Monday, October 25, 2010

Day #6, somethin somethin that rhymes with 6...

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

(oh lookie, i figured out how to get the picture there without having to save it on the computer...)

There are a lot of things that I had hoped I never would have to do and then there are the things that are inevitable.

On September 7, 2001, I was called in an emergency panic by my friend L. Her dad was on the floor and she needed help. As I ran up the stairs and opened the door to see her dad, my heart dropped, stopped, and rolled. It was too late.

I loved her dad like a dad myself and hoped that I never had to see another person die.

Unfortunately, that hope had not come true. My dad was just 5 years later.

As I watched him die in the bed in front of me, I hoped that I never would have to go through that again.

That was a hope that lasted for me a few more years until this past March when I once again watched a love one dying.

I hate to put things like that out in the universe. I have a bad, bad, bad, bad, habit of saying something and then having it come true. So if the worse that can happen to me is what I am about to say…

I hope I never have to step in doggie poo for the rest of my life.

There, now I said it!

Now a little update on my current status…

Last night, I had the fortune of being with a coworker that flew in from Texas for this convention so I would not be totally alone. He took me to dinner on Bourbon Street. A place called Red Fish Grill. Wow, is all I can say about the whole experience. The food was absolutely AMAZING, the stench was absolutely DISGUSTING, the entertainment outside on Bourbon Street was absolutely EYEBURNING and then it was back to the hotel.

Tonight, was a little different. We travelled to the garden district to a place called Jacques Imo’s. Holy Flying Halibut! I had the most amazing tasting food. I thought the Hickory Grilled Redfish was good last night? Mother of the fishes, tonight’s Salmon was TO DIE FOR.

When we finished dinner we went the longer way home and Steve showed me the garden district of New Orleans. I have a friend who spent a lot of time down here and claimed the city was the best. Well since he spent the time at Loyola, I can see now why he says that. That part of the city is absolutely breath taking.

This part over here is breath taking too, but this part is like puke your brains out take your breath away.

Back on the plane tomorrow and heading back to Boston. Where this 80-85 degree weather will be just a dream.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Day #5, I don't know if I'll survive

Since I am not at home nor at my work computer I am not able to put up the picture of the 30 days of truth, so pretend that it is there okay?

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

I few years ago I would have said, I want to travel. The past two years, with my new job, I have been doing just that. Tonight, I write from my hotel room in the middle Canal Street in New Orleans. I am terrified to go out of the hotel because tonight I am here all by myself and many, many people told me not to discover the city on my own.

I thought I had met a new friend earlier, who was also here by herself, but she didn’t answer her cell phone when I called to see if she wanted to go to dinner. So now is the time that I think that perhaps I overwhelmed her. Or better yet, I am going with the fact that she fell asleep after hitting the hotel bed and didn’t hear her phone. Yup, that’s it.

Either way, let me get back to the truth on hand.

I hope to be able to provide for my family in such a way that I don’t have to worry about my children going without. I hate having to say no, or making them suffer on other ends because sports or school trips having taken from the monthly income.

My camp, the one I posted about during the summer months, will only be our camp for one more year. I hope to be able to build there so that my children and my husband will always be able to spend their summers on the pond.

I hope to be able to say, “honey, let’s take this trip together”. I have the greatest hotels with giant king size beds that I sleep in all by myself. I miss my honey, we sleep in a full size bed. I love snuggling and when I sleep by myself, I don’t sleep well.

I hope to be able to catch up on my reader as well, I am soooo far behind. I feel like work has overtaken my blogging life.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Day #4...I am laying on the floor

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

It is a funny thing, forgiveness. I need to tell you that forgiving someone and forgetting something happened are two totally different things. As I thought about the person that I need to forgive, I realized that I had almost done just that. The last few steps should not be too hard.

Let me give you a heads up, this post will be very confusing to most since for the last year I have been talking about this person and have not been able to type about it because of the anger that was still inside me.

I have never been fired from a job. I pride myself on the fact that I am a hard worker. I dedicate myself to any position that I hold. My dad taught me young that a job well done can do wonders for your pride. Every job I have EVER had has always been able to give me stellar references. In fact, this job that I have now, after checking my references, my boss told me that 2 of my past bosses wanted me back. But that is getting ahead of me.

My last job was my first FULL TIME job since 1996. For 10 years, I had been the SAHM for three boys and since my youngest was starting full day kindergarten and we needed the money and the health insurance, I went back to work.

I was interviewed and hired all on the same day. The human resources department told me that this was the fastest that they ever hired anyone. My references were all stellar and they wanted me to drug test the next day and start work that following Monday. (Side note…I promised my youngest a day at the zoo that Monday so I started on Tuesday)

I started working and immediately wanted to be doing more. I took on every side job that I could. I went to extra trainings so that I could do more. I wanted to be busy and I loved everything that I was doing.

For the first year review that I was given, I received far more than the average raise in pay because my boss fought for it. The human resources department said that they had never seen a review like mine before. My boss and my peers all had wonderful things to say about me and they were more than happy to give me the raise.

The Head of the department wanted to promote me. She wanted me to take on another aspect of the job and become an equal with my direct supervisor.

Let me now tell you about her, we’ll call her Sue. Sue was an amazing person. She understood what it was like to be working full time and have three children at home. She was the sweetest person you could have ever known. She brought me hand me downs and treated us (the family) to many things. If she thought that I could do something she encouraged me to do it. I really considered her a friend, a great friend at that.

She was the most understanding person that I had ever worked for. When my dad died, she was at the wake and funeral.

When we were to merge with another department she made sure that I got my own office. When the merge took place something changed in her too. The big boss kept coming to me for the nutrition part of the office and went to her for the endo part. The big boss told the other department that if they needed anything to come to me, that I was always willing to help.

Sue did not like being second. She was filled with jealousy and it started showing in just about everything that she did.

She started being snippy with me. She then started insisting that after 18 months I fill out a time card. Then she insisted that I punch a time clock. When she realized that I was putting in 40+ hours a week and was only supposed to be 37.5 there was a problem there too.

She stopped allowing me to attend Nutrition staff meetings. She changed the time of the endo staff meetings and asked that I attend them. This was not something that I could do. I could not be at work at 7:30 in the morning and still put a 1st grader on the bus at 8. This was all a plan on her part to get rid of me.

I did not attend the first staff meeting and was written up for insubordination. Yup, the girl with the stellar 2nd year review just 8 weeks before was being written up for insubordination. When I called the human resources department for advice, I was told that I was lucky that I was not fired. Insubordination was not something they needed to give you a warning for.

Then it got worse. Sue started trying to get me fired for breaking HIPPA. If you are not in the health field you don’t know that breaking HIPPA is like threatening to kill the president.

I could not talk to anyone. I had lost my office because of everything that had been going on and in addition to that lost the position that the big boss was creating for me.

I was being asked by coworkers if she was “out to get me”. This all being her way of creating friction, because if I said yes, she could have me fired for INSUBORDINATION!

I did not eat right. I threw up almost every day on my way home from work. I cried all the time. I was developing an ulcer. My kids were affected. My relationship with my husband was being affected. My self esteem was being affected. All because of one woman, who was afraid of something that she had no right to be afraid of? She thought I wanted her job. I DID NOT!

A mother bear will defend her cubs with every ounce of her strength and I am a mother bear. But I had no strength to fight this woman. I had seriously LOVED this woman and for her to be treating me the way she was did not make sense to me. What had I done? I was just being me.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was the day she screamed and yelled at me and told me that my coworkers were afraid of me. She had her spies! This one bitch Diane, who if I farted in the wrong direction, would go and tell Sue, told her that I informed everyone at lunch that if I didn’t attend a staff meeting I would be fired. This was the truth (there is a whole other story that goes along with this one but it was practically beaten out of me) And now, Sue claimed that I was saying that in front of my coworkers so that they would hate her. She was calling human resources to find out how long it would take for them to have me clear out my desk. I would not be allowed to speak with anyone! If I talked to anyone it would be considered retaliation and I would be FIRED!

I was even more upset then, was I fired, was I not? Then it hit me. She had nothing on me and she just wanted me OUT!

I called the employee assistance team and filed a harassment suit. This was investigated, but in the meantime I was interviewing for this job I have now.

I had someone on my side. Well in fact I had 6 people on my side. 6 wonderful women who were watching what was happening and could not sit back and let it happen. They worked together to get me another job. Between the interviews and the references and the great husband who worked for a company that was hiring, I got out.

I spent 7 months of shear hell. I was sick and I was beaten. I was not in a good place. I blame Sue for this. I blame her for the hell my children went through too. I blame her because it was solely her fault.

I am in the process of forgiving. I realize now that it was her personal life as well as her work life she felt slipping from her hands. She saw me as a threat when all I was doing was taking a load off her shoulders during a time she should be focusing on home.

See her husband was very sick. Both mentally and physically, she worried about him. She needed to put him in a home and she had her car stolen and her house broken into during this time. Because of her sick husband. Her daughter was going through testing for diseases they were sure she had.

The big boss said to me…”she is like someone with an eating disorder, when life around them becomes too unbearable, the one thing that they can control is food. Sue is like that eating disorder but instead she is taking over control to the extreme at work because it is the one place that she feels she can control.” The only problem was she had lost control instead.

I have forgiven her for the most part. There is some healing still that needs to take place.

I still love this woman and without a doubt in my mind if situation circumstances were different, I could be her friend.

It won’t happen, I am sorry to say that, but at least I know that right now. I am almost to the point that I would be able to see her in public if I were invited somewhere that she would be but that is an almost for sure.

Forgiveness for me comes really easy most of the time. I do need to fully forgive and I am getting there…but that is my story!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Day #3...he's got me by the knee.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

This is something that I have a really hard time discussing.

I had to think about the different things that I have done on in my life and what I need to forgive myself for. However, I am not one to flagellate myself, so the more I think about things the more none of it bothers me.

You have no idea how long it took me to come up with this but I did.

Years ago, I went away to college. Within the first few weeks of being away, I filled out a college student application for a credit card. In case you did not know it, once you get a credit card, you can get many credit cards. There is no limit to the amount of credit cards you can get and I had just about all of them. I spent far too much beyond my means and spent so far the rest of my life making up for it.

I need to forgive myself for being ignorant.

Credit scores mean the world. If you don’t have a good one, you don’t get a good mortgage rate. If you don’t have a good credit score you don’t get loans when you need them.

Robbing Peter to pay Paul has been how I spent a good portion of my adult life. I am very much still in debt from my college years and I graduated 20 years ago.

I need to forgive myself because I do still regret the mistakes I made. I am still constantly reminded when the student loan bill comes due YEARS after it should have been paid off. I need to forgive myself when the phone rings because I am late on a payment because another one came up from the past.

Ugh, I will forgive myself eventually but now I have it on my mind and my stomach is wrenching.

The next post is going to be the hardest and I will need to forgive someone but it doesn’t mean I will forget.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Day #2...he's got me by the shoe

I am supposed to write what I love about myself today. The more and more I thought about this the more and more I came up with. The more and more I came up with, the more and more I shot holes into. But one thing came up over and over…the one thing about myself that I love is my family.

In case you could not by this point in time realize by reading this blog, I love my family. There are some crackpots, but what family doesn’t have those. I love the “sense” of family that we all have and I have been able to pass down to my children.

I love my mom. She drives me absolutely crazy. Being the only girl is hard with no one else to bitch to, but I have learned a long time ago it goes through phases and right now is a phase I need to stay away from. But without any doubt, I love my mom and would do anything for her.

I love my brothers. All 7 of them in their own ways but I do love them. #3 pisses me the effoff, but that in itself is pretty evident regularly around here.

I love my husband. My husband and I have been together in one way or another for the last 26 years. For a long time we were friends, then lovers, then best friends and now husband and wife. We are a mixture of all of those other things and the best of each other at the same time. He brings out the best and the worst in me and vice a versa.

I love my children. I could not wait until I got pregnant with Jelly. I cherished every day with him when he was a baby and for that I cherish him more now that he is almost a grown man.

I tried hard to have Peanut, okay not that hard. As soon as we stopped trying, BOOM there he was. He made me the sickest and was my biggest and my clumsiest and my cutest all at the same time. He drives me to Clairol but I truly do not know what I would do without him in my life.

Butter, well let’s just say “I am so glad that this surprise entered my life”. He is my baby. I used to push him down when he tried to walk just because I knew he was my last and I wanted the baby for a little longer. I may have cause irreversible damage to my husband’s self-esteem as a result. But I love him.

I love my SILs and past SILs. I love my family.

If it were not for my family I would not be the person that I am today.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Day number one, we've only just begun...

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

I decided to do these 30 posts and then I get stumped on the first one.

What do I hate about myself? I can’t honestly use the word hate. This is something that I reserve for the strongest of all emotions and I have learned that to hate something is far too time consuming for me.

So let me tell you some things that I really don’t like about myself.

I don’t like the fact that I am build like a football player even though I am a woman. I am built like my 7 brothers, except they don’t have Double D breasts. I have always thought that the reason my breasts are so big is because I got all the breasts for the 8 of us and didn’t have to share. I guess I should feel lucky since they all had to share on the length of the dingle berry between 7 of them.

I don’t like the fact that I am financially embarrassed. It seems like the more I dig myself out of the hole, the farther in the sides come, making the hole not only deeper but wider as well. I have not been living outside my means. Believe me, I have just had some humdingers of some bills come up lately.

I don’t like the fact that I am starting to doubt people. I have always trusted just about everyone that I have ever met and now a days it seems like even people I thought were some of my closest friends are trying to manipulate me. This is something that no matter how hard I try and get over it keeps coming back.

I don’t like my extra layer of belly fat. I have gained and lost weight and now have an entire third flap of skin that hangs over the mid section. I am constantly told by others that that is normal with the size of my children but these are people with the same belly flab. I never hear it from the people who are much smaller than me.

I don’t like the fact that I cannot follow directions. I have a feeling that this was only supposed to be one thing and I have already hit 5. So on that note…

And last but not least, I do not like free range chickens. This is an issue that I have tried to overcome but it just can’t be.

Monday, October 18, 2010

30 Days of Truth

Starting tomorrow, here’s what I am going to be doing…

I got this from here who got it from here and since I will be traveling at times during the next 30 days I thought it might be a great way to fulfill my promises.

For the next 30 posts, I will be writing the TRUTH about myself. Here’s a preview of the writing topics:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Saturday night excitement at my house...

I am sitting here at the computer on a Saturday night.  In my time zone it is just after 8:30 at night.  A few years ago I would have been dying to get out and do something.  Heck, even a few months ago I would have been itching to do something, but tonight I am just happy reading up on my bloggy friends. 

In the back ground the family has Scooby Doo playing and it is an odd one.  I don't know when this one came out but Fred has black hair.

Any way, there is a strange noise coming from the other side of the recliner and I stand up to see what it was...this is what I was greeted to.

I think they would kill me if they knew i just posted these...good thing no one knows I have a blog! 

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The color of GREEN

There are many times in my life where these random things happen and drama follows me. It is at these times in my life where one common element is apparent. As recent as the just the past few weeks, this element has popped up once again. This element has a color. It comes in all sorts of shades but is still there. Maybe it is light, maybe it is hued with yellows or blues, and sometimes the element is as dark as dark can be.

This element is jealousy.

The color, as most people know it, is GREEN.

It is such a beautiful color when worn in velvet at a Christmas party. It can be soothing when painted in a baby’s nursery. It can even be vibrant, like my favorite day, when the spring buds all bloom their life as leaves. Let’s face it, when used properly it can save you a whole bunch of green as well.

But as jealousy it is a horrible, despicable, putrid color.

I have, for the most part, attempted to remove it from my feelings. I could go on for days about things that used to cause me to be “green” but today I just want to spew in my bubble about how others “green” episodes have caused me to not want to be around people.

I am a VERY sociable person. For me to say I don’t want to go out, you have to know that this is something that has seriously affected my well being.

When down on the Vineyard, my mother was extremely jealous of me. Not only jealous of me, but jealous of the attention that I was giving my aunt. I know this was the reasoning behind all of the nasty hateful things that have been said.

One of my tenants recently told me that she was moving out. The reason was absolutely the stupidest I have ever heard. Her sister was jealous of her roommate. WHAT!?! You can’t have a roommate because your sister is jealous of her. Who knows?

I have severed friendships over jealousy. I sometimes think that the reason I don’t have many female friends is because of jealousy. Think long and hard about what you are jealous over before you start having that “green” feeling.

As recent as last night, I had to have a talk with Butter. Being 10 years old has its challenges. There are many times that he has said he “wished that” he could have a car like so and so, or a house like so and so, or last night, a mother like so and so…

The grass is not always…greener? In fact sometimes the sewage underneath what you are looking at is too thick for you to see that underneath it is something that YOU can change too.

I can’t give my kids new houses or parents, but I can assure them that what is best for them will be the best for them. Don’t wish away your life. Don’t make people not want to be near you because of the “green monster”. Think about what you can do to make the situation different if you want it to be different.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

MOTY AWARD...who me?

Once again I am quietly going to accept my Mother of the Year award without any hoopla or fan fare.

What? You say you haven’t heard that I won? Well maybe you have been living under a rock. Or maybe, I misheard. Maybe it was MEAN Mother of the Year award.

Yup, I think that was what it was.

Let’s back up. I am known for telling my kids things that are not necessarily true, just to put the fear of Hades into them. (i.e. a hickey will cause a blood clot and it could break free and travel to your brain and then you could die…don’t let girls suck on your neck.) This weekend was no different.

It started out pretty simple. The older boys and dad went on a bike trip with the scouts. Butter and I were alone from Friday night until Sunday afternoon. As we all know, I have a love affair I need to maintain when my husband is out of town and this weekend was no different.

What was different was they came home earlier than I expected and I had time cut short because of a funeral on Saturday morning. Needless to say, I made them help.

I am a true believer in MOTIVATION. If you don’t have motivation than why should you complete the task at hand? I tell my boys, if you want to get paid you finish a job. If you want to go out on Friday night, then you get good grades. If you want anything that requires me to extend beyond my normal motherly duties, like provide you shelter and food, then you behave and treat me with respect.

Saturday, I spent on the kitchen. It sparkled when I was done. Sunday, I started in the living room, moving everything from the living room into the kitchen so that the hard wood could be cleaned and the registers dust free. Then they came home. After some whining and complaining that they were physically tired and needed rest, I let them rest and I compiled a plan for the following day.

Bright and early on Monday morning, I had them up and in front of the TV. 1 hour of Hoarders later…they started cleaning. Whenever they were too tired or needed a rest or a snack, back in front of the TV to watch more Hoarders. Good thing they were having a marathon to scare the bijeebers out of my kids. I especially liked the one where the doctor asked if they had had an exterminator in. When they asked why she claimed she saw the floor moving under the garbage. BLECH!

We threw away 4 HUGE bags of trash this morning. My house is lighter and cleaner. And now my boys, especially Butter, is scared to death of becoming a Hoarder.

My house is cleaned on the main floor, but the attic needs a little help.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Important Women's Health Issue

Recently I received an email from a very good friend...
I believe in paying it forward.

Please be sure you read carefully as this is important health information.

* Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
* Do you suffer from shyness?
* Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
* Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:

- Dizziness
- Nausea
- Vomiting
- Incarceration
- Erotic lustfulness
- Loss of motor control
- Loss of clothing
- Loss of money
- Loss of virginity
- Table dancing
- Headache
- Dehydration
- Dry mouth
- And a desire to sing Karaoke


* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.

* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Please share this with other women who may need Margaritas.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Scraping nickels together...

There are times of the year that I like more than others. Then there are times of the year that I hate more than others. I despise September.

During the month of September things start going horribly wrong in my house. The reason is MONEY!

Last week I returned bottles and cans in order to do my grocery shopping. Do you know how much that bothers me? But let me tell you why it bothers me more than anything.

We have tried very hard to teach our boys that life is not just handed to them. Things are not delivered to you on a silver platter. Things cost money and we only have so much.

Every September, my kids seem to forget that and the worst culprit this year is Peanut.

Do you have kids? Do you get inundated every September with at least 2, more often than not more, fundraisers that your kids NEED to participate in? Peanut is on his 4th and it is only October 7th. WE NEED to buy it all!

“I won’t be able to go on the end of the year field trip if you don’t buy the tickets.”

“I won’t be able to have a year book if you don’t buy the cards.”

“I won’t be able to do ANYTHING with my friends if you don’t stand on your head and spit wooden nickels.”

That’s where I am right now. I went on a vacation that cost me almost nothing and came back to the realization that it was a good thing that I didn’t have money to spend. Because now, I have even less.

Peanut is taking a class trip to Washington DC in a few weeks and the remaining balance came due last week.

I went back through my checkbook and bank statements and all the little pieces of paper that I have saved because they would be good for his scrapbook and realized that “WTF MAN” I paid for this trip in the fundraising from all last year and they wanted a check for $538.00 MORE!. Peanut only got credit for $87 of the fundraising that he did last year.

Even though, right off the top, I bought $30 of cookie dough, paid $36 for a spaghetti supper, and bought at least $30 worth of books.

I am officially OFF the fundraising bandwagon.

I am not asking my friends or family to order anything.

I am behind on my bills thanks to that extra $538.

This kid better appreciate the sacrifices I am making for him or he will be going to DC by way of the MOON.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


This past week I have been thinking a lot about friends. Friends and what drives someone away from said friend and what keeps a friendship strong.

I have a friend that I have had for many, many years. I remember putting on big purple crayon eye liner with this friend. We even had matching blushes. Years later, I don’t wear makeup but she still does.

I remember being pretty drunk one night at the bowling alley and having her and Peggy bring me to Peggy’s house so I didn’t get in trouble. I was the driver that night. Moe needed to call her dad to pick her up because I was too drunk to bring her home and Peggy didn’t have a license yet.

I remember her dad NEVER said anything to me.

I was the maid of honor at Moe’s wedding and because she was 8 months pregnant and refused to be the maid of honor, she was a bride’s maid at my wedding.

I am the godmother of her oldest girl. She is the godmother of my oldest son.

We can go months and months without speaking to each other…and then there is just something that makes you call.

I called Tuesday night because something just was not right. I called her cell and she answered with tears. “How did you know?”

The thing was, I didn’t. I just knew somehow I had to call.

Her dad only had a few more hours. I cried, just like I am crying now while right now. I didn’t know.

She knew though, God Bless that woman.

Her dad died yesterday. 4 years to the day that we buried mine.

She would not call me because she thought that it would be too hard for me to sit with her in hospice.

I love this woman more than some of my family members.

Remember as you go through life, jealousy and hatred are both horrible things to harbor.

Some people are there for you forever!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Every once in a while I have these dreams. Most of the time they are very vivid and I remember everything. Sometimes it is just bits and pieces of the dream that I remember but those are the ones that are disturbing enough that I wake up from. And then there are these dreams that I have that have loved ones in them that give me confidence to do things that I am not really sure that I can. 99% of the time it is relation to something that I had read earlier that day…or that I saw earlier that week, or something that has been said at one time within the last month.

I have been having those dreams lately.

Monday night I dreamed that I ran a 5K. Yes, a 5K.

Do I think I could do it? The answer to that question is yes.

Do I think that I want to do it? The answer to that question is out to jury.

My brother was in a triathlon with some of our cousins last week. Then in memory of his wife, portions of the family gathered for the cancer walk.

My good friend told me that she is going to try to do a new program that promises that you will get off your couch today and be running a 5K in a month. She was going to try it.

I have been working out and trying hard to get some sort of exercise every day.

In my dream, a very beautiful woman (inside and out) was in the snack station after the race (it was my dream and yes they had a snack station) and I found out that she had come to cheer me on, from miles and miles away. I was so excited that I ran and hugged her. I snapped something I hugged her so hard. She was hurt. She was hurt really bad and it was entirely my fault. She was not able to walk after I hugged her.

Then I started thinking about why I hurt those that I love.

Then I woke up.

My dreams suck sometimes.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The trip is over and now i am back...

I know, I know…whip me and whip me hard. I have not been living up to my promises to post more often. 99.9% of the fault lies on me. I took a vacation. A vacation with my mom and aunt and three of my cousins. A vacation without any children or a husband. A vacation without any back up for me at the office.

So when I came back to work, I had all of last week’s work to do and the week before’s work as well. But now I am caught up. Head on straight? Doubtful, but caught up.

I will start this post with a little disclaimer. I am a bitch of sorts lately and if the only thing you get out of this post is my bitching, then I apologize.

My week on Martha’s Vineyard was ever so delightful. The weather was beach weather every day and the majority of the company was very pleasant.

On Sunday we went to the beach in Menemsha. If you have never been there, I am sorry. It is absolutely beautiful. I forgot my camera that day so there are no current pictures. Recently there was a big fire at the Coast Guard Station there…so I am sure if you want to know a little more about it you can search online. I only have some from last year so I am not going to post them.

On Monday, Igor came up the coast and was pulling the most amazing waves you have ever seen.

See the picture up above? Yeah, that is all you are getting out of that beach trip because I was having an electronic breakdown. My phone would not work, my emails would not go through and then the camera would take the picture and save a big black screen. Yup, not good at all.

Let me back up here just a second and tell you about the clan that I went with. My aunt is 82 (my mother’s sister). She does not look like it nor does she act like it but she does however walk like it. She has had back surgery and knee surgery and walks with a cane. She gets along well but walking through the sand is a little bit of an issue. My Cousin MO (my mother’s third brother’s daughter) is 62. She has had back surgery and has broken her ankle in two places within the last couple of years. She also walks with a cane and has problems in the sand. My mother is 72. She walks fine; she needs no cane but bitches about just about everything lately.
{the picture test once i got my camera back up and running.}

We went to a “new” to us beach called Lucy Vincent Beach. It was beautiful, but difficult to get down the long pathway to the beach. Once we were there and I started having problems electronically and the wind was whipping sand in my ears and I listened to my mother bitch about the sand in her sandwich…I packed them all up and took them to another beach. At this point I was doing a little better electronically and was able to snap some pics. The most amazing pictures can be taken on Martha’s Vineyard.

this is the bingo hall...i took the pictures to show the kids that decorations.  My kids are all war buffs.
MB here...she is always smiling.

Monday night we went and played Bingo (not in the least one of my favorite games) with my cousins C and MB (my mom’s oldest brother’s daughters) and I got the best prize of the night. My period! Whoever syncs my monthly schedules to the time that I am going away on vacation should be SHOT! My mom won some money so she was happy for a little while.

Tuesday was another amazing beach day. This time we went to a place called Stonewall Beach. Another absolutely gorgeous beach that was “new” to us. Here are some pics from there.

check out the little birdies...eating up the stuff from the surf.

Right about here is one of the times my mom told me that I had messed up memories and should just shut up before i say anything else stupid.  SPORK!

This is my fourth trip to the Vineyard and I got a little sick of the “routine” so I broke the little bitties out of their rut. We went to new beaches, we took walks in different locations, I changed their shopping day and I did not let anyone spoil my plans, simply because this was my vacation.

I love walking through the campground. A very little history…and I mean little…when the campground was established years and years ago it was all tents and then a man came up with an idea to bring over a house that you could build from a kit. The idea spread and now the houses are all gingerbread houses and you could color and paint them any way you wanted to show your personal taste.

I also love the area in Edgartown. This is the view of where we ate our lunch.

On Friday it was a little cloudy so we did some other site seeing and my cousin C bought us all lobster for lunch. Friday night MB and C snuck across the street to a festival and called me up to sneak over too. It was the Songwriters Festival and it was a lot of fun. It was on the roof top of the hotel across the street.

Aquinna light

the cliffs at Aquinna

My mom before i really wanted to push her off the cliffs at Aquinna

Yummy Lobster!

The motley crew...l2r mom, MB, C, Aunt, Me, MO

See the guys back there picking his drink up off the deck?  Yup him...with the butt.  He was awarded a HUGE honor at this ceremony for writing "Run to You"...the song Lady Antebellum is on the radio right now with.

Bose put this on and boy did it show.  Very well done.

See our little place there.

And then it was on the ferry to come home the next day.

I could go into so much more detail but you don’t want to hear it. Just know this…I was searching EVERYWHERE for a SPORK!