Since there are not a lot of places that I can run my mind and not be criticized, I thought it might be a good idea to vent here today.
In October, my mom’s cancer was shrinking and a few weeks ago they said it was growing. She had to go in to have a port catheter placed in her chest to begin chemotherapy next week. That surgery is today. I am not there. Not a bad thing … my #5 and #8 are there handling the situation. My mom will need someone to stay with her round the clock for the next 24 hours. I have the dinner shift. I will be bringing Butter and Jelly. Then someone else has the overnight. Again, not a bad thing.
Peanut will be spending the afternoon with his dad. Why? Because he cut his hand open at school today and is in the process of being brought to the emergency room to have stitches.
When my mom had her first surgery last year, Butter broke his arm.
I would really like the opportunity to speak with Job. How did he handle it without snapping at everyone else around him because of the stress?
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Friday, December 28, 2012
I learned a new word today
I am sure that as the New Year approaches there are many who are reflecting along the last year and posting their highlights. I am sure that if they are not posting their highlights of the last year they are posting their resolutions for the new. I on the other hand have decided to do neither and just reflect on today.
The word of the day as given by a friend is “fartnuckle”. The definition of “fartnuckle” is “adj: describing anything or anyone that irritates the crap out of you for any reason at all”. I however will use it on occasion as a noun.
My goal has been to give myself Joy and since using this word makes me smile, I consider that JOY.
So without any further delays, I give you my top 5 “fartnuckles” of the day.
Fartnuckle #1
My fellow employee who for some unknown reason believes that it is okay to sneeze all over without covering your mouth.
Seriously, I don’t give a rat’s arse if you are allergic to something or carrying the Ebola virus. Cover your freaking mouth. I, as well as the entire world, do not find it necessary to see your spit flying while you sneeze nor do we find it cool that every time you sneeze you get louder.
Fartnuckle #2
Sales People who make appointments and then don’t hold them.
My beautiful #2 brother gave my name as someone who would be eligible to receive a “safety packet” for my children as a gift from his union hall. Catch #1, both adults must be present in order to receive such packet. So, I make an appointment for a day last week in which I rush home from work in time to clean my house enough to accept company and he calls me an hour before arriving to tell me he had an emergency in another town. He rescheduled for last night and then never showed or called. That SFB will not get another chance. Oh well, I guess my children will be safety less.
Fartnuckle #3
Sitting in an office with 3 people because I used all my sick/vacation time to take care of my mother.
Nothing is worse than being stuck somewhere for 8 hours with nothing to do.
Fartnuckle #4
Being a mother of teenage boys
I should not have to even get into this one. The smell alone would make your hair curl. I guess the money I have saved on perms over the last few years will be worth the color they are making me use to cover the grey hair.
Fartnuckle #5
Sickness
If you have been with me for any length of time you know how often my husband contracts things that interfere with my social life. I have managed to remove myself from all responsibility and give him two aspirin and go. He has his typical day after Christmas through the next few weeks ailment but my JOY will come first and I won’t let it affect my weekend.
Have a happy New Year everyone and be sure to avoid any fartnuckling to others.
The word of the day as given by a friend is “fartnuckle”. The definition of “fartnuckle” is “adj: describing anything or anyone that irritates the crap out of you for any reason at all”. I however will use it on occasion as a noun.
My goal has been to give myself Joy and since using this word makes me smile, I consider that JOY.
So without any further delays, I give you my top 5 “fartnuckles” of the day.
Fartnuckle #1
My fellow employee who for some unknown reason believes that it is okay to sneeze all over without covering your mouth.
Seriously, I don’t give a rat’s arse if you are allergic to something or carrying the Ebola virus. Cover your freaking mouth. I, as well as the entire world, do not find it necessary to see your spit flying while you sneeze nor do we find it cool that every time you sneeze you get louder.
Fartnuckle #2
Sales People who make appointments and then don’t hold them.
My beautiful #2 brother gave my name as someone who would be eligible to receive a “safety packet” for my children as a gift from his union hall. Catch #1, both adults must be present in order to receive such packet. So, I make an appointment for a day last week in which I rush home from work in time to clean my house enough to accept company and he calls me an hour before arriving to tell me he had an emergency in another town. He rescheduled for last night and then never showed or called. That SFB will not get another chance. Oh well, I guess my children will be safety less.
Fartnuckle #3
Sitting in an office with 3 people because I used all my sick/vacation time to take care of my mother.
Nothing is worse than being stuck somewhere for 8 hours with nothing to do.
Fartnuckle #4
Being a mother of teenage boys
I should not have to even get into this one. The smell alone would make your hair curl. I guess the money I have saved on perms over the last few years will be worth the color they are making me use to cover the grey hair.
Fartnuckle #5
Sickness
If you have been with me for any length of time you know how often my husband contracts things that interfere with my social life. I have managed to remove myself from all responsibility and give him two aspirin and go. He has his typical day after Christmas through the next few weeks ailment but my JOY will come first and I won’t let it affect my weekend.
Have a happy New Year everyone and be sure to avoid any fartnuckling to others.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
a little more each day.
The road to pure Joy is filled with pricks and sticks. The sticks I have to avoid and the pricks are always just there…poking you…annoying you…and being a prick.
Okay, now that I have gotten that little bit off my chest, I have a few joyful things to tell you about.
We went to the oncologist this morning and everything continues to be great and no more visits until June for him. We see the surgeon in February sometime but even then the outcome looks good there.
It is the end of the year and things can be pretty stressful here at work. I refuse to allow that to get the best of me. I realized the other day that spending ½ my time outside of the office bitching about the office made me a very bad non joyful person to be around. I will stop complaining, at least for now, about the ignoramuses that I now spend my days with.
We have a goal set for us each year and that goal for me this year was $1.2 M. By the end of the month, I should have hit $1.8. Cool little bonus check for me. That brings me Joy.
Because of the HUGE numbers that we hit this year the company is giving us iPads for a year end gift. This is in place of the typical $50 AMEX gift card we normally get. I will take it.
Peanut is getting that for Christmas. That frees up a few dollars which will allow me to get Jelly a lap top and something really cool Lego wise for Butter.
The honey is seriously considering a change in careers. If you don’t know me personally then this may not seem like such a huge deal. Honey is about to turn 47 in a few months and has had 1 job at 2 companies and he started working at the age of 15. This somewhat excites me, as this job he has has been killing him for the past 10 years. Physical labor and long hours don’t mix well with a man who has crohns disease.
I have so many little stories to tell you about that it makes it hard for me to catch you all up. I will continue to place a little more into my day each and every day.
Okay, now that I have gotten that little bit off my chest, I have a few joyful things to tell you about.
We went to the oncologist this morning and everything continues to be great and no more visits until June for him. We see the surgeon in February sometime but even then the outcome looks good there.
It is the end of the year and things can be pretty stressful here at work. I refuse to allow that to get the best of me. I realized the other day that spending ½ my time outside of the office bitching about the office made me a very bad non joyful person to be around. I will stop complaining, at least for now, about the ignoramuses that I now spend my days with.
We have a goal set for us each year and that goal for me this year was $1.2 M. By the end of the month, I should have hit $1.8. Cool little bonus check for me. That brings me Joy.
Because of the HUGE numbers that we hit this year the company is giving us iPads for a year end gift. This is in place of the typical $50 AMEX gift card we normally get. I will take it.
Peanut is getting that for Christmas. That frees up a few dollars which will allow me to get Jelly a lap top and something really cool Lego wise for Butter.
The honey is seriously considering a change in careers. If you don’t know me personally then this may not seem like such a huge deal. Honey is about to turn 47 in a few months and has had 1 job at 2 companies and he started working at the age of 15. This somewhat excites me, as this job he has has been killing him for the past 10 years. Physical labor and long hours don’t mix well with a man who has crohns disease.
I have so many little stories to tell you about that it makes it hard for me to catch you all up. I will continue to place a little more into my day each and every day.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Hopefully more than stopping by...
It has been a while since I posted last and a lot has happened since then.
I am on a quest. Have you ever had a notion that there is something missing? Have you tried to find out what that something is only to hit a brick wall? I have, on more than one occasion.
That brings me to my quest. I am on a quest to find JOY. JOY in everything.
This is not an easy thing to do but it can be done. Sometimes this means removing yourself from situations that bring you stress and grief. Sometimes it even means declining invitations and checking your past to see if you need to change relationships that have strayed.
For those who know me I have had one heck of a summer. My mom had been diagnosed with cancer. I became her health care proxy and in turn spent many days arguing with nurses, doctors and family members to make sure that she was getting the proper care. I spent A.LOT of time arguing with her about her care and health as well. Can you argue with a 74 year old woman who is set in her ways? YES, if you do it correctly. REGARDLESS…I digress.
This is about ME. That was step number one in my quest to find JOY. Find ME and what I want, need, love and cherish, and work on getting it.
One huge way that I have accomplished my first steps to finding JOY is through exercise. I NEVER would have told you that exercise is key, but it releases so much energy and pent up frustration that even I was surprised to find out how much exercise is needed for JOY.
Another big step in finding JOY is finding those that you love and telling them. Love is something that I very strongly believe in. Love is one of those words that are thrown around by most but I believe that if you have a relationship with someone than there is a degree of love. I love my friends and I love husband and kids. It is a different kind of love for each but is love regardless.
If I haven’t seen you lately, I love you. Even if I have and didn’t get a chance to tell you, I love you.
I may seem a bit off to most people while I am on this quest but one thing that you can know for sure is that when I have a quest to conquer, I conquer.
The next few months will be very trying as I go through the needful steps but I have made up my mind and that is what needs to be done.
I will keep you posted.
I am on a quest. Have you ever had a notion that there is something missing? Have you tried to find out what that something is only to hit a brick wall? I have, on more than one occasion.
That brings me to my quest. I am on a quest to find JOY. JOY in everything.
This is not an easy thing to do but it can be done. Sometimes this means removing yourself from situations that bring you stress and grief. Sometimes it even means declining invitations and checking your past to see if you need to change relationships that have strayed.
For those who know me I have had one heck of a summer. My mom had been diagnosed with cancer. I became her health care proxy and in turn spent many days arguing with nurses, doctors and family members to make sure that she was getting the proper care. I spent A.LOT of time arguing with her about her care and health as well. Can you argue with a 74 year old woman who is set in her ways? YES, if you do it correctly. REGARDLESS…I digress.
This is about ME. That was step number one in my quest to find JOY. Find ME and what I want, need, love and cherish, and work on getting it.
One huge way that I have accomplished my first steps to finding JOY is through exercise. I NEVER would have told you that exercise is key, but it releases so much energy and pent up frustration that even I was surprised to find out how much exercise is needed for JOY.
I started walking about a year and a half ago and now I am walking up to 30 miles a week. That means that if I had been on roads the whole way I could be in Altamont, KS now. It also means that my health has greatly improved and I have lost 35 pounds. I also ran a 1/2 marathon in September. One of the reasons, I started my quest but I will get into that another day.
If I haven’t seen you lately, I love you. Even if I have and didn’t get a chance to tell you, I love you.
I may seem a bit off to most people while I am on this quest but one thing that you can know for sure is that when I have a quest to conquer, I conquer.
The next few months will be very trying as I go through the needful steps but I have made up my mind and that is what needs to be done.
I will keep you posted.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Chicken soup
It has been a few months since my last post and there is too
much to say in this one so I am going to start rambling on about a few things
that have just hit me today.
I have been gone from my own life for so long now it is hard
to remember all the things I used to take for granted are no longer there
anymore.
I have run from doctor to doctor, hospital to hospital, work
to rehab and back to work, lived at my mom’s for almost four weeks and missed
my entire summer.
I have used any vacation time that I had set aside to spend
with my kids that it is hard to get my head on straight without that time
off. I love my mother and want to see
her be with us for many more years and it was worth getting her back to health
but know that there are still a few more bumps to hurdle before the ordeal is
over but at least we have a break until October.
I forgot what my own house was like because I have only seen
it twice in the last three months.
I opened my water bill today which is normally $300+ per
quarter and it was only $99. Doesn’t
that say something?
I think it does when you see that my kitchen has 16 loads of
laundry that need to be done. I thought
that all the laundry that I had been doing at my mother’s house had been able
to keep up with it but I guess not.
If these kids tell me EVER that they have no clothes, I have
this to remind me that they are full of it.
My phone went for a swim last night. I didn’t think I would be so reliant on
something that I despise but I guess I am.
The kicker is that the bottom of the pond is not a place you want to see
your phone light up when it is missing.
I still find it amusing though. I
have to chuckle it just makes it more bearable.
Insurance plans on your cell phone may or may not be a good
thing. I have NEVER had to use it before
today and now not only will I not get my own phone type back but I will have to
deal with a complete touch screen. I
guess this is the way to get me into the new era of phones.
Work bites. I won’t
get started on that one but answer me this, how can you LOVE a company and a
job so much but hate to go in to the office.
If I could make my job completely remote, I would.
I walk. I know that
sounds funny but it is one thing that gets me through the week. I walk.
I walk anywhere up to 30 miles a week and that has all suffered because
of my life and without those walks I am starting to lose my mind.
I have four routes that I walk at work, I have four or five
that I walk at the camp, and I have one that I walk at home. My home one has been destroyed. Many, many, many years ago a reservoir was
built and around this reservoir there are many walking trails. I had a 6 mile loop that weaved in and out of
beautiful pine groves. The pine groves
have all been destroyed. They have cut
them all down, not only the pines but all the other trees too. This makes for 6 miles in the sun and heat or
wind if the wind is coming off the water with no respite. It makes me so sad. I will hate to have to drive somewhere to
walk but it seems like that may have to happen.
Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of walking?
The kids start school in one more week and as much as I
normally look forward to that happening, I regret it this year.
I will leave you with one more crazy chicken thought…
My artistic child, who told us quite frequently that he was
not athletic, has joined football. I
cannot even begin to tell you how STINKY my house, camp and car are now that
there are two football players in my family.
I also have discovered that I.AM.NOT.ONE.OF.THOSE.MOTHERS. I cannot sit around a field for two straight
hours gossiping. It just proves how much
I don’t like people anymore.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
a little update
It has been a few weeks since the diagnosis of cancer was given to us for my mom. So right now I am taking a few minutes to just clear my head.
You must understand that the following post is not necessarily for you but more for me.
My mom and I are very close but WAY too much alike. I have the 7 brothers but being the only daughter has been definitely taking its toll.
A little update on the condition so that it is clear. My mom has what is called Psuedomyxoma Peritonei. It is a cancer that starts with a tumor that attaches itself to the appendix or the ovaries and produces a mucous that fills the abdominal cavity. ICK! And here is a big surprise, it is very rare. We, as a family, have never been able to do things that normal people do; we have to do it the rare way.
Okay, I digressed just a little.
My mom spent a week in one hospital until they had a diagnosis, then she was transferred to another hospital where the special oncology surgeon could see her. She had a minor surgery to remove some of the discomfort the mucous has been causing and then they released her. My mom has been out of the hospital for 2 weeks now and she has one more week to go before they readmit her and do the BIG surgery.
The big surgery will be 14 hours long and they will be removing a major portion of the abdomen including the appendix, the ovaries, the uterus, part of the right colon, part of the small intestine, part of the large intestine, possibly the gall bladder, the spleen, and part of her peritoneal wall.
That is now out there for you to ponder.
My mom was pretty sick and weak before being released from the hospital and we were told that her diet needs to be protein rich and she should be walking up to an hour a day. So every day except Tuesdays, I have been going over to my mom’s, getting her up and getting her to each a protein rich breakfast, and then going to work or taking her to doctors appointments. Even on the freaking weekend.
#8 has been taking Tuesdays and #6 has been stepping up with dinners and walks. What is wrong with the others? Not sure right now but if I start bitching there will be only drama later.
I am stressed, I am tired, and I am not pleasant to be around.
Long day.
You must understand that the following post is not necessarily for you but more for me.
My mom and I are very close but WAY too much alike. I have the 7 brothers but being the only daughter has been definitely taking its toll.
A little update on the condition so that it is clear. My mom has what is called Psuedomyxoma Peritonei. It is a cancer that starts with a tumor that attaches itself to the appendix or the ovaries and produces a mucous that fills the abdominal cavity. ICK! And here is a big surprise, it is very rare. We, as a family, have never been able to do things that normal people do; we have to do it the rare way.
Okay, I digressed just a little.
My mom spent a week in one hospital until they had a diagnosis, then she was transferred to another hospital where the special oncology surgeon could see her. She had a minor surgery to remove some of the discomfort the mucous has been causing and then they released her. My mom has been out of the hospital for 2 weeks now and she has one more week to go before they readmit her and do the BIG surgery.
The big surgery will be 14 hours long and they will be removing a major portion of the abdomen including the appendix, the ovaries, the uterus, part of the right colon, part of the small intestine, part of the large intestine, possibly the gall bladder, the spleen, and part of her peritoneal wall.
That is now out there for you to ponder.
My mom was pretty sick and weak before being released from the hospital and we were told that her diet needs to be protein rich and she should be walking up to an hour a day. So every day except Tuesdays, I have been going over to my mom’s, getting her up and getting her to each a protein rich breakfast, and then going to work or taking her to doctors appointments. Even on the freaking weekend.
#8 has been taking Tuesdays and #6 has been stepping up with dinners and walks. What is wrong with the others? Not sure right now but if I start bitching there will be only drama later.
I am stressed, I am tired, and I am not pleasant to be around.
Long day.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Week one begins
Here I am with a few moments to myself and I thought I might jot some crap down for you.
The weekend is over and mom has been placed into the hospital to determine what type of cancer she has. I took the day to go to work in order to try and get some routine in my day. I have been so tired from the last week of running around dealing with phone calls, office visits, and BROTHERS.
Let me fill you in on the drama. Please if you don’t have background on one of the numbers, comment and I will send you the link to read about that one.
#1 came with me and mom on Friday to meet the oncologist. It was so nice to have company and another set of ears. We have been deemed the health care proxies, me one and him alternate. This was good to discuss with him as well. I think this time around I may understand him a little better then when dad was dying.
#2 is a dick some days. Okay more days than others but a dick just the same. I called last week to give him the details of the initial appt and he was curt and hung up on my after saying “thanks for the great news”.
#3 is not my problem. I have told #8 that I am not going to have any patience with him and if he calls he will be ignored. #8 has let him know to deal only with #8 and stay away from me. Really, this is not uncalled for but completely necessary. I set up an email group to inform every one of things that happen, when they happen, and the arse hole is correcting my spelling and questioning things I typed. I am about to take him off the email group and let #8 forward anything to him.
#5 is going to make me drink. I don’t normally but am ready to make sure I am fully loaded whenever he calls. He is such a freaking baby. Friday the girlfriend called and told me that #5 doesn’t want to know anything. My mom didn’t want anything said until yesterday anyway, so I didn’t tell him anything I just went on with my weekend. Yesterday he called my mother to get info and she said she was waiting for a bed. He freaked out on her telling her that no one tells him anything. Make up your mind. He called last night crying and all upset because I didn’t call him when I got home.
FYI, I am not getting on the phone to call everyone to talk at 8 pm. Read your freaking email.
#6, a blessing, and thank heavens married to a normal human being.
#7 is not getting my full attention right now which is a good thing. As long as the tension between him and his wife continues, I will let someone else deal.
#8 is very #8. This is round three for him and despite the hard appearance he gives off, he is dying inside. This hurts more than finding out that mom has cancer.
I will keep coming here every few days and spill a little more but for now, I am out.
The weekend is over and mom has been placed into the hospital to determine what type of cancer she has. I took the day to go to work in order to try and get some routine in my day. I have been so tired from the last week of running around dealing with phone calls, office visits, and BROTHERS.
Let me fill you in on the drama. Please if you don’t have background on one of the numbers, comment and I will send you the link to read about that one.
#1 came with me and mom on Friday to meet the oncologist. It was so nice to have company and another set of ears. We have been deemed the health care proxies, me one and him alternate. This was good to discuss with him as well. I think this time around I may understand him a little better then when dad was dying.
#2 is a dick some days. Okay more days than others but a dick just the same. I called last week to give him the details of the initial appt and he was curt and hung up on my after saying “thanks for the great news”.
#3 is not my problem. I have told #8 that I am not going to have any patience with him and if he calls he will be ignored. #8 has let him know to deal only with #8 and stay away from me. Really, this is not uncalled for but completely necessary. I set up an email group to inform every one of things that happen, when they happen, and the arse hole is correcting my spelling and questioning things I typed. I am about to take him off the email group and let #8 forward anything to him.
#5 is going to make me drink. I don’t normally but am ready to make sure I am fully loaded whenever he calls. He is such a freaking baby. Friday the girlfriend called and told me that #5 doesn’t want to know anything. My mom didn’t want anything said until yesterday anyway, so I didn’t tell him anything I just went on with my weekend. Yesterday he called my mother to get info and she said she was waiting for a bed. He freaked out on her telling her that no one tells him anything. Make up your mind. He called last night crying and all upset because I didn’t call him when I got home.
FYI, I am not getting on the phone to call everyone to talk at 8 pm. Read your freaking email.
#6, a blessing, and thank heavens married to a normal human being.
#7 is not getting my full attention right now which is a good thing. As long as the tension between him and his wife continues, I will let someone else deal.
#8 is very #8. This is round three for him and despite the hard appearance he gives off, he is dying inside. This hurts more than finding out that mom has cancer.
I will keep coming here every few days and spill a little more but for now, I am out.
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