Thursday, February 11, 2016

A little bit of chicken soup

Today is one of those days that make me want to cry.

Why?  It just is.  I know that I am overly sensitive sometimes.  I am fully aware that I am looked at by others as strong and undefeated but lately…

I am defeated.

Okay, that is about it for that now on that subject and on to what could be a total verbal diarrhea post so bear with me if my chickens are running rampant.

Remember a few months back I started talking about needing my JOY.  I am working on it.

Recently, I took some time to snow shoe in New Hampshire.  A little girl’s get a way was what it was.  I very good friend from college, a very good friend from now, and myself went to LOON Mtn. and did a hike on the trails along the Pemi river in our snow shoes.  It was such a great weekend. 

The following weekend I had a work conference/sales meeting that I HAD TO ATTEND.   *get ready to feel bad for me* It was in Maui.  At the Ritz Carlton.  All expenses paid for me.  So I took Jelly and we were able to spend some real quality time together when I was not in meetings.  He had the chance to golf and sleep in a hammock all day.  It was good for him and good for me.

I am looking for employment and am having a very difficult time finding what is it that I want to be when I grow up.  I know what I want to do but don’t know what that “job” is.  It has been 7 years here and when I sit in a meeting and have some biatch roll her eyes at my suggestion knowing full well that it will be implemented next week under “her idea”, it is just too much for me. 

Okay, I am getting whiny again and I am trying not to.

Just a little update on anyone that may be following, Mom is doing well and she is in good spirits this week.  Being the only daughter is not easy when she has her bad times but since this week is good, I want to rejoice on that.

Hopefully not too long on the next blog post…just needed to get some shit off my chest and already feeling better about that.

Have a great one everyone.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Months?  No, it’s been a few years.

I have some time on my hands today and need to vent a little and truthfully this is where that venting can occur without pissing off too many.

When last I wrote, it was February in 2013.  I just looked back and realized that there was much that had not been posted here.

For an example, during that year (2013) I ran a half marathon in April, dealt with my mom and her chemo days, got bit by a tick and spent 6 weeks in bed on IVs for Lyme disease, got a promotion (if that is what you want to call it) that stripped me of any of the responsibilities I had before so that my manager could “have control”, and made it through those holidays unscathed.

During 2014, I had a hard time finding my joy again.  I don’t have anything spectacular to discuss during this time…oh wait #8 got married.  If I find the need to get into that mess and a half another time, there are some good stories there.

Now 2015.  Wow, 2015.

This has been a year of trying to find my joy.  This is not easy.  I am not a whiny person and don’t really have much complaining.  I typically am upbeat and friendly but it is hard to do when you spend 14 hours of your day either at work or traveling back and forth to work and your boss is a total ass.

I may have softened it up here a little regarding my boss but since this is a PG-13 blog I will use ass.

Today I write a little about some trying times just the past few weeks but again remember, I am in my bubble and you are welcome to come and listen but not allowed to get defensive.  It is totally my opinion.

Mom was admitted to the hospital on Sunday.  The call came in early Sunday with “I am in so much pain.  I feel like my stomach is being ripped out piece by piece.  Help me, I really don’t know what to do I am in so much pain.”  Guess what I did.  I called the ambulance.  Yup, I don’t know what I am supposed to do with this type of call and called in the cavalry.  #8 dealt with a wife who was going through some strong chemo treatments maybe he could help.  He suggested bringing her to a rediclinic in case she was dehydrated but call the oncology dept. first.  I could not find a number for the oncology dept. so I called #1 who works for that health care system.  He said call an ambulance and don’t take the chances of being with her by yourself in a rediclinic.  His advice was the advice that I took.  She was admitted for diverticulitis.  And I never would have been able to handle the visit to a clinic by myself.

Now back a few months.  Mom has been on chemo treatments for the past two plus years on and off.  The last visit in July with the last oncologist was simply “I have done everything and now it is time you start thinking long term and prepare…or get a second opinion.”  We stopped all treatments at that time.

All 6 of the 7 around here started right away working on “getting involved”.  This is something that they have not done the last three years so it makes it me a little happy to hear and they convinced her to get a second opinion.  That second opinion was someone that I worked with in a hospital closer to Boston.  Actually in downtown Boston.  I hate traveling into Boston during the week.  But we did it.

She is now with another oncologist in Worcester and JUST started up treatments Tuesday of last week.  #5 has been taking her.  I am happy with that too.

It is getting closer to the time that my brothers are going to have to realize that mom only had 5 years to begin with and 3 of those are done.  I am sure that as this goes on, I will be here more often.

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

If I could speak to anyone at this moment...

Since there are not a lot of places that I can run my mind and not be criticized, I thought it might be a good idea to vent here today.

In October, my mom’s cancer was shrinking and a few weeks ago they said it was growing. She had to go in to have a port catheter placed in her chest to begin chemotherapy next week. That surgery is today. I am not there. Not a bad thing … my #5 and #8 are there handling the situation. My mom will need someone to stay with her round the clock for the next 24 hours. I have the dinner shift. I will be bringing Butter and Jelly. Then someone else has the overnight. Again, not a bad thing.

Peanut will be spending the afternoon with his dad. Why? Because he cut his hand open at school today and is in the process of being brought to the emergency room to have stitches.

When my mom had her first surgery last year, Butter broke his arm.

I would really like the opportunity to speak with Job. How did he handle it without snapping at everyone else around him because of the stress?

Friday, December 28, 2012

I learned a new word today

I am sure that as the New Year approaches there are many who are reflecting along the last year and posting their highlights. I am sure that if they are not posting their highlights of the last year they are posting their resolutions for the new. I on the other hand have decided to do neither and just reflect on today.

The word of the day as given by a friend is “fartnuckle”. The definition of “fartnuckle” is “adj: describing anything or anyone that irritates the crap out of you for any reason at all”. I however will use it on occasion as a noun.

My goal has been to give myself Joy and since using this word makes me smile, I consider that JOY.

So without any further delays, I give you my top 5 “fartnuckles” of the day.

Fartnuckle #1

My fellow employee who for some unknown reason believes that it is okay to sneeze all over without covering your mouth.

Seriously, I don’t give a rat’s arse if you are allergic to something or carrying the Ebola virus. Cover your freaking mouth. I, as well as the entire world, do not find it necessary to see your spit flying while you sneeze nor do we find it cool that every time you sneeze you get louder.

Fartnuckle #2

Sales People who make appointments and then don’t hold them.

My beautiful #2 brother gave my name as someone who would be eligible to receive a “safety packet” for my children as a gift from his union hall. Catch #1, both adults must be present in order to receive such packet. So, I make an appointment for a day last week in which I rush home from work in time to clean my house enough to accept company and he calls me an hour before arriving to tell me he had an emergency in another town. He rescheduled for last night and then never showed or called. That SFB will not get another chance. Oh well, I guess my children will be safety less.

Fartnuckle #3

Sitting in an office with 3 people because I used all my sick/vacation time to take care of my mother.

Nothing is worse than being stuck somewhere for 8 hours with nothing to do.

Fartnuckle #4

Being a mother of teenage boys

I should not have to even get into this one. The smell alone would make your hair curl. I guess the money I have saved on perms over the last few years will be worth the color they are making me use to cover the grey hair.

Fartnuckle #5


If you have been with me for any length of time you know how often my husband contracts things that interfere with my social life. I have managed to remove myself from all responsibility and give him two aspirin and go. He has his typical day after Christmas through the next few weeks ailment but my JOY will come first and I won’t let it affect my weekend.

Have a happy New Year everyone and be sure to avoid any fartnuckling to others.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

a little more each day.

The road to pure Joy is filled with pricks and sticks. The sticks I have to avoid and the pricks are always just there…poking you…annoying you…and being a prick.

Okay, now that I have gotten that little bit off my chest, I have a few joyful things to tell you about.

We went to the oncologist this morning and everything continues to be great and no more visits until June for him. We see the surgeon in February sometime but even then the outcome looks good there.

It is the end of the year and things can be pretty stressful here at work. I refuse to allow that to get the best of me. I realized the other day that spending ½ my time outside of the office bitching about the office made me a very bad non joyful person to be around. I will stop complaining, at least for now, about the ignoramuses that I now spend my days with.

We have a goal set for us each year and that goal for me this year was $1.2 M. By the end of the month, I should have hit $1.8. Cool little bonus check for me. That brings me Joy.

Because of the HUGE numbers that we hit this year the company is giving us iPads for a year end gift. This is in place of the typical $50 AMEX gift card we normally get. I will take it.

Peanut is getting that for Christmas. That frees up a few dollars which will allow me to get Jelly a lap top and something really cool Lego wise for Butter.

The honey is seriously considering a change in careers. If you don’t know me personally then this may not seem like such a huge deal. Honey is about to turn 47 in a few months and has had 1 job at 2 companies and he started working at the age of 15. This somewhat excites me, as this job he has has been killing him for the past 10 years. Physical labor and long hours don’t mix well with a man who has crohns disease.

I have so many little stories to tell you about that it makes it hard for me to catch you all up. I will continue to place a little more into my day each and every day.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Hopefully more than stopping by...

It has been a while since I posted last and a lot has happened since then.

I am on a quest. Have you ever had a notion that there is something missing? Have you tried to find out what that something is only to hit a brick wall? I have, on more than one occasion.

That brings me to my quest. I am on a quest to find JOY. JOY in everything.

This is not an easy thing to do but it can be done. Sometimes this means removing yourself from situations that bring you stress and grief. Sometimes it even means declining invitations and checking your past to see if you need to change relationships that have strayed.

For those who know me I have had one heck of a summer. My mom had been diagnosed with cancer. I became her health care proxy and in turn spent many days arguing with nurses, doctors and family members to make sure that she was getting the proper care. I spent A.LOT of time arguing with her about her care and health as well. Can you argue with a 74 year old woman who is set in her ways? YES, if you do it correctly. REGARDLESS…I digress.

This is about ME. That was step number one in my quest to find JOY. Find ME and what I want, need, love and cherish, and work on getting it.

One huge way that I have accomplished my first steps to finding JOY is through exercise. I NEVER would have told you that exercise is key, but it releases so much energy and pent up frustration that even I was surprised to find out how much exercise is needed for JOY.

I started walking about a year and a half ago and now I am walking up to 30 miles a week. That means that if I had been on roads the whole way I could be in Altamont, KS now. It also means that my health has greatly improved and I have lost 35 pounds.  I also ran a 1/2 marathon in September.  One of the reasons, I started my quest but I will get into that another day.

Another big step in finding JOY is finding those that you love and telling them. Love is something that I very strongly believe in. Love is one of those words that are thrown around by most but I believe that if you have a relationship with someone than there is a degree of love. I love my friends and I love husband and kids. It is a different kind of love for each but is love regardless.

If I haven’t seen you lately, I love you. Even if I have and didn’t get a chance to tell you, I love you.

I may seem a bit off to most people while I am on this quest but one thing that you can know for sure is that when I have a quest to conquer, I conquer.

The next few months will be very trying as I go through the needful steps but I have made up my mind and that is what needs to be done.

I will keep you posted.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Chicken soup

It has been a few months since my last post and there is too much to say in this one so I am going to start rambling on about a few things that have just hit me today.

I have been gone from my own life for so long now it is hard to remember all the things I used to take for granted are no longer there anymore.

I have run from doctor to doctor, hospital to hospital, work to rehab and back to work, lived at my mom’s for almost four weeks and missed my entire summer.

I have used any vacation time that I had set aside to spend with my kids that it is hard to get my head on straight without that time off.  I love my mother and want to see her be with us for many more years and it was worth getting her back to health but know that there are still a few more bumps to hurdle before the ordeal is over but at least we have a break until October.

I forgot what my own house was like because I have only seen it twice in the last three months.

I opened my water bill today which is normally $300+ per quarter and it was only $99.  Doesn’t that say something?

I think it does when you see that my kitchen has 16 loads of laundry that need to be done.  I thought that all the laundry that I had been doing at my mother’s house had been able to keep up with it but I guess not.

If these kids tell me EVER that they have no clothes, I have this to remind me that they are full of it.

My phone went for a swim last night.  I didn’t think I would be so reliant on something that I despise but I guess I am.  The kicker is that the bottom of the pond is not a place you want to see your phone light up when it is missing.  I still find it amusing though.  I have to chuckle it just makes it more bearable.

Insurance plans on your cell phone may or may not be a good thing.  I have NEVER had to use it before today and now not only will I not get my own phone type back but I will have to deal with a complete touch screen.  I guess this is the way to get me into the new era of phones.

Work bites.  I won’t get started on that one but answer me this, how can you LOVE a company and a job so much but hate to go in to the office.  If I could make my job completely remote, I would.

I walk.  I know that sounds funny but it is one thing that gets me through the week.  I walk.  I walk anywhere up to 30 miles a week and that has all suffered because of my life and without those walks I am starting to lose my mind.

I have four routes that I walk at work, I have four or five that I walk at the camp, and I have one that I walk at home.  My home one has been destroyed.  Many, many, many years ago a reservoir was built and around this reservoir there are many walking trails.  I had a 6 mile loop that weaved in and out of beautiful pine groves.  The pine groves have all been destroyed.  They have cut them all down, not only the pines but all the other trees too.  This makes for 6 miles in the sun and heat or wind if the wind is coming off the water with no respite.  It makes me so sad.  I will hate to have to drive somewhere to walk but it seems like that may have to happen.  Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of walking?

The kids start school in one more week and as much as I normally look forward to that happening, I regret it this year.

I will leave you with one more crazy chicken thought…

My artistic child, who told us quite frequently that he was not athletic, has joined football.  I cannot even begin to tell you how STINKY my house, camp and car are now that there are two football players in my family.  I also have discovered that I.AM.NOT.ONE.OF.THOSE.MOTHERS.  I cannot sit around a field for two straight hours gossiping.  It just proves how much I don’t like people anymore.