I have loved many and love most of them still. I was asked once if I “hate” someone. I can tell you that there is not a single person that has entered into my life that I “HATE”. I despise some, there is no doubt there. I feel bad for others; there are a few more of those. I could not “hate”. I understand in my own way that there are different strokes for different folks. Mean spirited, hateful, cruel and just bad people do exist. I am not one of them. Burn me once shame on you, burn me twice shame on me. Letting myself be burned happens quite a bit and I have the scars to show it. But I have not lost my heart; I have just put a slightly stronger course of bubble wrap around it. I am not a Tin Man, I am who I am.

Courage was one of those tough things that I had to work a little harder on. I was taught by my daddy that there was nothing I could not do that I put my mind to doing. After many years of rejection, disappointment and failure I know now that I can do anything that I WANT to. I am my own wizard.

I have been married for 18 ½ years to a man who you could classify in my life as my best friend. Yesterday, Butter came to me and asked “Do you ever wish you didn’t marry the man that you did?”

This was a very deep question for a little boy, but I knew that it had to be coming from somewhere so I asked why he was asking. His answer was very simple, “when you have mornings like this one when you do a lot of arguing, I wondered if you ever feel like you married the wrong man.”

How precious. The little guy has a lot of growing up to do.

My answer may not have been so simple but it got the point across. I never have my doubts. I wish for more money. I wish for more time. I wish for less stress and less fights but all in all I never wish for a different husband. Without this husband, I would not have these children. Without this husband, I would not have this life. Without this husband, I would not have these friends. My life would be different all together.

It is through my own courage that I am where I am today. It is through courage that I have been able to take chances on jobs and relationships. It is through my own courage that I have become the person that I am today. I am NOT a cowardly lion.

Another quote from the Wizard of Oz, Someplace where there isn't any trouble...do you suppose there is such a place, Toto? There must be. It's not a place you can get to by a boat or train. It's far, far away... behind the moon... beyond the rain.-Dorothy.

There is always another place, but is it YOUR Oz? I am the great and powerful...Wizard of my OWN Oz.

Thank you to all that have helped me get to this place.

Lions and tigers and bears...

2010-06-17T13:00:00.001-04:00

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My! It seems as though my life is full of Oh My’s and my past is no different. But along my life trip down the yellow brick road, my experiences as I went through the Scarecrow and the Tin Man part of my life made me just that much more leary of my surroundings.

The story and the movie have other characters in it besides me, like the munchkins and the flying monkeys. I can even relate to the trees that through apples at me. But really and truly the longest relationship on my way to become the Wizard I am today, was that of my cowardly lion stage.

Yeh, it's sad, believe me, Missy,

When you're born to be a sissy

Without the vim and verve.

But I could show my prowess, be a lion not a mou-ess

If I only had the nerve.

I'm afraid there's no denyin' I'm just a dandelion,

A fate I don't deserve.

I'd be brave as a blizzard....I'd be gentle as a lizard....

I'd be clever as a gizzard....

If the Wizard is a Wizard who will serve.

Then I'm sure to get a brain, a heart, a home, the nerve!

During the year that I spent trying hard to get out of a relationship that I knew was wrong, I was working in a hospital kitchen. This was a job that I loved. I was 16-17 years old and was making a really good wage. In fact it was more than what today’s minimum wage is, and that was over 20 years ago. I had 5 really good friends at work. Here is a big surprise for you, they were all men. Chris, Peter, OB, Boob (the nickname my brothers gave him), and Tyrone. I didn’t have to worry about what I said to them, I didn’t have to worry about whether I was wearing make up on a daily basis and they didn’t care if I talked to another one of the guys during the day. I was not afraid to stick my neck out and help out at the dishwasher, grab a brillo pad and scrub a pot, and was not a sissy about doing my own stocking if I needed to when Chris was busy. I was one of the guys.

Every night it was the same routine, set up, serve, break, and then clean up. I was the one who didn’t mind if I broke a nail and was not afraid to wipe down the tables after the dinner hours were done.

There was this one guy. He was really sweet. He came down most nights to take his break with OB while we were cleaning the dining room. OB worked for house cleaning and so did Boob. Boob and Chris were great friends too and my boss liked this guy. Boob’s mom was a nurse upstairs and he was a hard worker as well. Boob ordered the exact same sandwich every night. Ham and American cheese on a bulkie, dry, with two mayo packets on the side, three pickles and a Coke. I started watching the clock and would have it made for him before the rush came through because I knew his time was limited for dinner break.

The day before Valentine’s Day that year OB and Chris told me that it was Boob’s birthday the next day and suggested that I get him a card. So that night on the way home from work I stopped at the little plaza down the street. As I walked in for a birthday card I realized that it was Valentine’s Day and did a full 180. They were not going to get the best of me. I am gullible and believe most everything that people tell me but they had forgotten that I grew up with a bunch of brothers that were always making me look like a foolish little girl.

My bad, it was his birthday and he got me a Valentine’s Day card with an invitation to a Lover Boy concert (ticket included) and then…well, lets just say that night I refused anything the Turd gave me and broke it off completely. Boob was a little more than a friend, Duh, I didn’t see it but the other guys did.

I spent three years with Boob. He taught me a lot about myself but at the same time made me very scared of life’s lessons. He was a great guy and I could totally see myself having gotten married and being in a different place right now.

He on the other hand could not. I spent three years listening to the line “too bad you were not 21 or we could do ____ tonight”. See, here was a big issue. Boob was 6 years older than me. I heard a lot of “too bad” ’s during the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, it was a really good relationship, but there were many a time that I was left to fend for myself. Not that I expected him to be my protector but occasionally my defender would have been nice.

Let me give you an example:

Remember OB? Well, OB’s wife Sandy came and got a job. She got a job in the kitchen with me. Policy stated that spouses could not work in the same department. Sandy was a hoot. She seemed very nice and befriended me almost immediately. I am a pretty easy going person so it was not hard. We hung out on occasion at work and sometimes even after. One night she invited Boob and I to their house for a cookout. We arrived, had a glass of whatever, stood around the back yard for a while and shot the bull. OB and Boob had this brilliant idea that I was hot and needed to cool off, at which point the two of them picked me up and threw me into the pool. Sandy was bull, she sent the boys off to the store for ice and brought me upstairs to change into some dry clothes. Since Sandy was like a foot smaller than me and the size of a six year old waste wise, she gave me some of OB’s scrubs to change into. Once I was dry and we were downstairs again, she asked me how it was to be in her husband’s pants. I laughed it off but she was not joking. For the next ½ hour, she drilled me about how she knew that I was a “HO” and that I was sleeping around with all the guys and even though her husband denied it there was not way I could. Where the h.e.double hockey sticks the guys went for ice was beyond me? But when they got back I was in tears and wanted to go home. Boob obliged and off we went. As I was telling him the story he just shrugged his shoulders and told me that “she’s a little off sometime”. OFF?

Never did he defend me, never did ever stand up and be the guy. I spent a lot of time cowering in the corner afraid that I was doing something wrong and maybe I could do better “if only”.

I get back to the start of this trip to Oz and remind you that there is a reason that people come into your life. Sometimes it is for a season; sometimes it is for a day. Sometimes they are a good influence and sometimes they were not. As I look back on my past and remember all the friends that I have had, I know that my brief encounter with past boyfriends caused me grief and strength. I was a very sheltered little girl who grew up in a very small town and spent many a day in mud puddles or patching scrapes from the pricker bushes.

For those friends of mine now, who have helped me build my confidence over the years…I thank you!

Still on the Yellow brick road...Tin Man

2010-06-15T11:14:00.000-04:00

My last post started my journey to Oz. Along my trip down the yellow brick road, I started off as a person with a huge heart and yet lost it somewhere along the way. I became a Tin Man.

As a young girl leading a somewhat sheltered life as a daughter of a loving mother and father whose goal for their family was to provide love and support for their children, I was unaware of some of the types of people that were out there.

I mentioned how I did not “like” girls. Life as one of the boys was so much easier. I played football at the corner with the guys. We hunted frogs in the swamp and chased fireflies at night. Life was grand for me and girls were mean. The neighborhood boys were just that. I never felt any sort of need or want to make any of those relationships anything but friendship. Who can kiss a boy who eats worms and licks mud? Uck, not me. My friendships with the guys caused more problems with girls than I would like to remember.

My dad was very strict about the rule, NO DATING UNTIL YOU ARE 16. I cheated once on that rule, but that is another story or at least the end of all of these. My friend Carolyn from high school had a dad that was just as strict the only differences were that she was three months older than me and her dad said no dates out alone until you were out with the boy at least three times with a friend and the friend was comfortable with your choice as well. Carolyn could not wait until I was old enough to come along. She claimed she valued my opinion. Any way, we double dated with Vin and Jon. Date for me went well, date for Carolyn not so well. Vin and I went out only with the two of them and then when he called for a date, just the two of us, he asked like this…

Vin:”You wouldn’t want to go out with me, just the two of us, would you?”

Me: “Sure, why not?”

Vin: “No you wouldn’t.”

Me: “Okay, then, I wouldn’t” I have always been one to be quick with sarcasm.

Vin: “I knew it!” and an abrupt hang up.

We never did go out on a second date. But it wasn’t much after that that Carolyn met John. John had a friend, Walter, or as my brothers so nicely nicknamed him, Wal-turd. This date started with the ever-so-favorite-line of my friends. MaeRae has such an outgoing personality and is comfortable with everyone so it won’t matter if he is shy. Lovely!

Big rule in our house, you needed to come to the door to pick me up, don’t you EVEN think of sitting in the driveway and honking. Carolyn knew this rule, so everyone came to the door to get me. Wal-turd said nothing. Just stood there. Carolyn and John did all the talking and off we went. Needless to say, the date went okay and I agreed to a second date. Maybe this guy wasn’t so bad. We went out again. We went out again for an entire year. This is where the Tin Man in me started.

I am one of those types of people who would do anything for anyone at anytime with out questions asked. If you need something and I have it, I offer it. I would give the shirt off my back for anyone, and I always start by giving it without any hesitation. This type of personality has burned me more than once. I have a really hard time hurting someone’s feelings. This was the case with Wal-turd.

His parents were WHACKED! Oh, I don’t mean whacked, I mean, TOTALLY EFFED UP IN THE HEAD. The emotional abuse that I witnessed towards each other and towards Wal-turd was amazing. My heart bled for this boy and I kept thinking that as long as I loved him and told him otherwise, the fact that his parents called him useless and stupid would make him see some worth to his life. His sister was the golden child and could do no wrong. His older brother was a sleeze and yet the apple of his mother’s eye. Even his grandparents didn’t treat him the same way as they did the other grandchildren. I started noticing strange things happening and made me wonder but yet stick around.

He was scheduled to go into the Marines after graduation. I thought, but never voiced, this was my out of the relationship. One of his friends voiced it. So the day before he was supposed to leave for boot camp, he had said friend run over his foot with an automobile so that he was out of the deal due to injury. This bothered me intensely since we were a military loving family and had pride in all of our service men.

I went to church every weekend and sometimes, actually pretty often, went to church in his town. The priest there had been a teacher of mine in 10th grade and so every time I was there Father would stop me after mass and ask me how I was. This made him very jealous. Another thing that bothered me.

I stepped on a toothpick and drove it right through the bottom of my foot, total Majewski move, and was on crutches for a week. The following week he came to pick me up for a date and was on crutches himself. He had cut the bottom of his foot wide open on a piece of glass. Strange thing was that he was alone when it happened and no one knew where the glass came from.

I had a friend. His was convinced that I was turning gay because I went on retreat weekends with her and talked to her on the phone.

I tried so many times to break up with him. It just wasn’t happening. For Christmas he bought me a $200 leather coat. This was 1985; $200 for an 18 year old was a lot of money. I wanted the coat so bad. I really wanted the coat, but knew that if I took it I was stuck with him for longer. So I claimed it was uncomfortable and I wanted him to return it. I refused on many occasions to go with him to try on another. I thought if I crushed his heart he would break up with me.

That same day we went to his grandmother’s for dinner and his big brother called him a name and he took off leaving me with no ride home. His big brother had to give me a ride home and on the way pulled over to the side of the road to have his way with me. He was about 100 lbs bigger than me and yet, men who get a twist of the ole family jewels and a scratch to the eyeball cower like a baby and allow you the chance to escape from the car. On a very cold Christmas night, a good 45 minute drive from home, I needed to beg and plea with a family to allow me the use of their phone to call my dad long distance. This was definitely the end.

Begging and pleaing with my dad for a second chance, which my dad did not know was more like the 10th, he came to the house for an apology. Cried like a baby and told me it would never happen again. I again gave the benefit of the doubt but the feelings were not there. I was 16 and had been sucked into this family of freaks and it started hardening my heart. I became mean and nasty. I said things that I had no right saying. I spent 6 weeks being the meanest and nastiest bitch that ever walked the earth. I had a heart of stone for this boy and nothing was ever going to change that. I was not going to be burned again. Wal-turd had turned me into the Tin Man.

On a trip to my Oz

2010-06-11T12:01:00.000-04:00

It is Friday already and it has been a very interesting week. I have been flustered at work and even in my personal life. There are many things that come up during the course of a week that make me think…I should blog about that…or …that would make a good blog. Then as luck would have it something else comes up and my life in abbreviations takes over and the CRS kicks in.

Recently, I received an email from a friend that I had not heard from in a while and it was a forwarded email. I almost deleted it completely and then decided to read it first. It was an email that I have received on many different occasions about friends. Friends come into your life for a season or a reason. Later as the week went on I started thinking a little more about “my” friends.

This might surprise you but I don’t have many IRL GIRL friends. I get along better with men. This is for many different reasons but I started thinking about the “friends” that I have had and what makes a “friend”. Well, as my ADDOS would have it, I went on quite a tangent and realized that by definition my “boy” friends have made me the person that I am today.

Every friend of mine serves a purpose in my life and since I was not much of a dater, I didn’t have a lot of “boy” friends. I really only had 3. I had other guys that I “dated” once or twice but the majority of them either were not worth my mental energy or they ended up being one of my “better” life friends.

A good friend of mine described her past relationships in relation to the Wizard of Oz. She claimed that she had to date her Scarecrow, Tin Man and her Cowardly Lion before she found her Wizard. I think that is the case with me. The only difference is that as I looked at my past and knowing that the Wizard was the one I had at home, I realized that I did not date them but they dated me. I was their Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion before they entered my life and because of them I have become the Wizard I am today.

So let me go a little into my past and tell you about the Scarecrow time in my life.

I will be the first to admit it when I say that when it comes to booksmarts I am a little lacking on that side. I have a tendency to develop a brain cramp when I have to write or talk about anything intelligent. I am a whiz with numbers though. If it were possible to live a life with just algebraic equations, it would be the life for me. Seriously folks, 2 plus 2 will always be 4 no matter which way you look at it. So for me, it was very difficult to “talk” to guys. Bring in my “Brain”.

I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers

Consultin' with the rain.

And my head I'd be scratchin' while

my thoughts were busy hatchin'

If I only had a brain.

I'd unravel every riddle for any individ'le,

In trouble or in pain.

With the thoughts you'll be thinkin'

you could be another Lincoln

If you only had a brain.

Oh, I could tell you why The ocean's near the shore.

I could think of things I never thunk before.

And then I'd sit, and think some more.

I would not be just a nothin' my head all full of stuffin'

My heart all full of pain.

I would dance and be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry,

If I only had a brain.

I was in the middle of a relationship with the “TinMan” portion of my life, if you can call it that at the age of 16, when I became very attracted to another “boy”. This boy and I could laugh at things and cry about things. I could sit and discuss my life in so many aspects and never feel like I was not smart. He helped me through some tough mental obstacles and was there to listen when I needed a shoulder to lean on. To this day, when I am talking to this person, I truly feel like he is listening. That is not something you can say about most men but in truth it is that way with him.

When you are 16 and insecure about your self, which I believe most 16 year olds are, it is nice to find the “friend” who helps you realize that no matter how you feel about your intelligence, you are indeed smart and witty and can hold a conversation without stuttering over words. I did not marry this man but did indeed overcome the feeling that I had a head full of stuffing. And to this day, I dance and be merry.

Fast forward to 2010 and I am raising a 16 year old, I am no longer that shy girl afraid of real conversations. I have moved on through my life and have a met a few people who have made me feel stupid. I have worked for others who have made me feel inferior intellectually. I have had “friends” that I have purposely lost because I don’t enjoy that feeling of having the lower hand. I have gained and lost more friends now than I did when I was that age and have learned a lot of life lessons, but for my “friends” out there now that help me with Scarecrow feeling that I have, I very much appreciate all of you.

Raising Awareness Thursday - Type 2 Diabetes

2010-06-10T15:44:00.000-04:00

This is really hard for me because I am trying very hard to stay in a smiley face frame of mind. I have been determined since my very weird dream the other night that smiles are the way to go. However due to Lee and her absolutely wonderful link about awareness, I thought (okay really she suggested that I do it after my comment) that I would post about my daddy.

For those of you who are new to the area, or have come over from Lee’s, let me tell you a little bit about my daddy. My dad was the father of 8 children. Raising a family in the 60’s and 70’s was not an easy thing to do, especially if you had a big family the mom was usually the one at home and the dad was the one working hard to put food on the table and make the bills. We lived in Central Massachusetts and my dad worked in Boston. To most that is not really that bad, but because the traffic was always bad, my dad went in early and came home late. He didn’t eat right and eating healthy and on time was sometimes an issue too. My dad became slightly overweight, I say slightly but it was all in his belly. He was active though. My dad was a Master Electrician in Boston but was also a firefighter in our small town and the wiring inspector. Yup, he held three jobs. He didn’t sleep much and grabbed food on the go most of the time. He developed Type 2 Diabetes in his mid 50’s. He was on many medications by the time he was 60 and insulin dependant by the time he was 64. One of the medications my dad was on was Metformin.

This is a very common drug to be on while diabetic. But is also has many horrible side effects.

My dad was on it for many years and the dosages were always increasing. My dad was also on many other drugs and the doctor should have been checking his liver panels on a regular basis, but that is a story for another time.

While on vacation 4 years ago, I noticed my dad getting smaller and smaller in the legs and face and bigger and bigger around the middle. His scale said he was loosing weight but his clothes said otherwise.

My dad was swelling with what they call “cancer fluid”. He came home from vacation with chest pains and ended up in the hospital two days later being diagnosed with Liver Cancer.

Due to the many medications that my dad was on he was dying and dying fast. His liver had what they call NASH.

~ Nonalcoholic steatohepatitis (NASH) is a condition that causes inflammation and accumulation of fat and fibrous tissue in the liver. Although a similar condition can occur in people who abuse alcohol, NASH occurs in those who do drink little to no alcohol. The exact cause of NASH is unknown. However, it is seen more frequently in people with certain medical conditions such as diabetes, obesity, and insulin resistance. Taken from UpToDate, Inc. www.uptodate.com

Here is the worse part. My dad, as I said, was on Metformin and was sent in for a CAT scan. While on Metformin you are not supposed to have the CAT scan injection because it puts your kidneys into failure. But they gave it to him anyway under the assumption that since he was on chemotherapy he was not taking his daily medication. But nobody had told my mom or my dad not to take his daily medication. And it put him into kidney failure. Since my dad had no liver function once the kidneys failed, he very quickly died. From the diagnosis of liver cancer to death was exactly 5 weeks.

Diabetes KILLS. Please be aware of the signs, go to the doctor and get yourself healthy.

Smiley face...changing times

2010-06-09T11:24:00.000-04:00

I had a dream last night and I remember it vividly. The thing is none of it makes any sense.

This dream involved a good friend of mine, who in the dream not rl, lived in an apartment complex with many other families that I knew as well. Her family consisted of a sister (which she does not have) and her big brother. Her big brother and I were having long conversations about life and disappointments and things like that when the clock above the TV started glowing different colors. So we decided to take a shower. Not together but continued talking to each other while the other was showering. I remember distinctly that when it was his turn he took off his clothes. He was wearing 8 pairs of smiley face underpants in all different colors and sizes and left them all on the floor. He dried off with a smiley face towel and then put on a smiley face collared shirt and we went out for a walk while the glowing clock was following us around the house. The clock was bugged. It had a camera in it and taping everything my friend’s house had going on in it. My friend was ripping the cords out of the back of the TV and found cameras in the bathroom, kitchen and bedrooms as well. The smiley face dressed brother and I decided to take a walk instead of dealing with that and came to the common area of the complex where I got shot with a heat seeking arrow. And then I woke up.

There are times in my life that I feel like this dream. Everything around me is happening and yet at the same time I am engrossed in my own little world. The best part about the dream and the goal I have in my life lately is that I will surround myself with only smiley faces. I won’t wear 8 pair of underpants but I think that maybe I will hunt out some PJ pants with the super duper colored smileys.

The thing is that every time I am determined to live only in my bubble I get poked. Sometimes the poke is hard enough to let a little of my air out. Sometimes the poke is so hard that I scream in pain. Thank you all for your support in my bubble. Smiley Faces all around today!

Chicken Scratch

2010-06-07T11:19:00.000-04:00

A new week has begun and because of a great weekend with my boys I thought I would try something new. I have seen on other blogs, posts that have random thoughts on different days of the week. Since my life in abbreviations (ADD, OCD, CRS, and so on) has on many occasions made me very confusing to follow, I am calling today my “Chicken Scratch” day.

For those of you that are some what new or for those of you who have forgotten, “I don’t have Attention Deficit, hey did you see that chicken?” is my life’s motto.

Why is it that boys, no matter what age find the need to touch? Not just themselves but their brothers as well? Why is it that I can constantly say “keep your hands to yourself”, and 5 seconds later they forgot I said it?

What attracts turtles? Went to camp of Saturday and right outside the door was the biggest sun turtle ever. This is the second type of turtle right outside my door in one week.

How do you get moth ball smell out of mattresses and if there is a way, how do you get it out fast?

Over the course of the last week I have been driving to work listening to the radio and I have discovered the root of all my problems is that I don’t take enough supplements. They have a supplement to assist in those pesky 20 pounds I can’t loose, a supplement that will stop my hot flashes (if I had them), a supplement that will help me learn how to program my remote (kid you not), and a supplement to make me look 10 years younger. Wow, if I liked to take pills and clean my colon and not sweat and couldn’t learn technology, I would be all set in life. They even claim that they will get rid of your “brain farts” (no lie that is the exact line).

I bent over yesterday and hit my forehead on the pew at church. I have a big round black and blue in the middle of my forehead. I think that I would make a good looking Cyclops if I ever thought I should become one, for what ever reason. (There you go Countess, a Majewski move for you).

#3 went back home on Tuesday of last week after being here for a month. He didn’t find work here and so he went home. No shit people guess what happened when he got home. His girlfriend of 14 years kicked his ass to the curb. SURPRISE! Good for her…oh and btw, while he was gone, his 15 year old got in a fight at school. Practically killed the kid he was in a fight with and was expelled. Yup, less than a week left of school and he got kicked out. She shipped his arse back to his mother. Do you blame her? I don’t. I blame my brother for leaving his kid in Florida. Dipshit!

#3 called #8 and told him he was coming back and #8 said he wasn’t taking him in. #8 will cave, I know he will, he always does, but he laid the ground rules if he was to come home.

#8 is in Illinois this week, giving a deposition against the doctor that misdiagnosed his wife’s cancer. This is got to be so hard for him. 5 years ago this month is when she passed away. My prayers are with him.

Hope your day is going well.