A few years ago I had a very lengthy conversation with a good friend of mine. Her dad had just been diagnosed with liver cancer, just like my dad. She is in her 40’s as well and she was having a really difficult time with her family. Her dad’s wife had decided that this was not what she had signed up for so gave him his walking papers with his diagnosis and sent him to live with his daughters. Shortly after that, said wife started calling wanting certain pieces of furniture and wanted him to sign papers before he died. My friends sisters refused to take in their dad so my friend did. This was very difficult for her because up until this point in time her life had been all about HER.
I have a problem with attitudes like that and blew a slight leak in the bubble. I told her that she should be counting her blessings. She had no kids so she would be able to spend more time with her dad in the last few months. She looked at things just a “little” differently when I called her an open faced sandwich. She started giggling and realized that it was the truth.
I, however, am a closed sandwich. I am part of what I have heard called the sandwich generation. This is when you are squeezed in between your parents and your children. I truly believe after weekends like this last weekend that I am the bologna in the sandwich. Why could I not be something great like roast beef. I would take even ham but the bologna was a little too much to handle.
I am now going to start to bitch about my mother.
I realize that the next few paragraphs are sealing the last of the straw threads in my hand basket to hell, but I really have nowhere else to vent. If I bitch to my husband I will never hear the end of it.
Let me back up and tell you that I am NOT looking for a pat on the back for any of this but you need a little background to understand why I do what I do.
My mom is BROKE! My dad left her in such a horrible financial situation that she cannot seem to get out of it. If she takes money from the retirement plans my dad has she gets hit so hard by the federal government on taxes that she owes more than what she took when tax time comes.
She works as a substitute teacher during the school year but during the summer she has no extra income. She is 72 years old and should not be worrying about money at this time in her life. My dad refinanced the house just before he turned 60 so she has a mortgage on a house that she has lived in for 40 years.
I worked out a plan with her. If she would make sure she was available for my children during the summer, I would pay her $100 a week. This should have made the difference in what she was making before and not making now.
Then two weeks ago I was going to the grocery store and she came along with me. I bought her eggs and juice and a few other things. A week ago I took her along with me on a Saturday morning and at the check out she told the girl I was paying for her cart full of food. The grocery bill came to $325. My grocery bill is never above $250 so this was not planned.
On Saturday, my older boys were supposed to work at my brother’s house painting and then had been invited to a birthday party for 1 pm, on the other side of the city not far from my brothers. I dropped them off at 10 and then went out looking for a birthday present for a 14 year old girl, who was actually 12 but that is a whole other story (Facebook lies!) and on my way back to pick up the boys my cell phone rings.
“Where are you?!”
“In Millbury, why?”
“Well, I don’t know what the heck you are doing there but obviously you are not taking me grocery shopping. I hope you transferred the money you owe me into my bank account. There is no money in there and I have no food. This is just great. I need cash.”
After picking up my jaw off the floor of the car, I choked down some tears and said, I will try my best to get there by the end of the weekend with some cash for her. But WTF! Do I not have 6 other siblings that are in the area that she could call and bitch at? She would NEVER call my brothers and tell them she needed money but she has no problem bitching at me.
As nicely as I could I explained that the other part of my sandwich, my children, needed me to do things with them that day and I could not guarantee her a time when I could be there.
I had a very nice day with my boys, they enjoyed their little birthday party and stayed a little longer than the 5 o’clock end time the invite said, we left there a little after 6:30 and arrived home to my husband bitching that we had been gone all day. I just could not win.
I stopped by my mom’s house late on Sunday evening to an extremely pissed of woman. “I wish you had come earlier, I need my prescriptions filled. I am leaving tomorrow morning for three days with your cousin on a mini vacation. I wanted to talk to you about it but obviously you are too busy in your own little world that you forgot that I was here. I am not even going to discuss things with you right now just leave the money on the table.”
I put $160 cash on the table that she immediately picked up and counted, looked at me with this question in her eyes…where is the other $40? I looked at her and for the first time in a few years, grew a set of gonads (is that what you call them). “ I transferred $200 into your account yesterday and here is some extra cash, I am leaving on Thursday and will not be seeing you before then, enjoy your trip and this should get you through the next couple of weeks. If it is not enough call one of my brothers that don’t have three boys that they are raising and are making at least double what I am. I cannot be expected to carry this load all by myself. You have been taking my kids one day a week and making them do all of your yard work. They should be the ones getting paid. Enjoy your little vacation and don’t expect me to be around for any sort of shopping trip for at least a few weeks.”
I am leaving on a jet plane Thursday morning. I have a conference that I need to work at in Kansas City, MO. I am finally crossing the Mississippi River! It is only three days and it is work, but I am not going to have kids, a husband or a mother to deal with the whole time I am gone. Happy little mini vaca to me!